I took the letter from her hands and sat down next to her on the bed, still in just my towel. “I know you probably aren’t going to believe me, but I was going to tell you all about this and everything else tonight or the next time I saw you.”
“Everything else? What in the fuck is going on, Ash? Why have I been accepted into some college that I didn’t apply to?” The confusion was quickly turning into anger and I knew that I needed to start explaining fast.
“Let me put some clothes on so that we can talk,” I said as I slid off the bed and walked over to my dresser. I swiftly threw on some boxers and pajama pants and then rejoined her on the bed. She just sat there staring at me, making no attempt to hide her displeasure; I was expecting either steam to start rising from her head or a flood of tears to fall from her big brown eyes at any minute.
“Okay, so here’s the deal. As you know I’m finishing up my Master’s degree this May, so I’ve been applying to several different universities to enter their doctorate programs. I knew that if I was accepted into any of these, I’d have to move and I wanted you to come with me wherever I went. So without talking to you first, I took it upon myself to apply for a transfer for you to each of these schools as well. I thought that once I found the right place where we could both go, I’d present it to you and you’d want to go together. I didn’t want to tell you and stress you out until I knew that we were both in.”
“So let me get this straight… you were basically deciding my future for me. You weren’t giving me any say in what school I go to or where I live?”
“Well there are only a handful of schools that offer a PhD program in nuclear astrophysics, so I applied to all of them for both of us. I mean, of course you have the option to not come with me, but I thought that this…,” I explained as I moved my hand back and forth between our two bodies, “I thought we were for forever, so I assumed that you would want to go.”
“Do you hear yourself right now? Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth? You’re no better than my parents who tried to control me forever. You’re completely planning my future for me, without even discussing it with me!”
“That wasn’t my intention, Scarlett…”
“No! It’s my turn to talk,” she interrupted me. “You of all people… the person that has been so adamant about me learning to make decisions on my own, to live my life for me, to not let others control me… you’re such a hypocrite! That’s exactly what you’ve done, or are trying to do. I can’t believe this.” She jumped off the bed and began pacing around my room.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about it like that. I thought if when I told you about it, I had all the facts together, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I promise you, butterfly, I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was taking away your decision. If you would’ve said no to all of them, then we would’ve figured out something else.” My voice was now shaking, but with fear instead of anger as hers was.
“We would’ve figured something else out? Like you wouldn’t have continued your education? Bull shit! And don’t even with the ‘butterfly’ crap right now, that’s a fucking joke. You don’t want me to grow wings and learn how to fly, you want me in a little cocoon where you can control me just like everyone else!”
“Scarlett, please calm down. I know you’re mad; I know that I fucked this up, and I’m desperately trying to tell you that I’m sorry. I was going to tell you about everything, even without knowing that the letter came. I talked to Crys today and she made me realize that I was being a selfish asshole, especially with the way I handled this. I’m sorry! I want to know what you want. Please, let’s talk about this,” I pleaded with her.
“What I want right now is some time by myself. I need to cool off and time to think. I’ll call you later.” She picked up her purse and keys off of my bed and stomped out of the room. I desperately wanted to call after her, to chase after her and beg her not to leave, but I didn’t. I let her walk out the door, hoping and praying that it wasn’t for good… hoping and praying she wouldn’t run to his arms again.
SCARLETT
Anger didn’t even begin to cover the emotion that was coursing through my veins. Rage… fury... disappointment… irritation… outrage. I couldn’t stop shaking as I escaped Ash’s house and got into my car. I was so overwhelmed with everything that I had just found out, I couldn’t even cry. It was almost as if I was feeling so much, that I just went numb, like a defense mechanism so that I didn’t have a complete mental breakdown.
I needed someone to talk to badly. I couldn’t talk to Mase about this; he didn’t need any of my issues to stress about especially on his first day home with a new roommate. I could go home and talk to Max, but I felt like all I did was cry about my life to him. Plus, if I found out that he knew about what Ash had done, I was going to be livid with him as well. I tried calling Mina, but she didn’t answer; she was probably out with Noah somewhere, as she usually was. I really needed my Evie in that moment. I missed her all the time, but I really fucking needed her right then.
I drove straight to the cemetery; it was where I had to go, the only place that I felt I could find some solace. I parked my car not far from her gravesite and grabbed my jacket out of the backseat. The sun was disappearing into the horizon and the frigid February night was setting in rapidly. It had only been a couple of months since I had been there at the one year anniversary of her death, but so much had happened in that short amount of time. I trudged my way over to her headstone and knelt down in front of it. The ground was frozen and the wetness of the soil quickly soaked through the knees of my jeans, but I barely noticed.
EVELYN ROSE STEWART
April 27, 1993 ~ December 10, 2012