I watched him raise the tip to his mouth. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped a bit down, never looking away from me. My gaze trailed his throat and down his upper body before looking back up again. He noticed my perusal and his mouth flinched upwards, knowingly. A lone tingle ran down my spine.
Fuck you, tingles.
“Are you going bankrupt?” Marlena then gasped, completely getting the wrong idea.
Rome exhaled. “No, Mom –”
“All that money gone? Harold, say something!”
Harold grunted with indifference. “You live and learn, honey.”
“Wait, you’re going bankrupt?” Alyssa suddenly inserted in shock, looking at Rome like her entire world was falling apart.
“The next album will fix that,” Molly muttered under her breath, still typing away at her phone. Bet you she was on Twitter.
Oh, stereotypical Leah.
“For fuck’s sake!” Rome growled out. “I’m not going bankrupt! I just said I was looking for another house to buy! Does that sound like I’m going bankrupt?”
Alyssa fell back onto the couch in relief. Because that’s not a sign enough the chick was in love with more than just his pretty face. Carter let out a deep chuckle, and I felt it all the way down to my toes. That freaking laugh…
Dear God, I was doomed.
Confidence, confidence.
Marlena gasped again. “Language, Rome!”
Rome glared at me for several moments and I shrugged apologetically. Maybe it was time I just shut up, which was pretty ridiculous since I’d barely said a word.
The conversation steered far away from money now, and into their music. I remained quiet, watching them as the boys ate and the girls pretended to be interested. All the while, I felt the searing burn of his eyes penetrating me slowly.
Six
Leah
Everyone eventually broke off into separate conversations. I wasn’t part of any of them. Neither was Carter. He was still watching me in the most intense way, like he was stripping me bare right there on the spot. He used to look at me like this before, and those times usually resulted with my back on the ground somewhere, and him over top of me. I could see that heated simmer in his eyes. Glancing at him several times, I felt the heat of his gaze all the way down to my toes. It was doing things to me.
Very bad things.
I needed air.
I excused myself, despite nobody batting me an eye besides Carter. I escaped to the balcony in the study room and took in a deep breath. Wrapping my arms around my body, I stared out into the empty streets. None of these people on this block knew a couple rock stars were kicking back in this very house.
Imagine the mayhem if they did.
I gripped the bannister of the balcony and focused on calming myself down. My body was jittery and out of sorts, and my spine tingled as I felt his presence behind me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect this. It was against Melanie’s wishes to be alone with him, but I had to do it. Part of me had hoped he’d seek me out, and I knew it was best to get whatever tension there was between us out of the way in privacy.
“Three years did you well,” he suddenly said, breaking the silence.
My heart skipped a beat at hearing his voice. I turned around slowly and watched Carter step out into the balcony. Standing still, he glanced at me from top to bottom and remarked softly, “You’re fucking beautiful, Leah.”
I didn’t respond. I chewed on the inside of lip instead, wondering where that compliment came from. His eyes glanced down at my mouth, and something stirred there in their depths.
“What’s the matter?” he then asked with a cocky smile. “You look a little speechless. Are you fan-girling over me?”
I frowned, not at all impressed by his humour. “You glared at me in there, barely said a word to me, and now you’re telling me I’m beautiful.”
“I was shocked.”
“Shocked?”
“Yeah, completely shocked.”
“By what?”
“By you. I felt my insides pinching just staring at you for the first time in three miserable years.”
My cheeks reddened, and he knew it too, glimpsing about my face with a ghost of a smile.
“Your insides were pinching?” I sceptically asked, suppressing a smile.
He moved closer to me, and he watched as my eyes widened. I didn’t want him near me, and despite knowing this, he kept moving.
“Yeah,” he acknowledged, softly. “They were pinching.”
“How poetic.”
He smirked. “I’m a singer. Poetry’s in my veins, Angel.”
Angel.
I stiffened, and for a fleeting second, he appeared regretful using that name. It was almost like we’d been thrown back into the past. It was a sad thought. As if realizing he’d overstepped his boundaries, he turned to the balcony and stared out into the night, guzzling down some more of his beer. All the while I watched him, taking in the subtle differences, wondering why it felt like I was staring at him for the first time.
“You never got back to me,” he then remarked absently, keeping his emotions hidden.
I fidgeted. “I know.”
“I think I sent you four letters in one year, and I got nothing every time.”
“I know.” I repeated, nervously.
He shot me a bewildered look. “Why?”
I tilted my head to the side, letting him see the defeat in my eyes as I responded, “You know why.”
I didn’t have it in me to respond to those letters. It wouldn’t be moving on if I kept a line of communication open. There was only so much my bleeding heart could take at the time.
“Did you even read any of them?” he wondered.
It took me a few moments to muster the courage and weakly say, “No.”
He blinked several times at me in surprise, and then he said in a harder tone, “Well, if you haven’t read them by now, then just don’t.”
He looked back out into the night, and I let out a breath I’d been holding. “I wasn’t ignoring you maliciously,” I tried to explain. “I just… I wanted to read them when I was in a better place.”
“And you still haven’t.”
“No.”
“So you’re not in a better place.”
The day I’d be in a better place just kept getting further and further out of reach, it seemed. Pain never faded; you just found ways to distract yourself so you couldn’t feel it as much.