“Well, thank you for your expert opinion, Melanie, on a matter you know absolutely fuck-all about.”
“I’m just saying, not every celebrity has a security team –”
“Of course not every one of them does, but then how would you even know? The whole point of a security team is to be as inconspicuous as possible. They’re not dressed in rainbow fucking outfits –”
“I know they’re not, asshole! I’m just saying, she might be fine without it.”
“She might not be! Clearly you haven’t noticed, but Carter’s kind of a sex symbol to half the female fucking race at this point.”
“Alright!” I shouted, raising my hand out to them. “Calm your tits, guys! If you want me to have a goddamn bodyguard until this shit dies down, then fine. I’ll do it, okay? I’m not arguing.”
“Thank you,” Rome said, looking a bit smug as he stared at Melanie.
She looked like she wanted to tear his head off. “Well, is it okay if I went anywhere? I have a lunch date and I don’t want to miss out. I’m a third party in this situation, so I shouldn’t be some kind of target, right?”
I nearly rolled my eyes right there and then. The audacity in this girl! She was having lunch with her sister, and judging by the way Rome’s eyes narrowed, he didn’t know that.
“You should be fine,” he said stiffly.
“Great.” She disappeared into her room to get ready. Rome stared in the direction she left, his shoulders tensing as the seconds passed. Typical Melanie, wanting him to chase her.
He didn’t last five seconds.
“Just give me a minute,” he muttered to us, hurrying after her.
Silence swiftly settled in. I watched Carter wearily, waiting for him to break it. He glimpsed at me before moving into the kitchen to rest his elbows on the counter. Exhaling, he ran both hands through his hair. Then he looked up at me; that face turning more solemn as the seconds passed.
“Carter,” I said softly, on a shrug. “I don’t… I don’t want us to hate each other.”
“I don’t hate you,” he then said, quietly.
I didn’t know what to say to fill the space. I couldn’t turn away from his eyes, either. He stared right into me; into the deepest, darkest corners of me.
“So you’re sure, then?” he asked. “I just… I need to know you didn’t say what you did because of the situation.”
“I’m sure,” I answered in a tiny voice.
He let out a deep breath. “You’re sure.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head at the apology. “Don’t be. I’m just… I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong.”
“It’s nothing you did.”
“I know that.” He continued looking at me, the heat in his eyes apparent. “I know that completely. Because I’ve done nothing since the moment I saw you but try and win you back.”
I felt like I’d swallowed golf ball. Shit.
“So, what now then?” he pressed. “You’re going to go back to your life and forget all about the last two days, right? And I’ve been banned. I’m back to being on the outs. Back to being ignored. Did I even exist to you once over the last three years? Was I a fucking thought in your head every once in a while, Leah?”
I frowned. “Of course you were.”
He scoffed. “You know, once upon a time, you depreciated me into your roommate. Now, I’d rather have that status than being an invisible person in your life.”
“You’re not going to be invisible. You’ve never been invisible!” I said, loudly, feeling my frustrations rise. “You don’t know what it’s been like having to see you all over the goddamn television, all over the goddamn internet –”
“I’d rather that than be tossed into a fucking box, ignored for three years, without even the shred of decency to read my fucking letters!” he cut in, louder. “On this end, Leah, nobody gave me one single update about you! Everybody put me on a guilt trip, and I felt like shit for it. I didn’t know what you even looked like before two days ago. I had the Leah from three years ago feasting on my brain, taking over every part of me. But you have it worse, apparently, right? Fuck that. You don’t know worse. You don’t know regret like I do, and I felt it every single day being away from you!”
When I didn’t respond, he moved to me slowly, his face dark as he added, “But not this time, Leah. This time you’re going to be the one feeling it. Every day you’re going to deny what your heart wants, and you’re going to be the one to suffer.”
I turned away from him and stared numbly at a spot on the wall. “You’re going away, and I’m right here,” I whispered to him, although it felt like I was talking to myself. “Everything will be like it was before.”
“No, it fucking won’t. Not for me. Not for you.”
He walked past me, escaping to the balcony. He didn’t return.
When Rome did, I could tell he’d heard our entire conversation.
“You okay?” he said, concernedly.
I didn’t respond.
“I warned him,” he then said, stepping close to me. “I warned him you wouldn’t be ready. He was just scared you’d move on if he didn’t try. I know him now. I know the way his brain works.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I muttered, but it mattered more than anything.
“Leah, he has changed,” he stressed. “He isn’t loose with the women. He’s lonely, and he’s tired, and he pined for you every single day.”
I shrugged, looking down at the floor. I couldn’t handle this.
“Just let me know anything else I have to do,” I told him.
He sighed at my dismissal and moved on. He talked me through what to expect, how difficult my life might be the next few weeks, and all the while he spoke, I stared at Carter’s frame on the balcony.
When the boys eventually left, he didn’t say another word to me. Didn’t even look at me.
I saw him one more time before his plane crash.
Fifteen
Leah
For some time, I had been appointed a bodyguard. His name was Dave.
On the unlikely event I went out, Dave followed me everywhere. It didn’t matter what hour of the day it was, either. He must have lived in his car, or something, which made little sense because he was a huge burly man that dressed impeccably in nice wrinkle-free dress shirts and khakis. I don’t know, maybe he had an ironer in his car because he was there whenever I needed him. While he didn’t physically “guard” me, he did act as my personal maid. He fetched me my groceries, collected my mail, and grabbed me an Iced Cappuccino and a chocolate chip cookie every single morning.