I bit my lip. Having never entertained a girly princess fetish, nor worshipped the Disney princesses, I’d been a different type of girl. My aspirations had tended toward Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman instead or, if a princess at all, Princess Leia, rebel leader. Maybe Xena, Warrior Princess. But his words were so damn sweet that I caught my breath.
I swallowed the big lump in my throat. Getting up, I came around the bed and held my hands up to cradle his face. “That’s so sweet—” He jerked his head up and away, turning his back on me. I studied his hunched shoulders, his stiff posture.
“Adam, you’re going Napster on this wedding.” I referred to the infamous Silicon Valley billionaire who had been publically ridiculed for spending approximately twenty million dollars on his over-the-top “old forest” Tolkien-esque wedding among the redwoods in Northern California.
Adam scowled. “Give me a break.”
“You’re launching particles into the atmosphere, you’re…having God knows what else done. I have been reading the emails, despite what you think. Chefs and bakers flown in on private planes. You don’t even fly on a private plane when you can avoid it. Have you calculated the carbon footprint alone from all this?” I threw my hands open wide, a pleading gesture, shaking my head. “This isn’t you. This isn’t us. Shouldn’t the wedding be about who we are as people? As a couple? As the new family we are about to form?”
He continued to stare out the window, hands on his hips. At times like these, I knew that provoking him was akin to poking as sharp stick at a grouchy bear. It was usually best to leave him alone and let him contemplate. Adam was, after all, a ruminator. And he was getting pissed off about my constructive criticism. Okay, maybe it wasn’t as constructive as it could have been.
But damn it, I couldn’t let this stand. It was my wedding, too.
“You and I and this new entity of us is more important than a party. And I get that you are bored out of your skull right now without work—”
“Bored?” he snapped, jerking his head around toward me. “You think I’m doing this because I’m bored?”
I bit my lip. Yeah, the bear wasn’t liking that sharp stick much. “Well, you work so damn much all the time, I’d guess you have no idea what to do with your time now that you can’t. So you’re channeling all your energy into this.”
He turned to me, shoulders tightening. Now he looked downright pissed. “Don’t do that.”
“What? Blame your compulsive work habit? Why not? I’ve only been refraining from saying anything because I figured your body did it for me this time.” I gestured to him in his pajamas, as if to signal his illness, the onset of his mono and the part his tendency to overwork and undersleep played in that.
“Okay, now you’re pissing me off.”
“If the truth pisses you off, then so be it. I’m not going to skirt around the issue. This time, your body shut it down. But what happens when you start feeling better? You’re going to return to your frenetic pace again. We both work hard, and up until recently, we were able to make it work. But it was getting fucking ridiculous toward the end.” I paused only to suck in enough air to continue the tirade. “You weren’t even sleeping in bed with me. I mean, I’m willing to take second fiddle to work sometimes, but—”
Before I could finish, he turned away from me and stalked out of the room, fists closed at his sides.
I trotted after him. “Adam, where are you going? I was talking—”
“Leaving before I say something I’m going to regret.”
“Like what?”
He ground between clenched teeth, “If I say it, then I’ll regret it, which was why I was leaving the room.”
“Stop right there.” And he did—so abruptly that I almost collided into his solid back. He stood still as a statue without turning to face me.
I talked to his wide shoulder blades, his stiff spine. “I’m trying really hard not to be a nag but…damn. Shit gets old when my soon-to-be husband is consistently choosing work over me. I’d like to come first—even if only sometimes.”
His head dropped forward, and he palmed his forehead. “You have no fucking idea how I’ve chosen. What I’ve had to fend off for us. If you did, you wouldn’t say that.”
I drew away. “Sorry, but I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that.”
His open hand darted out and smacked the wall. It wasn’t a violent outburst, but it was loud, and I jumped. He turned to me, and that vein in his forehead was protruding in such a way as to create a whole new mountain range across his features. Yeah, he was pissed. I’d poked too hard.
I blinked, and he froze when he noted my startled reaction. We stood like that for one minute, two, staring at each other in wonderment and shock at what had just happened. We hadn’t argued like this in a long, long time.
Suddenly, I shook my head, as if waking myself up from a bad dream. “What is this? Why are we fighting like this? What is this really about?”
Seemingly exhausted, he hung his head, shoulders slumped. That same hand with which he’d hit the wall now braced him against it.
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, he looked up with guarded eyes. Like he had shields up, phasers set to kill.
I swallowed hard and steeled myself for his answer.
Chapter 13
Adam
I had no idea how to answer her. Not in any way that wasn’t going to dig me in deeper than I already was.
“This conversation is over,” I muttered, turning on my heel into my office and hoping she wouldn’t follow. Of course, I knew better, but I’d expended every ounce of energy I had for the day—and it wasn’t even nine a.m. yet. Sinking into my chair with a long sigh, I glanced at her through the doorway.
I’d left a stunned fiancée standing out in the hall, staring at me in wonder. After a long moment, I finally spoke, “You can leave and we can cool this down and talk later. Or we can talk now, but I’m warning you that I’m still pretty pissed off.” I wasn’t about to admit that I had to sit down or I would have fallen over, but likely, my exhaustion showed anyway.
She slowly entered, giving me a once-over with an aspiring doctor’s eye.
“I agree that we probably shouldn’t continue that argument. But I have to know, and it really can’t wait. What did you mean by that?”