“Not anytime soon.”
She was silent for a moment. Then, “Can I ask you something?”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
“Why didn’t you take Carter back? I mean, if he’s the one telling you for once that he wants more, how can you turn the other cheek?”
I sighed. “Because I’m scared. I don’t want to love and feel pain again.”
She pursed her lips in thought. “But that’s what love is, right? It’s painful and beautiful.”
“Then why aren’t you with Rome? He broke up with his fluff Alicia.”
“Alyssa,” she corrected with a look of disgust.
“Whatever.”
“I’m not with Rome because he’s a materialistic asshole now,” she explained simply.
“Is that right?”
“Yep.”
“Liar.”
She rolled her eyes. “This isn’t about me, anyway. It’s about you shoving your soulmate out of your life after he’s done something you’d been longing for him to do since you were ten years old.”
“He was too late.”
“Yet you slept with him.”
I exhaled. “Yeah, I slept with him.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to feel that connection again.”
“So, then, you led him on.”
My eyes narrowed at her. “I led him on? I definitely didn’t feel like that.”
“This is what he did to you for a long time, right? The whole friends-with-benefits thing. He wanted to have a piece of you, but he was too scared to have all of you. So you’d have this amazing sex where you felt so close to each other, and then, when the world came back on, he didn’t want anything more than friendship.”
“Get to the point.”
With a sad smile, she said, “You’ve turned into him.”
Ouch.
I blinked back my stinging tears again. Stupid fucking soap. With another sniff, I looked away from her, staring mindlessly at a spot on the tile wall.
Had I really turned into him?
When the silence got to be too much, she stood up and left me alone.
*
Did I watch the sex tape?
Of course.
And I was pleasantly surprised by how non-explicit it really was. I mean, sure you could see us through the blinds, but the view was pretty far away, and when the person did try and zoom up, it got blurry. I cringed at myself wearing the trucker hat, riding Carter slowly. Thank God you couldn’t hear words.
My chest tightened when I saw his hands moving up my bare back. It looked so sensual and affectionate. When I had bent down to kiss him, he’d wrapped his arms around me, and it looked almost like we were cuddling for a moment.
Until he started pounding me with his enormous dick.
Sigh.
I watched it only once, grateful they hadn’t at least caught our first session together. There were a lot of nude pictures of Carter, and he’d hidden from the spotlight since it had come out.
Articles of Molly hit the magazine stands too. Melanie came home with the latest one. The cover had a lightning bolt shooting through it and on one side there was distraught looking Carter, and on the other, there was a constipated looking Molly. The caption above read, “Rock Star Heartbreak, the Beat of Love is Over for These Two.”
The beat of love? Vomit. Could you be any cheesier?
And then, lo and behold, there was a school picture of me below. Of course it had to be my worst one. God forbid they pick the more photogenic pictures. No, they had to riddle my articles with crap shots of me.
Rome was correct.
They had leafed through my entire life story, right down to every ugly detail.
I avoided it with a plague, and after a few weeks, it really did die down the way Rome had predicted. Dave was no longer needed, and the money I’d been given to tide me over had run out. I was officially on my own now.
The days passed.
So many days.
Until I could walk around without being recognized, or hounded.
Until I could finally breathe and attempt to put my life together.
I found a job, steered clear of the news, and distracted myself.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel, after all.
Shame the tunnel was lonely.
Sixteen
Leah
Graduation day was pretty standard.
Nothing overly exciting about it. The only thing I was happy about were the photos of me in the graduation gown and the silly cap with the annoying tassels falling over my face every time I looked down.
Once I accepted my degree and got the hell out of there, I tore the gown off and went to an early dinner with Melanie and Rome’s parents. Marlena and Harold were exceptionally good with their poker faces, completely overlooking the events that happened between Carter and me. I knew they were perfectly aware, and I cringed every time I imagined them in the grocery store, passing the magazines with my ass and stars-for-boobs on display.
Thank God those magazines were no longer poisoning the check-out stands.
I had this ridiculously giant burger with guacamole in it, determined to finish every last bit. Graduating wasn’t the only thing I was celebrating. It was the Junior Accountant position I’d just landed from an accounting firm not even a week ago.
Thank God old grumpy accountants didn’t give a fuck about the media and had no idea who I was.
I should have been happier than I was, but my heart was heavy, as my thoughts meandered to Carter. Always him and the last words he’d said to me.
I missed him.
So fucking much.
I finished out dinner, happy on the surface, and then we returned home. The plan was to get changed and head out to a club for a few drinks. What it didn’t involve, however, was the blue card taped to the door.
I ripped it off and tore it open. Removing the card, I opened it and Melanie hovered over my shoulder, reading the lines.
Hey ladies, it’s Rome.
Leah, we wanted to congratulate you on your graduation, and, since we’re in the city at the moment shooting a music video, we thought what better way than to take you to one of the best clubs around. You’re on the VIP list. You don’t have to come, if you don’t want to, but I hope you do.
Below that were the directions to the club.
“Do you want to go?” Melanie asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered, hesitantly. “Carter will be there, right?”
“Do you want me to call Rome and check?”