Realization hit me like a sack of cement.
Matt thought I'd gleefully helped him come and enjoyed our intimate chat on the phone, all the while cruising into my next relationship.
"Matt!" I snapped.
"What," he snapped back.
"I would never have done those things with you if I had a new guy, god! Could you for one minute think better of me? I mean first the picture thing, now this. I get that you don't know me, but seriously, you're projecting your assholery onto me. I'm not some backhanded psycho chick looking for a good time on the phone because I don't have the guts to cheat for real on my nonexistent new guy, trust me."
I was gripping Ten Thousand Nights so hard my nails dug into the cover. Okay, so I kind of lost it right there. But he deserved it.
I listened to the silence. I checked my phone to make sure Matt wasn't "simply done talking." He was still on the line.
"Hello? Matt?"
He began to chuckle, the wry sound fanning my anger.
"Assholery?" he murmured.
"Yeah, well. Ugh. You know what I mean." I loosened my hold on the paperback. "And by the way, I know you plagiarized M. Pierce last night. Nice try."
Matt was quiet again.
"Hey... I'm kidding. I mean, you did quote from Ten Thousand Nights. But it was awesome. Pierce is seriously one of my favorite authors."
"Oh? I've only read that one book. Not sure why I bothered. It got a lot of publicity; I thought it would be better. I guess the line stuck with me. Personally I think the author is a bit of a windbag. What are you wearing?"
Matt's sudden transition from bored dismissal to my attire left me speechless.
"Clothes," he offered. "You have them on. I want to know what they look like."
"I'm outside," I said sheepishly, "sitting on the edge of the U-Haul."
"I don't care. I'm not angling for phone sex, though I wouldn't mind it. It's unusually easy to come with you, Hannah. Unusually satisfying, too."
I sighed and tilted my head against the cool metal interior of the trailer.
"Soon I'll be home. I'll have my own room, a door I can lock."
"I can't think about that now," Matt said. "Don't make plans. I'm not real."
"What?"
"You don't know me. I'm scared to have you close. Tell me what you're wearing."
"A... a little black dress with an empire waist. Black strapless bra, black thong."
"Another thong. Did you wear that for me? Did you know we'd talk?"
"Yes." I blushed. "And no. I wore it so I could tell you. I didn't know if we would talk. I hoped we would."
"Hannah..." For a split second, Matt sounded grieved. When he spoke again, his voice was level. "God, Hannah. I've been thinking about fucking you. It's like there's something wrong with me. I can't stop thinking about it. I want my body against yours, my cock inside of you. It's driving me wild. Does that frighten you?"
"No. No, I've... been thinking about it too."
"Have you? Tell me."
"Yeah." I pursed my lips and swallowed. He wanted me to describe my fantasies? How totally awkward. "Um, I'm surprised I haven't veered off the road yet, honestly. I just keep... daydreaming hardcore." Oof, word choice.
"Hardcore? How illuminating." Matt chuckled. "I'll tell you, then. Today when I showered, I thought about having you there. I thought about your soft body pressed against the cold tiles, my arm around your neck, your ass against my cock."
I closed my eyes.
"Go on," I whispered. My words pulled another little laugh from Matt. I found myself smiling at the sound, which was quickly becoming one of my favorite sounds.
"Greedy little bird, aren't you? I thought about your breasts pressed into the tiles. I wouldn't be gentle, Hannah. I would force your legs apart and finger you like I owned you."
A helpless moan slipped out of me. I clamped a hand over my mouth and glanced around the parking lot. I was alone. The only sounds were the wind and the occasional rumble of a truck passing on the highway.
"I'd make you moan a lot louder than that. Whether or not you were ready, I would push my dick up inside of you... and you would shake against me. I would slap your ass to feel you tighten up in surprise."
"God," I sighed. I had turned to jelly, slumped against the wall of the trailer. I would definitely need to change my underwear before I slept.
"I think that'll do for now," Matt said, his voice suddenly businesslike. "Believe it or not, I'm trying to be decent tonight. This morning, rather"
"Decent?" I felt myself spiraling back down to earth. God, this guy could breathe and get me wound up.
"Mm, decent. As in, trying to have an interaction with you that doesn't end with me whipping out my dick... even if jerking off is the only thing that puts me in a good mood."
I laughed and rolled my eyes.
"Fair enough, no more sexy talk tonight. But one night of decency won't clear your reputation, Matt. Sorry."
"Hey, I'm not usually like this. I usually play my depravity a little closer to my chest."
"Pfft, you're not depraved."
"Tell that to my dick. I swear, it's like a dog lately—show it the slightest scrap of attention and it gets all excited."
I giggled, then blinked. Did I just... giggle?
"Um." I picked at the hem of my dress. "Yeah, so." No sexy talk. Great, fine, except I didn't know if Matt and I were capable of normal talk.
"Aha, not only is she a first-class phone sex partner, but her scintillating conversational skills will likewise leave a man breathless."
"Matt! Yeesh, I was thinking." I tucked a coil of hair behind my ear. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to go... or if we could talk for a little bit. Um, about decent things."