“Did you talk much?”
I shrugged, trying to shove aside the panic and reason through the events of that night. I experienced again the cold thrill of sitting and talking with him, planning out what would happen next—anonymous sex, so unlike me, so dangerous. I’d rebelled against Cari’s words because they’d so closely echoed my mother’s words six months before. I hope my relationship with Gunnar isn’t weird for you…we’re just having fun. If anyone knows how to show a guy a good time, it’s your MILF-mama. More bile burned my throat at the humiliating memory of her words over the phone, of the tears I’d held in until she’d hung up.
“A little. We talked over drinks. I got silly and giggly, and then I invited him back to my room.”
“Why?”
I rolled my eyes. “To play charades. Why do you think?”
“April…”
I grimaced. “I hadn’t had sex in a long time. A woman has her needs. Please don’t get judgy or I won’t tell you what happened.”
“Well, I think from your starring role, I can see plain as day what happened. What I don’t get is why you recorded it.”
Sighing, I gathered my dirty clothes off the floor and tossed them into my hamper. “Because somewhere in my drunken stupor, I was all horny and hot for this guy’s bod.
And…I was excited, you know? I’d never ever done something like that before. So I thought, what could possibly make this encounter even more exciting? And it just popped into my head. I set my phone down and hit record. Then I attacked him where he was sitting in the chair.”
“You recorded the entire thing? Because the video is only five minutes long, and even I know that...well, that it must have gone on longer than that.”
“He said something about wanting to lay me down on the bed. I got up and turned the phone off.”
“And how the heck do you have no idea who it was? He never took his helmet off?”
“He was going to take it off, but I told him not to. I didn’t want to know who he was. It was more exciting that way. Then…when we moved to the bed, he laid me facedown, turned off the lights and took off the helmet. I didn’t look or try to figure it out. That’s the whole point of anonymous sex.”
Her eyes bugged. “Uh. If you say so. Was it…more exciting that way?”
Heat rose to my face at the memory of the weight of him, his hands and mouth at the small of my back, the feel of him pushing inside me. “It was.”
“Do you think he knew who you were?”
God, I hoped not. He’d be one more person to deal with over this viral video catastrophe. But there was no way…
“I was wearing the purple wig, and my face was all made up with that glitter paint you gave me. I’m pretty sure he’d never be able to pick me out of a crowd.”
“And he knows you recorded it, right?”
My stomach dropped and I stared at her, reluctant to admit it. “Uhhh...”
Her face fell. “Criminy, April. You made a sex tape and didn’t tell the guy you were doing it?”
I put my head in my hands, mostly to avoid her scrutiny. “I told you my judgment was crap. But I swear to God it wasn’t meant for anyone to watch. It was just a flight of fancy, like buying a cheesy souvenir after an awesome vacation. I planned on deleting it later.”
Her lips pursed like a disapproving grandma. “Too late for that.”
I straightened and looked at her. “Any thoughts about damage control?”
“The mean girls saw you hook up with Falco, didn’t they?”
I blinked, blearily remembering walking by the booth where they were sitting. I was holding hands with Falco and waving to them. “Yeah…if they see the video, they’ll know it’s me. But I think they’ll cover for me.”
They were my friends…at least on the surface, they were. I could count on them to keep my identity secret, couldn’t I?
Sid left her chair and sank down next to me on the bed, slinging an arm around my shoulders. I looked at her, my throat feeling prickly. What the hell was I going to do?
“You’ve got to stop letting her get to you like this.” I knew she meant my mom and not Cari. “And Gunnar—”
“Gunnar can suck it. I hope I never see him again.”
“But you probably have to now. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah—or do you do that one with your dad?” Given the choice, I’d do them all on my own. I stared into my lap, feeling utterly alone. Her arm tightened around my shoulders. “Gunnar is nothing to you—just brief, ancient history. You only dated him for like, what? A few months?”