Passing the phone to Lucas, I said, “This was taken last night.”
He looked at it for only a second as if it were merely a picture and not the most stunning image ever snapped, which was exactly the way it felt to me.
“Are you his girlfriend?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I think I was. But today has been pretty crazy for all of us. Look, the reason I wanted to show you this is because you know your dad. He wouldn’t just kiss anyone like that. He trusted me…” The L in Lucas was on the tip of my tongue, but I managed to stop it before it rolled off. “Travis.” I faked a smile. “He even asked me to be your doctor when we first met. And I’d like to think that he would still trust me to do what is best for you in this situation too.” A lump lodged in my throat, and my nose began to sting. I had no idea if I was lying to him or not.
I hoped I wasn’t.
But I was afraid I was.
Tom and Brady were still adamant about Porter’s involvement in this.
But the longer I thought about it, the more doubts I had. Though I recognized that those were probably just the hopes and dreams of the woman from the picture rather than reality.
After clearing my throat, I continued. “I know you’re scared, and I know you’re overwhelmed. Because I am too. But I swear on my life I’m here for you, Travis. And despite what happened at your house today, which I will again apologize for, I think your dad would like the fact that I’m here with you too.”
He blinked up at me, his thick black lashes fluttering as he struggled to beat back his emotions. “Do you know where he is?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’m just as lost as you are in all of this. I don’t know what’s going on outside of this room right now or what’s going to happen when you and I leave, but I promise you I’m going to make it okay. Whatever that means. Whatever I have to do. I will make this okay.” A tear rolled down my cheek, and I quickly swiped it away. “I won’t let anything happen to you again. I swear.”
His face softened, and his lungs still rattled far more than I would have liked, but the fear had thankfully started to fade from his eyes. “Can I text him?”
My breath flew from my lungs, and I nervously cut my gaze to the social worker in the corner.
She was watching us closely, but her expression held no answers. Not a hint of sure, let the boy do it or even no fucking way. She just stared at me like I was supposed to know how to handle this.
“Please,” he whispered, drawing my gaze back to his.
Brady would have lost his mind.
But that text wasn’t about him.
It wasn’t about me.
It wasn’t even about Porter.
It was about a scared little boy. One who, in the span of a few hours, had had his whole life flipped upside down.
And he was my scared little boy, so there was not one thing, including the wrath of Brady Boyd, that could have stopped me from saying, “Sure.”
His eyes lit. “Really?”
“Of course. Go ahead. I’m not sure if he has his phone right now, but he’ll see it whenever he gets it back.”
He smiled, big and toothy. Just like his father. And I didn’t mean Brady.
Using one finger, he pecked out a message. His mouth stretched wider each time he glanced up at me.
I could have spent the rest of my life in that chair, watching him grin at that screen.
In those seconds, he looked a lot like the woman laughing in the picture, and that filled me in all the right places. I wasn’t sure if that woman was gone or not, but I’d never forget the way she felt.
And, right then, I knew that my baby was feeling it too.
I heard the swoosh of the send button, and then he passed me my phone back, a bright smile still dancing on his face, slow and steady breaths flowing from his lungs.
“My sister, Hannah, would like your phone.”
My inner smile fell flat, but the one on my lips remained strong. Tucking my phone back into my pocket, I asked, “Oh yeah?”
“It’s purple. She loves purple.”
“What color do you love?” I asked to change the subject.
“Uh.” His eyes flashed around the room while he thought. “I guess green. Or maybe blue. Wait…no. Definitely green. But blue… Ugh…I don’t know.”
God, he was cute.
“Both are good colors.”
“My dad likes blue.”
My heart dipped, but I kept smiling like my mouth didn’t know how to do anything else. “You’re right. He does.”
We stared at each other, almost like he knew he shouldn’t be talking about Porter, and he was daring me to tell him to stop.
But I wouldn’t. I didn’t care that it felt like he was twisting a knife in my stomach. Not as long as he kept smiling at me like that.
The door opened with a creak, and I turned to see Brady coming back in, panic in his eyes, a first aid kit in his hand.
“I’m so sorry. I couldn’t find one that had anything more than Band-Aids in it. One of the guys went and got this out of their car.” He raked a shaky hand through his hair and asked, “What else do you need?”
“Nothing. We’re all good now. Thanks for grabbing that though,” I said, righting myself in my chair.
Lucas was peering up at him, his mouth in a straight line, and those nerves I’d all but erased were once again present in his ashen face.
“He’s nervous, but I promise he’s a good guy,” I whispered to my son.
His gaze bounced to mine. “I’m hungry. Can we go get something out of the snack machine? I saw it when they brought me in.”
“Uh…” I drawled. “Did it have any chocolate in it?”
“I think so.”
“Then yes.”
He stared at me stoically for several beats, and then that grin that healed my soul broke across his face again.
We both stood and headed to the door, but right before we passed Brady, the world disappeared.
The past.
The present.
The happiness.
The tears.
The fear.
The pain.
The longing.
The guilt.
The loneliness.
Everything was just gone.
Well, everything except Lucas as he took my hand in his.
I couldn’t even pretend to control them anymore. Tears sprang from my eyes, and I turned my head so he wouldn’t see them.
Emotions I hadn’t felt in years bubbled to the surface. It was a miracle that I could figure out how to put one foot in front of the other.
I had missed him so damn much. And there he was, holding my hand. Of his own accord.
Doing everything I could to keep the silent sobs locked away, I allowed Lucas to lead me past Brady, who was standing with his mouth hanging open, out the door and past my mom, who was curled against Tom’s side. Their eyes filled with tears as they watched us go straight to the vending machines.
Out of the darkness.
And into the light.
* * *
It was three in the morning when my attorney, Mark Leman, led me out of the police station.
The sky was dark, not even a star visible among the hovering clouds.
But, at the same time, the reality was so bright it was blinding.
“Porter!” my dad yelled, his long legs eating the distance between us, relief crinkling the corners of his green eyes.
Tanner was right behind him, a similar expression contorting his face.
“Where’s Hannah?” I asked.
“At home with your mom,” Dad answered, pulling me in for a brief hug.
The tiniest fraction of relief washed over me. At least they couldn’t take her away from me. Though I had a feeling they were still going to try.
“Give me the latest?” Dad demanded.
Mark sighed. “I’m going to be frank with you, Tommy. This is just the beginning. As I told Porter, the police have nothing to hold him on, but the investigation will continue over the next few days, if not weeks. He needs to cooperate to the best of his ability.”
Dad gripped the back of his neck. “Jesus Christ. Of course he will.”
I didn’t have much of a choice. Cooperate or lose my son forever.
And, even if I did cooperate, the latter wasn’t off the table. An idea that felt like acid to my soul.