He sighed and sat down. “Connor was getting a little…needy.”
I leaned forward, alarmed. “What do you mean ‘was’? You didn’t break up with him, did you?”
Heath looked at me and then away. “No…I’m not you, after all.”
I sat back, deflated. That had stung. “I guess I deserved that.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I fiddled with the edges of the pages of my book and swallowed a sudden lump that had formed in my throat. Heath’s words smarted, but it was true—I’d deserved the comment. I’d broken up with Adam after one fight—albeit a huge fight. He’d done something to utterly betray my trust, but instead of giving him the opportunity to explain, or even a second chance, I’d shoved him away. I’d thought it would be easier. It was almost as if that fight had given me the excuse to spare him this whole cancer thing. I’d been like a one-woman crusade, vowing I was strong enough to overcome all by myself. But I’d leaned on Heath…far more than I should have.
I looked up at him. Was he finally feeling bitter because of it? My throat tightened. He got up and sat next to me on the couch. We stared at each other and then he stretched out an arm. “I’m sorry. Come here, dollface.”
I leaned forward and his arms came around me. “I hope things are okay with you and Connor,” I said, looking over his huge shoulder at nothing while he hugged me.
He let me go and I sat back. “They’ll be okay. He’s wanting to spend more time with me and there aren’t enough hours in the day.”
I pressed my lips together, watching him. What he wasn’t saying was that he felt obligated to be around the house to look after me and drive me to my appointments. Even though I’d told him repeatedly that he didn’t need to.
I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Thank you for putting up with my idiocy.”
“Hmm. Yeah, I wasn’t doing you any favors.”
I blinked, my eyes stinging. “Thanks for being there for me even though I’m not perfect.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Heath?”
He glanced up at me. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry. I never told you that before, during all of this. I’m so sorry. I put you in a crappy position.”
“You were afraid. I get it.”
“I still am.”
His eyes narrowed as he stared at me. “Yeah…we all are. But…the difference is that most of the time we don’t let fear lead us to do stupid things. Who was it that said…something about courage not being the absence of fear but the triumph over it?”
I sighed, rubbing my forehead. “That was Nelson Mandela or Eleanor Roosevelt or someone like that.”
“Hard to get those two mixed up.” He laughed. “I’m trying to say that you can’t let fear rule you all the time. You’ve got to stand up to it and overcome it. Let it help you grow as a person.”
I smiled, throwing a playful pretend-punch at him. “When did you get all wise and stuff?”
“Wise and wiseass…there ain’t a big difference.”
“Good point.” I smiled. “Why don’t you ask Connor to come live here?”
He threw me a glance out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve been…thinking about it.”
I laughed. “Is that what this unprecedented cleanup job is all about? Decluttering to make room for the boyfriend’s stuff?”
“So you wouldn’t mind?”
“Why would I mind? This is your place. You have the right to ask your boyfriend to live with you.”
“You and I were roommates before Brian and I got together. Then I moved out, forced you to move to that dive studio.”
“It wasn’t a dive!”
“You know what I mean. I don’t want you to think that if Connor comes here that you have to leave.”
I leaned forward and patted him on the shoulder. “Well, thank you. I appreciate it. Now ask him.”
When he pulled me into a hug, thanking me, I couldn’t stop thinking about his words—about fear. That it was exactly what kept me from accepting Adam’s offer to move in with him again. Would fear of all that lay ahead lead me to make more poor choices?
Chapter Eight
Adam
Emilia had her minor surgical procedures done and then a few days later we showed up at the hospital for her first round of chemotherapy. She would endure a total of twelve treatments, one every week for the next three months.