Innocent. I wanted to scoff.
“I was never innocent, even before,” I muttered.
“But you were never evil either. You never asked for any of this. You didn’t deserve any of it either. So thank you, Ryker, being sharing this with me. I understand.”
I dropped my arms and couldn’t bring myself to watch her leave. She hesitated for a little bit, but then she resolved to go and there was no stopping her. Allie had let me go, and I’d spent three years convincing myself I was over her… only to realize that wasn’t entirely true.
Love was like a fucking sickness. It came and went, and when it did come, it dropped you on your ass and left you waiting for signs of improvement. And when you got better, you knew that fucker was still lingering behind some corner somewhere along the way, waiting to strike again.
It struck me when she walked out.
Fourteen
Allie
I knew where Ryker had stayed for a week now, and I’d stopped the car in front of the motel every day I returned from school. I don’t know what prompted me to get out and go to that motel room door and knock. I was pretty sure my body had had enough of this shit and wanted to get it done before my brain caught up to what it was doing.
Ryker was… different. Not just his appearance, but his nature. He spoke to me calmly. He was rational. I sort of expected him to scream at me, but he acted like an adult even when the conversation got hard. It got hard on both of us. I wasn’t prepared for what he had to say. I’d voiced what I thought were the easy topics, purposely omitting Kayden so he didn’t fly off the handle. In hindsight, I wondered, if I’d brought Kayden up, would he have remained calm?
Now I was sitting in the car in front of my house and trying to stop myself from crying. My father… All these years believing in a lie. It felt like my whole world had been shaken up. My father! My poor father who had done what he could to support us, even if it meant turning to a psychopath for help. It devastated me. It felt like someone had shot a hole through my heart.
I’d mourned for him, but it was mourning under the impression he’d taken his life away. I’d been angry that he had abandoned us to fend for ourselves. I held so much resentment that he didn’t care about who he was leaving behind and hurting.
It was a lie!
And the emotional floodgates opened back up. I was mourning all over again, but over the right reasons this time. I wanted to turn the car around and go to Mom. I wanted to tell her everything I learned, but I was still trying to process it myself. I was shaking everywhere!
Eventually, I realized the time and knew I couldn’t waste another minute on this right now. I’d most likely missed Kayden’s bed time by sitting here and crying.
I got out of my sedan and walked to the front door. It was six at night, but the lights in the front room were off. The house was eerily still. I unlocked the door and opened it, stepping in and quickly wiping whatever tears were left behind on my face.
The clock on the wall was the only noise I heard for the short moments I stood and listened. Figuring they were in the bedroom, I dropped my bag and purse on the table beside the front door and took a step forward.
“You went to see him, didn’t you?”
I froze. It wasn’t often he spoke these days, so hearing that deep voice made every hair stand on its end. I turned around slowly and faced the living room. I saw his silhouette on the armchair beside the fire place. I was sure he’d been waiting for me to come through the door.
“Did you get the answers you needed?”
I couldn’t tell what he was feeling – not that he felt much these days – and so I didn’t respond. He knew I’d gone to see Ryker. He’d been staring at me strangely these last few days, like he was waiting for me to do it.
When the news spread that he had gotten out early, there wasn’t a soul that didn’t want to tell us. It was uncomfortable being in the same room when Matt had come through the door and glanced awkwardly between us, announcing, “Your brother’s out. He’s staying at the Porter motel. Good behaviour meant his sentence got cut. He’s still on parole, but…”
Heath hadn’t said a word but his eyes were right on me, carefully assessing my reaction. Admittedly, I must have looked shocked because it was the last thing I expected to hear. Then the awkwardness went onto a whole new level when Heath completely withdrew from me and watched me.
Just watched me.
Waited and watched, like he knew already that I was thinking of seeing him.
And I was. I was thinking of seeing Ryker that very minute. Not because I cared for him in a romantic way – my feelings were well and truly over – but because I couldn’t move on with my life without apologizing to him and wanting answers. The chapter in my life with Ryker was a part of me. He helped shape me. He gave me wonderful times, and I wasn’t going to tear him down. I was long over my anger, but I needed peace now.
I wanted to provide forgiveness, and I wanted it back too if he was willing to extend it to me. So this afternoon had been a success in that part. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And while I was doing all that, Heath had been sitting right here, waiting for me to come through the door so he could interrogate me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “You look terrified I know all this.”
“Just annoyed you had me followed again,” I replied with irritation. “I can’t have my own privacy these days, huh? You have to have one of your guys tailing me.”
“I sort of have my own reasons, don’t I?”
My eyes travelled to his throat. I couldn’t see the gruesome looking scar – thick and deep – that went from ear to ear. I pursed my lips and avoided answering him. I understood his reasons. He wanted me to make sure I was safe because he still hadn’t found who was responsible for ordering his hit.
Heath and Marko hunted the two guys down several months after he’d been attacked. It wasn’t hard, he’d said. He just waved a bunch of cash in people’s faces and told them to keep an ear out, and that any solid information would mean being adequately compensated. It didn’t take long before word spread of two men that had bragged about taking care of the strongest bareknuckle fighter in Hedley literally the day after it’d happened. Of course they omitted the part where they brutally attacked Tru for her key as she lay nearly passed out at the doors of the building. That poor girl was so traumatised, she packed her shit and left town days later.