I swallowed my laugh. “It’s platinum blond, you dolt.”
“Dolt! Ah, you can do better than that. Come on, hit me hard.”
The clippers slipped against the back of my ear, tickling me. I started laughing. “Bastard. Fucktard. Asshole.”
“I’m shaving all your hair off. You’re going to be the chick version of Humpty Dumpty.”
“Fuck you, prick,” I ground out between gritted teeth.
“Damn, the reflection of this light off your head is blinding me. Can’t see a thing.”
He purposely set the clippers against the sensitive back of my neck and I shrieked, laughing. “Pencil dick.”
“Are you married to Mr. Clean?”
“You better run when you’re done with this shit, ’cause if I catch you, I’m so kicking your ass.”
“Sounds exciting,” he said, clicking off the clippers. “Done.”
I didn’t move for a stretch of minutes, taking a long breath.
“You ready? You need me to psych you up?”
“Shut your hole, asshat,” I said, then cleared my throat and straightened, looking at myself in the mirror.
Yeah, I was speechless. I looked like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. My eyes flew to Adam, who was watching me very closely, probably expecting another meltdown.
So I took my pinky finger, raised it to my lip and said, “I shall call him, ‘mini-me,’” in as best an imitation of Mike Myers’ portrayal as I could manage.
Adam’s handsome face broke into a smile. His stance relaxed, as if he was relieved.
I raised my hand to my naked scalp. “Shit, this feels so weird.”
He held up the clippers. “Wanna do me now?”
“Don’t even fucking think about it. How would the horny little interns fantasize about running their fingers through your hair if you were as bald as me?” And what would I fantasize about? I mentally added.
He rolled his eyes in response. I ran my hand over my head again. “Feel this shit. It’s weird as hell.”
He set down the clippers and obediently ran a hand over my head. He shot me a seductive look in the mirror. One that, in other circumstances, might have made my panties hit the floor fairly quickly. “Shit. I’m getting so turned on right now.”
I elbowed him lightly in his hard stomach and he gasped as if I’d slammed him with a two by four.
“You are the hottest bald woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“Fuck you.”
He threw his hands up. “What? I’m serious. Ilia from the very first Star Trek movie? Did you see that? The one from the seventies?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “A long, long time ago.”
“Yeah, she was this Deltan chick. So hot that sex with her killed any human dude who tried to screw her. Still not as hot as you.”
I turned around and faced him, folding my arms across my chest. “You’re so full of shit.”
“Am not. You see V for Vendetta? The bald chick in that one—Natalie Portman. She was hot. Very hot. But again… not as hot as you.”
I bent my head now, trying to hide the fact that I was laughing. “You know of any other bald women?”
“Demi Moore in G.I. Jane. Not even close to your level of hotness.”
“Did you do an Internet search to look this up or something?”
He gave me a funny look. “I watch a lot of movies.”
I turned back to the mirror and ran a hand over my scalp. He came up behind me and put a hand on my head again. He bent toward me as if he might kiss me. My heartbeat raced and I tilted my head back slightly in anticipation. Would he kiss me? Did he want me?
But before he connected, I watched him stiffen and draw back almost as quickly. We locked gazes in the mirror and I swallowed.
“Ripley,” he said.
“What?”
“Ripley from Alien. You know… Sigourney Weaver.”
I frowned at him. “She had hair.”
“Not in the third one. She was bald—bald as you.”
“You actually saw the third movie? I heard it sucked so much ass it could be a black hole.”
“You are still hotter than bald Ripley from the ass-sucking Alien movie.” He shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot of bad movies, too.”
I looked at myself again. “At least I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes… for now.”
Adam shrugged. “You could possibly still keep those.”
I glanced at him and shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. It’s not like I’m out to impress anyone.” Except him.