“Sure thing, babe!” he said as he kissed my forehead. He was out the door before I could say anything else.
I spent the rest of the evening trying not to make eye contact with my told-you-so mom, who hadn’t been a big fan of Zach from the moment she met him. I was going to great lengths to sugarcoat things to make it seem like he was as excited as I was about starting our own family. I obviously couldn’t lie anymore, nor did I need to. She could see it.
Zach never came back that night.
Instead, he showed up the next morning, still wearing the same clothes and smelling like he slept in the bottom of a beer bottle. I made him run in and shower in my bathroom while my mom was downstairs in the cafeteria getting herself some coffee.
I should have known right then that it was the beginning of a very dark, lonely road.
But I didn’t.
Call it denial. Call it stupidity. I put my blinders on and pushed through, determined to do everything in my power to keep my family together. I was hopeful that he would eventually fall as deeply in love with Lucy and Piper as I did and want to be with us forever. When the girls were only a couple months old, we looked at engagement rings. My stupid, naive self thought he had secretly bought one and was paying it off, when in reality he was planning his escape. I felt like such an idiot.
The baby monitor lit up on the kitchen counter, bringing my trip down memory lane to a screeching halt. I walked over and turned the volume up. The girls had woken up from their naps and were babbling and giggling to each other. The sound of their sweet voices usually made my heart swell with joy, but right now each little cackle coming from their bedroom was another blow to my already weak heart. What was I going to tell them when they were older?
Tears slid down my cheeks and the stream quickly turned into an ocean. Sinking to the floor in my kitchen as the world below me fell away, I sobbed and sobbed until I couldn’t cry anymore. I leaned against the cabinet for what felt like hours, wondering what my life was going to be like from this point on. I made a silent promise to myself and to my daughters. I would never go through this again. They deserved better; so did I.
I had my girls and they were all I needed. Failing them was not an option. Suddenly, I was on my own and had to figure out how to not only provide for, but grow and nurture two little girls. It was all up to me. So I did what any normal nineteen-year-old, suddenly single mom would do.
I swallowed my pride and called my mom.
“Zach? At the hospital? Are you serious?” Lauren shrieked so loud into the phone I had to pull it away from my ear for a second.
“Obviously.” I sighed. “I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”
“He totally fell off the grid. I haven’t heard a word about him since he left. And I certainly had no idea he was a paramedic!”
“Me either. Needless to say, I was stunned.”
“What did he say? What did you say?”
“Nothing. I ran. Shocker, huh?” I chuckled nervously. “I pretended to get sick and sprinted to the bathroom. This other nurse, Darla, had to take over the patient while I sat on the floor of the bathroom stall having a full-blown panic attack for fifteen minutes. When I came out, he was gone.”
“Did you tell Brody?”
“Not yet. This just happened yesterday. I haven’t even processed it yet. Nor do I have any idea how to tell him.”
“You told Alexa, right?”
“Nope. You’re the only one that knows so far. Lucky you, huh?” I waited for her to laugh. She didn’t, so I continued, “Anyway, I can’t tell anyone. My mom’s first instinct will be to pack us all up in the car and move across country, and I’m worried that Alexa will go to the hospital and kill him.”
“You know she’s going to lose her mind when she finds out, right?”
“Alexa? Yeah, I know.” I sighed. “Which is exactly why I can’t tell her right now.”
“Kacie!”
“I’ll tell her eventually, just not yet. You know how she gets, Lauren. She’s so protective of us and hot-headed when it comes to Zach. Promise you won’t tell her?”
Lauren sighed, “It’s not my news to tell, so of course I won’t. I just don’t like this.”
“There might not be anything to get worked up about anyway.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“Maybe that’ll be the only time I’ll have to see him. Who knows? With any luck, I can put my hours in and escape without ever having to see him again.”
I sat back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to force myself to believe the lie I’d just told Lauren. The odds of me not seeing him again over the next couple months were slim to none.
“Oh God, Kacie. I don’t even know what to say,” she said.
I had been friends with Lauren long enough to know exactly what she looked like at that moment, even from 4,700 miles away. Her blue eyes were as wide as saucers while her long, perfectly manicured hands were over her mouth. I could hear the wooden floors creaking beneath her feet as she paced her apartment.
“What’s going on?” Tommy called from the background.
“Zach is back!” she called to him.
“No shit!” he exclaimed. “Did Brody kick his ass?”
“He doesn’t know yet.”
“Oh shit. When he finds out, he’s going to kill him. Ask Kacie not to tell him until this season is over so he doesn’t go to jail, okay? I have a lot of money riding on him.”
“Shhh!” Lauren hissed at him. “What are you gonna do, Kacie?”
I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “I don’t know. What can I do? If I request a hospital transfer now, either I’ll end up in a field I don’t want to be in or they could make me wait ‘til next semester to switch and finish my hours, which would delay my graduation. I’m stuck.”
“Do you want me to come home?”
“Yes,” I said sarcastically. “Please hop on a plane and travel halfway around the world because I ran into my ex-boyfriend. I love you, but no.”
“You know if you said yes, seriously, I would be on a plane in an hour,” she said softly.
“I know you would and I really do love you for it.”
“So… how did he look?”
“Lauren!”
“What?” she squealed defensively. “I didn’t mean, like, were you checking him out. I just meant it’s been a long time. How did he look?”
“I don’t know. The same. Older. He had a baseball hat on, so I couldn’t see much.”
“Kacie…”
“What?”
“I know you. There was a ‘but’ coming.”
She does know me well.
“God, Lauren… those eyes. Those big brown puppy dog eyes that both the girls got from him…” I sighed. “They haven’t changed one bit.”
“Do you miss him?” she asked slowly. “Any sparks?”
“Hell no!” I screeched, lowering my voice when I remembered Brody was just a couple rooms away. “Brody on his worst day is a thousand times better than Zach on his best day. It’s not about missing him; I was just caught off guard, that’s all.”