No, no. That wasn’t what I wanted.
“Carter,” I began, “it’s okay –”
“It didn’t take me long to realize how much I’d fucked up,” he went on. “Losing you woke me up, and… I’ve been so fucking lonely, Leah. It’s been a bad kind of lonely. I miss you. I miss us.” With another shuddering breath, he neared me again as he said, “I want more.”
Heart fail.
I wasn’t sure how to emotionally grasp what he was saying. All this time I was getting over him, and all this time he was… what? Realizing that he wanted more when it was already too late? That didn’t make sense to me. In fact, that reminded me of the day he went into my room and told me he wanted to be with me, and look how that turned out.
Taking a step away from him, I said, “I think you’re just excited to see me, not that I blame you.”
His lips didn’t flinch at my cheap humour.
I sighed. “Carter, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I know exactly what I’m saying.”
I shook my head. “You’re deluded.”
Now he was offended. “I’m deluded?”
“Yes!”
“Why?”
“Because you’re telling me you want more!”
“So?”
“So we’ve been talking for, like, ten minutes and you’ve just sprung it on me! It’s out of nowhere.”
“I didn’t mean to spring it on you, but every second after this moment would have been wasted if I kept quiet. I don’t want to let another day go by.”
“You’ve allowed three years of zero communication to go by.”
His nostrils flared as he retorted, “Don’t start with that. I tried to talk to you. You changed your number, you moved out of this house, and you never answered my letters. My schedule was beyond hectic. I couldn’t get away, and when I wanted to, I figured your silence was a way to shut me out.”
“You’re right,” I agreed heartily. “It was to shut you out. I told you I wanted us to see each other again when we’ve moved on –”
“We’re never going to move on!” he cut in, steadfastly. “I know you want me. I can see it now. Nothing’s changed. You’re lying to yourself.”
I’m lying to myself?
Fuck this shit. I wished I could turn these emotions off. I hated that he could see through me better than I could! I balled my hands into fists, digging my nails into the skin as my anger tore through me. I blinked back tears as I told him, “You can’t just come here after three years and offer more, Carter. That’s not how it works. You’re too late.”
“I’m too late,” he repeated back to me, shocked.
“Yes,” I answered firmly. “You’re too late.”
He tensed his jaw and shut his eyes for a long moment. I knew what he was doing. He was retreating. He’d just opened up and I knocked him down straight away. It hurt to do that. I almost wanted to take the words back just to save him from feeling pained, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to fall for him all over again.
I resisted.
He opened his eyes and took in a deep breath. Without batting me another eye, he suddenly looked into the study room, his brows pinching together in anger. I followed his gaze and saw Rome standing there, watching the scene unfold for who knows how long. Why the hell was he eavesdropping? He didn’t look at me once. His eyes pierced through Carter’s head, and he looked pissed.
Some unspoken communication passed between them, and by then I realized I was calling it a night. I slipped into the room, and went to walk past Rome, when he lightly grabbed me by the arm.
“Don’t leave,” he told me quietly. “Stay the night. I promise I’ll keep Carter away from you. I just know how much Marlena misses you, and she’s doing up a big breakfast in the morning –”
“I know already,” I cut in, hardly hearing my own voice. “I’m not leaving.”
“Leah –”
“Just let me go,” I pleaded, fighting back the lump in my throat.
When he let go of me, I left the room. I looked at Carter over my shoulder just as I stepped out. He was gripping the balcony bannister with his hands, his head down, his hair over his forehead.
He looked broken.
Seven
Carter
She was stunning.
Better than I remembered.
I couldn’t even open my mouth to speak for the longest time.
I’d been speechless, watching her sit there the entire time, looking fierce and gentle all at once. That’s what Leah was like. She was a walking contradiction; a hot liquid inside an ice block.
And so unconceivably beautiful.
It took everything in me not to touch her more. I wanted to lick her skin and push her against a wall somewhere. I wanted to feel those soft lips roaming against my own, wanted to suck on her tongue and make her moan.
I’d been dreaming about it.
I had gazed at her face, roaming every inch of her skin, nearly shaking my head at what I’d imagined the other night. It didn’t come close to the real thing. She’d been my muse, the face that burned me, gave me a spark, and drove me to pleasure.
And she just told me I was too late.
Karma.
That bitch has a nasty punch, huh?
“I told you to leave her alone,” Rome growled out from behind me.
“I know,” I muttered in defeat. “I couldn’t help myself.”
He sighed, coming up to stand next to me. He stared at me hard for several moments, no doubt pitying my pathetic state.
“I told you to wait,” he continued on, not giving me one moment of relief. “We agreed.”
“She didn’t even read my letters,” I muttered, more to myself than him.
“That was part of the conditions,” he replied, shrugging. “Leah had to let you go. She loved you too much and you walked all over her.”
I glared at him, but I didn’t bother responding. I might have been a hothead, but I knew not to demean myself by denying the truth when it came to her.
“I just thought…” I shook my head to myself. “I thought… by the way she was looking at me, that I would have a chance, you know? I thought she wanted me.”
“She does want you.”
I scoffed. “You heard what she said. I’m too late. I’d been under the fucking assumption she’d hold on to me after all this time, not move on.”