Getting Nat to show something sweet about her that no one else gets to see? Not so hard.
With her body pressed into mine, her lips at my shoulder and me breathing her in, she calms me. If that fucking moron hadn’t called me this morning, everything would’ve been fine. As soon as I saw the display, I lost it. Throwing the damn phone was the only thing I could do for relief, apart from fuck Nat hard and fast, but I didn’t want that. She showed me something sweet this morning and I didn’t want to taint it with my bullshit.
This is probably the first time in my life that someone has said ‘I love you’ to me and I haven’t wanted to throw up. Does it scare the fuck out of me? Yep. I mean, what am I meant to do now? Is there some procedure or manual about pleasing the person who loves you? I don’t know about this type of etiquette.
Is that even a word? Etiquette? Running a hand down my face in frustration, I sigh.
Fuck me. This complicates things.
I knew what she wanted from me. I could see the disappointment in her gorgeous green eyes, but I couldn’t do it. I won’t give false hope to someone I care about. And I do. I care about her a lot. More than anyone I’ve cared about in a long time. I want to make her happy. I’d do anything to make her happy.
Is that love?
I think if you need to question it, then no, it isn’t.
I’m out of my depth here. I need to talk to someone about this, but I can’t talk to Nik, Max or Trick without giving away too much. I can’t talk to the girls because they’d figure out what’s happening between me and Nat. Maybe Silvio?
Silvio… Are you fucking kidding with that shit? The man can barely speak English!
I guess I’m just going to have to figure this out myself.
***
As I walk into the main hall of The White Rabbit to head up to the security room, I spot Stefan, the barman. He’s a little younger than me and from what I gather, a decent guy. He’s tall, has blonde hair and brown eyes. If we were standing close enough, anyone would say we’re related. I’ve only spoken to him a few times regarding security issues at the club, but he didn’t give me any attitude and seemed genuinely interested in what I was talking about. I know Nik wouldn’t have hired just anyone to run the bar. He’s gotta be okay if Nik hired him.
Why am I rambling?
Maybe he can help me with Nat.
Walking over to him with what I’m sure looks more like a psychopath’s smile rather than a friendly one, I greet, “Hey, Sheriff. How’s things?”
When he turns to face me, he has a hard time masking his surprise. I don’t blame him. I’m surprised as fuck too.
Stefan goes about wiping down the bar and stocking beer. He replies, “Hey, Ghost. Fine, thanks. Just fine. More security stuff?”
Looking up, I rub my chin and confess, “Nah. Actually hopin’ to talk to you about something.”
He immediately looks worried. Wide-eyed, he asks, “Am I fired?”
Chuckling, I reply, “Oh shit, man. I can see why you would think that.” Of course he would think they’d send the asshole to fire the bar guy. Straightening, I admit, “Actually need your advice.”
His mouth gapes and he says quietly through wide eyes, “No shit?”
Shaking my head, I sit at the bar and tell him, “This is something I can’t talk to anyone else about, so I thought you’d give me a fresh perspective, what with you being a lady’s man and all.”
He shakes his head as if to clear it and utters, “Never seen you have problems getting women before, bud.”
I nod my agreement and state, “Problem’s not getting ‘em. How the fuck do you keep one, though?”
A wide smile appears on Stefan’s face before he says, “That- well, that’s not always easy. But if she’s worth it, you’ll find a way.”
Looking at him through narrowed eyes, I snap, “That’s it? That’s all the advice you have to offer?”
Still stacking beers, he chuckles, “Never said I was an expert, bud. Look at me. I’m still fucking single.”
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair. Standing, I begin to pace. “She’s driving me crazy! She’s all spitfire and twister. She makes me do things that I never thought I’d do. Then she tells me she loves me and for once, I don’t wanna run.” Stopping in my trail, I turn to him and state, “I want to make her happy!” Poking myself in the chest and nodding, I tell him, “Me! I want to make a broad happy. And I don’t want anyone else to have her. I told her she was my girl, and now I don’t know what to do. What does that even mean? I think it means something else to her than what it means to me. I want her and I don’t want anyone else to have her, but I have no idea where to go from here.” I beg, “Help me out, Sheriff. Gimme something to work with here.”
Stefan’s shakes his head and chuckles. “You got it bad, man. I think it’s safe to say you found her.”
Exasperated, I sigh, “Who?”
Standing tall, he states, “The one. All of what you just described…sounds like you found her.” Then he asks, “Do you love her?”
My response saddens even me. “I don’t know what love is.”
Stefan tilts his head to the side and says quietly, “I’m not an expert or anything, but it sounds like you’re there. And if you’re not, you’re close.”
Walking over to him, I extend my hand. He takes it with a smile and we shake. Still shaking his hand, I utter, “You tell anyone about this, I’ll kick your ass.”
Chuckling, he turns away and states, “Yep. That’s what I figured.”
Walking away, I smile.
Nope. Stefan the Sheriff is not a bad guy.
***
With Tina and Lola both at the store, Mimi and I decided to do lunch together. It’s been a quiet day so far, but I know as soon as three pm hits, it’s going to be chaos with Safira’s doing its first catalogue sale.
Tina. My little Teeny. No one ever accused her of doing things half-assed.
Smart woman that she is, this sale is set to capture the attentions of high school and college kids. She even sent us earlier in the week to local high schools and colleges to hand out catalogues. There was a huge amount of interest. So today will be a good profit day for Tina. Not that she needs it, but the store’s interest is growing and even though she hasn’t said a thing, I’m sure she’s thinking of opening a second store.
We decide on sushi and sit in front of the conveyor at the bar. The dishes slide past us and we pick out what we want. As soon as I open my mouth to stuff it with California roll, Meems states, “So I haven’t said anything to the others but I know you’re fucking him.”
Mouth still open, I stuff the sushi in and chew. She searches my face through her bold blue eyes and says, “This is something to you, isn’t it?”
I don’t say a thing. I chew my Sushi as if it were rubber and match her stare for stare. She whispers, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Finally swallowing, I open my bottle of water to take a sip and tell her straight out, “I’m in love with him.”