I froze, and all at once, he began to move away from me. His hand trailed down my arm, leaving behind goose bumps as he backed away.
“Again, congratulations,” he told me.
He turned away and disappeared into the crowd, leaving me shaking and scatterbrained.
That was the last time I saw him before the plane crash.
*
When we got back to the apartment hours later, drunk as shit, I found a small box in front of our door with a card on top. Melanie was too close to puking to stick around to see what it was. She rushed inside the apartment, leaving me alone and dazed in the hallway.
I removed the card and opened it first, my eyes reading through the lines in record speed.
Congratulations on achieving your degree, Angel. You will now be chained to a desk with a calculator in the palm of your hand for a whole eternity. Hopefully, this will make those poor hands look alright.
-Carter
I opened the box and pulled out a bottle of rosy red nail polish. A poor quality one, to boot. In fact, upon closer inspection, I realized it was the same brand of the one from my childhood. The one he replaced for me.
A lump formed in my throat.
I knew what he was trying to tell me.
The past doesn’t have to stay in the past.
But he was wrong.
It did.
Seventeen
Carter
How do you convince someone to take a chance on you?
It was simple.
You couldn’t.
Leah had become what I was. She was too haunted by all the hurt I had inflicted on her, and, as a result, I was living with the consequences.
I didn’t blame her. I didn’t hate her. Quite the fucking contrary, actually. I knew exactly what she was going through. I knew how alone she was feeling, how confused she was, wanting to commit, but pulling away when she started to edge the waters.
She needed time. And time was on my side.
After the club, I stayed away.
The months passed. The spotlight on her had long faded, and she was living her life again. She was content. She was seeing other people. She had found a good job as a junior accountant. She had her hobbies and was living each day to its fullest. The grapevine – once closed to me – had told me that much.
But the loneliness was going to come after her like it did me. I hated that she was seeing other people. It pained me that she was wasting her time, while I held off entirely. But there was nothing I could do.
The distractions weren’t going to be enough for her. Something was going to tip her over the edge and make her realize how fragile life was.
It might take her a month.
I might take her a year.
I just hoped it wouldn’t take her too long.
That she wouldn’t be too late.
*
More cameras. More bullshit.
The paparazzi struck again. They were busying themselves on a story that had zero substance.
I wondered how I held my sanity in for so long. It’d been a seriously long while since I punched someone in the face, and my hand had only just stopped twitching with the urge.
“Apparently she threw an engagement ring at you, man,” Rome chuckled on the other end of the phone as I shuffled down the aisle of first class.
“Oh, so now it’s an engagement ring,” I muttered on a scoff. “The last I heard it was a promise ring.”
“Nope, they’re saying it was a massive diamond ring.”
I found my seat and collapsed into it. “First of all, I’ve known the girl how long? A few weeks?”
“I know, I know,” he carried on. “But she’s a supermodel, man. Of course they’re going to be saying things.”
“Second of all, there was no argument. We’re not even seeing each other.”
“They’ve got videos of you holding her hand.”
“Because we had dinner and stepped out into a sea of those bastards. I couldn’t let her fend for herself. After I dropped her off, they followed me straight to the airport, the fuckers.”
“You should have taken the private jet with us yesterday, to get away from that shit.”
“Couldn’t. I had papers to sign.” I’d finalized selling my LA home. I’d had enough of the lifestyle, and was going straight to my roots. Have a house on a bit of land, maybe build it from scratch. I hadn’t decided yet. The best part was I had all the time to sort through the details. The band had one more music video to shoot before we cooled off for a while. I was desperate to go back home, somehow find a way to bump into Leah. All that was wishful thinking though. She might still not want me.
“Anyway, Rome, the plane’s going to take off in a bit.”
“Right.”
“I’ll see you in New York.”
“See you, bro.”
I hung up and stuffed the phone into my pocket.
“Hello, I’m Julie,” said a flight attendant behind me. “If there’s anything you need, just let me know and I’ll assist you.”
As she passed, I looked up from my notebook and watched her repeat this line to everyone. She was young, pretty, dark hair pulled up into a bun. I stifled a smile as I realized she must have been really new. You don’t get this excited for work often. Maybe in the beginning, but hardly later on.
Minutes later, the plane started its procedure for take-off.
Then, she offered me peanuts.
*
I had fallen asleep when it happened.
The first thing I heard were screams.
The first thing I felt was speed.
Speed unlike anything I’d ever felt before.
My eyes flashed open.
“We’re going down!” someone screamed.
My heart lurched.
The seat shuddered.
I glanced out the window and saw the water.
Leah’s face flashed through my mind, and everything went black the second we hit it.
10 years old
The key burned a hole in my pocket.
I ate my sandwich, strumming Dad’s guitar thoughtfully. An idea was forming. I could almost taste it.
The key burned a hole in my pocket.
A light bulb went on, and words began to fall from my lips. I tried them out, singing them softly.
“I’m calling for an angel to come save her.
She’s all I got, and I can’t mend her.”
No, that didn’t go together.
“Stupid. So stupid.”
I frowned, strumming the cords again, as the key burned a hole in my pocket.
Just as soon as the idea came, it ran away from me again. Just out of grasp, the inspiration fled, and I was lost once again.