“How is Vuk?” I asked as we were handed our menus and served ice water. “Is he feeling better?”
“This last scare has really changed him,” she said, speaking of her husband’s recent diabetes diagnosis. “We exercise together every day, and he’s finally watching what he eats. Did I tell you we are going to Belgrade in June to see his mom? He wants to lose weight before she sees him.”
“Oh, I’m so happy for you. I just found out that Maja is getting married in June.”
Her fork paused on the way to her mouth and she looked up, brows raised. “Where? In Sarajevo?”
I nodded.
“When? Maybe we can fly out together. Vuk and I don’t have our plane tickets yet.”
I poked around my salad for a while and cleared my throat as I tried to figure out how to change the subject. I had no desire to go there with her, yet it was my fault for bringing it up in the first place.
“Early June, I think.”
“Are you going out early?”
More silence and salad picking from me.
“Janja…”
I sighed and looked away. “I don’t really have the money to buy a ticket right now. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to do it.”
“It’s simple. You come with Vuk and me to Belgrade, and then take the bus to Sarajevo to be with your family.”
I suppressed a smile. “Thanks. I’ll see what I can do.”
“No, there is no seeing. Vuk has loads of air miles from all the business traveling he does. It will cost us nothing to get another ticket.”
I was almost speechless with gratitude. This was so generous of her to offer, but it was in no way out of character. I only ached at the thought of sitting next to her on that plane with no tiara on my lap.
I had to get it back. There was no way I could show up to the wedding empty-handed. Disappointing Maja would be just like the time I’d disappointed Mama all those years ago.
We finished our meal, and I was using a piece of my roll to sop up the gravy from the plate. Helena teased me about my old world manners and I laughed, blaming her son for the habit.
Our smiles faded just a little bit at the mention of the ghost between us. Without looking at her, I reached for my goblet of ice water. “I can’t believe that next week it’ll be seven years…”
Helena’s elegant dark brows were untroubled, but I could read the pain in the back of her blue eyes. That unique, sharp pain that, I imagined, could only be truly understood by other parents cursed with the most horrible of fates—to have outlived their child. But Helena was no mythical Queen Niobe, who wept unceasingly for her lost children. Helena, in fact, was the picture of dignified strength. I admired her greatly for that—among other things.
She rolled her lips into her mouth and then smoothed her napkin across her lap. “I’m going to the cemetery tomorrow. I’ll be out of town next week,” she declared in a flat voice.
I straightened in my chair. “I’ll be there next week. I’ll make sure there are fresh flowers on his grave.”
“You go often,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
I nodded. “His birthday. The holidays. The anniversary of our first date. And…” I left the last one unspoken. The anniversary of his death. Next week. Seven years. Seven years since my heart had followed him into that grave.
Her dark brows twitched together. “What does that work out to be? Every month? More?”
I shrugged. “Something like that.”
She frowned, studying the uneaten food on her plate, picking at it with a fork. “Jenna, we’ve had this talk before,” she said, switching to English.
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you? But you’re still going to ignore it? You’re twenty-five years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. I know he wouldn’t want you living like this.”
“Like what? My life hasn’t ended. I’ve seen other guys.”
“Yes, how is that going with the new one? Douglas, right?”
I grimaced, aware that this would only serve to reinforce her argument. “I broke up with Doug last weekend.”
“Hmm,” she said, her gaze on me sharpening. Heat rose to my cheeks. It was like she and Alex were psychically connected. “Braco wasn’t perfect. You just remember him that way.”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly clogged. Helena watched me as I blinked my tears away. “I know he wasn’t perfect. He was just—”
“Perfect for you, I know. But you were both children. How do you know you wouldn’t have grown apart as you grew up? Jenna…he wouldn’t want you ending your life when his ended. I say this bluntly because I’m talking to a girl who I’ve thought of as my adopted daughter for ten years now.”
I reached over and covered Helena’s hand with mine. “Thank you. I understand what you’re trying to do.”
“Then you must listen to me. Somewhere out there, there is someone for you. This belief you have of one true soulmate…it’s not true. It can’t be.”
I shook my head, unable to give her words credence. “So you don’t think Vuk is your soulmate?”
“No, I don’t. He’s my friend and my lover and my partner, but there is no soulmate.”
“You think you could be just as happy with someone else as you are with him?”
She shrugged. “Maybe even happier. Maybe somewhere out there is a Vuk who doesn’t leave his socks all over the floor or likes to do the dishes once in a while. Or who can dance.” At that, we both laughed.
We turned down dessert when the waiter returned and Helena asked for the bill. As always, I wished I were in a position to offer to pay, vowing that someday I’d take her out to a nice eatery and proudly pay the bill myself.
After driving me back to the apartment, Helena gave me a long hug and called me srce moje, which meant, “my heart.” A name a mother called her child. She held me tight, and when I pulled away, she clamped on tighter.
“For me, Janja, and for him. Fall in love again. You must free yourself before it will even be possible.”
I kissed her cheeks, not allowing my tears to fall until she turned away. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I couldn’t allow it—that it wasn’t only myself I was protecting, but those around me. Too many of my relationships had ended with people being hurt or even killed.