The next thing I felt was the sucker punch to my gut. Fire blossomed in my lower abdomen. I shoved Heath back while fighting for my next breath. He went flying backward into the sink and knocked the army of pee sticks off the counter. I backed out of the bathroom, putting my arms up.
“Calm down, Heath.”
Emilia was shouting at the same time. “Heath! I have this handled, all right? Knock it off!”
Heath pivoted from me and turned his wrath on Emilia. “You’ve got this handled? You’ve got this fucking handled? You have chemo next week. How the fuck do you think that’s going to happen now?”
Chemo? That word hit me like a second punch to my gut. Emilia was saying something to Heath in a low voice, but he was red-faced and furious. He stepped back into the bathroom. “No, no. I’m not going to ‘shut the fuck up,’ all right? You should have told him weeks ago. You should have told them all weeks ago. Maybe then he wouldn’t have fucked you and handed you your death sentence.”
I stepped back, stunned. From my angle, I couldn’t see either of them, but I could see the counter behind the sink and now, beyond the plethora of scattered pregnancy tests, I noticed an entire lineup of prescription bottles. The realization hit me then, like a Mack truck driving straight through my chest.
Emilia had cancer.
And she was pregnant.
And she needed chemotherapy.
I turned and staggered down the hall, trying to catch my breath, running my hand through my hair. Heath came down the hall after me. I spun.
He looked exactly like he was going to take another swing at me. “You fucked it up again, man. You fucked it up good—literally.”
I could feel the blood draining out of my face. I almost stepped forward and purposely left myself open for another punch. It would have felt better than the utter terror coursing through my veins at this moment. I could hardly even think.
“She has stage two HER2-positive breast cancer,” he choked out, appearing as near to losing it as I felt. “It’s extremely dangerous—extremely aggressive. When she was in Maryland, she had a chunk of her breast removed and she’d been taking drugs that fucked up her hormones. She was also on painkillers for a little while—those syringes you found in her bag. She’d just finished radiation therapy before the Con. And she was supposed to start chemo next week, but they won’t do it now if she’s pregnant so fuck you very much for that.”
I turned away from him, put my face in my hands. I didn’t even care if he came at me. Oh, God. This got worse and worse with each minute that passed. I longed to go back to yesterday when the worst problem I thought we were facing was what we were going to do about her pregnancy. But this was making me wish the ground would open up under my feet and swallow me whole.
There was silence between us and I could tell Heath was trying to figure out what to do or say. That made two of us. I was reeling, like the room spinning around me. I closed my eyes, squeezed them shut. My heart was still racing.
When Heath finally spoke, it was in a voice thick with emotion. “I fucked up, too. Because I should have told you, even if she would have disowned me. She’s shut everyone out and I’ve been the one carrying the football for this whole thing.”
I blinked, looked down, hardly trusted myself to speak, glad he couldn’t see my face. “Thanks for taking care of her. I—” My voice shook and I cut myself off, shaking my head. My throat stung and I couldn’t think.
I heard Heath come up behind me slowly. “You should talk to her, man.”
I fought for breath, and even that simple act was painful. “I have no idea what we have to say to each other.”
Heath came closer and I tensed. He hooked a hand onto my shoulder. “You need to talk to her. You know what she needs to do and she’s not going to listen to me.”
“She’s not going to listen to me either.”
“Adam,” Heath said, his voice hardening. “Man up, okay? Look past your own hurt feelings. If she doesn’t do what we both know she has to, she could die.”
I shrugged off his hand, turned from him and rubbed the morning beard on my chin, knowing he was right. I nodded.
Heath sighed heavily. “I’m gonna get dressed and get out of here for a few hours. Let you two talk.”
I nodded again, still unable to look at him or focus on anything. He turned and walked out. I sat on the couch and stared down the hall for a long time after Heath ducked his head into the guestroom where Emilia was staying and told her he was leaving her with me. I pulled out my smart phone and did a search for stage two HER2-positive breast cancer. I added pregnancy into the search. I skimmed as fast as I could to glean as much information as possible. The cold fear was fading into the background and now hard, rational problem-solving was stepping in to take its place. This I was comfortable with. This I knew…As I gathered the information I’d need, my mind was working constantly to find a way through this puzzle.