“I was worried,” Ethan agreed. “And I was angry. You inspire both emotions, Merit, and not infrequently.” There was a hint of amusement around his mouth.
“I’m sorry,” I said again. “But I’d do it again.”
He looked down at me, eyes burning bright. “Oh, would you?”
I could feel the fear seeping away, as if his being near—and our being on the same page again—had siphoned it out of me, wicked it away. And as the fear receded, the bravado came back.
God, I loved the bravado.
“I love you, Ethan, and I love this city. And however much I fought it, I love this goddamn House. It’s part of me, and I’m part of it. I’m not going to stand here and watch a man tear down everything that you’ve built. I’m not. And if that means I have to chase another man who threatens this House, or apologize to you more than I like, so be it. I don’t want that, but I can live with it. Because I can’t live without you.”
Silence fell.
“Well,” he said after a full minute had passed, “you’re not leaving me with much room to yell at you.”
“That was part of the plan,” I said with a watery laugh. “Fear is what Reed uses against us. For Celina, fear that she would be average. For you, fear that you would become a monster like Balthasar, that I’d be hurt. And for me, fear that I will be that vulnerable human all over again.”
“It is his gift,” Ethan agreed ruefully. “To find those tender spots and press into them. Fear, my Sentinel, is inevitable. It is one of our more important instincts. It keeps us alive. Fighting through the fear is a choice. That’s the choice you’ve made since that April night one year ago. That’s the choice you’ll continue to make, because that’s what’s inside you. I love you, and I believe in you, more than I have ever believed in anyone. And it is absolutely terrifying.”
I thought that might have been the nicest thing he’d ever said to me. I put my hands on his cheeks, pulled his head down to mine, and kissed him. “I love you, Ethan.”
“I love you, Merit.” He smiled. “And now it feels like the world is righting. Would this be an opportune time for me to point out that, despite your having berated me yesterday, you did exactly what you scolded me for doing?”
He was right, so I let him get away with it. “You mean I let Reed bait me? I ran headlong into danger probably orchestrated by Reed, even if I ruined his plan a little by forcing his asset into play a little earlier than he’d probably intended? Yeah, I know.” And then I played a card of my own. “I guess you could say I pulled a Darth Sullivan.”
He knew about the nickname but clearly didn’t like it, given the curl of his upper lip.
“If it makes you feel better, you can tell me your nickname for me.”
“That would spoil all the fun.” He sighed, put his arms around me again. “We may fight again, Sentinel. We may rail at each other until the sun breaches the sky. But the truth is this. I love you. And I found you once, that April night. I will always look for you, and I will always find you. And as for your monster, we’ll find him together,” Ethan said, pressing a final kiss to my forehead. “We’ll go downstairs, we’ll talk to Luc, and we’ll find him. And one way or the other, we’ll find Reed, too. And then may God have mercy on his soul.”
• • •
I cleaned up and washed tears from my face and blood from my hands, and we walked downstairs to the Ops Room. Luc and Lindsey rose when we darkened the doorway, hurried toward us.
“Is everything all right?” Lindsey asked. “Malik didn’t give us the details, just that you were back and seemed to be in one piece.”
“I believe ‘all right’ is relative,” Ethan said. “Why don’t we sit down and talk about it?”
“My House is your House,” Luc said, and moved back to his seat at the table. “And we’re glad you’re home, Sentinel.”
Right now there was nowhere else I’d rather have been.
When Kelley, Juliet, Lindsey, Luc, and Ethan had gathered at the conference table, I gave them the story of my encounter with the Rogue, such as it was. From contact to chase, to his use of a human as hostage and shield, to the Rogue’s escape into the night.
Luc knew the circumstances of how I’d been attacked, made a vampire, as did other key players in the House—including Malik, since he’d been there. I’d figured word had still spread—vampires liked gossip as much as humans—but from the sympathetic look on Kelley’s face, I guessed I’d been wrong about that.
“As far as I’m aware,” I finished up, “the CPD hasn’t found him.”
“He’d have gone underground,” Kelley said, flicking back a lock of straight, dark hair over her shoulder. “To wherever rats scurry and hide.” She looked at me, and there was strength and solidarity in her gaze.
“Yeah,” I said. “Agreed.”
Luc linked his hands on the table, leaned forward, his gaze solemn. “You think he’ll try again?”
“I know he will. Especially if this is prompted by Reed.”
“Then we’ll find him first,” Kelley said.
“It might be worth talking to Noah again,” Lindsey said. “At least you’ll have a description to give him now.”
“We’ll do you one better,” Luc said. “Keiji,” he called to one of the temps at the bank of computers. “Can you scan the Internet videos of the fight, see if you can get a clear shot of our perp, enhance and distribute the images?”