He chuckled lightly, like he knew exactly why I was bumbling like an idiot. It took me a moment to regain some equilibrium, and when I was me again – albeit still with that lustful fire brimming at the pit of me – I haughtily asked, “Why did you do that just now?”
Heath was amused. Of course he was. He didn’t skip a beat when he motioned his head to the girls and said, “A little touchy-feely with you might steer them clear.”
I glanced at the girls. They were watching, their interest in us growing, proving that his theory had actually the opposite effect. “A little heads up wouldn’t have killed.”
“But then you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did.”
“What way?”
He tilted his head to the side and wiggled those brows. “You know, all breathless and… swept away.”
I glared at him. “Is that what you think you did to me?”
He grinned widely – I was sure I heard those girls sigh dreamily – and leaned further into me, until his face was inches away from mine. “Al, I’m a hundred percent sure that’s what I did to you. In fact, tell me your heart isn’t racing right this second.”
“It isn’t.” It was.
He knew I was lying.
“No butterflies in the pit of your stomach?” he asked softly.
“No.” Yes.
“Are you really that immune to me?”
“Yes.” No.
He studied me long and hard, at some points moving in the slightest bit closer to me, observing the way I reacted while I fought not to react at all. He did it until I could feel his breaths against my face. And like a deer in the headlights, I’d stilled completely and just watched him. My body was responding to his closeness; my fingers ached to bring him closer, my mouth begged to lean in just a little bit to brush my lips against his, my heart beat faster and my mind buzzed with images of his muscular torso wrapped around me.
I was alive everywhere.
I didn’t think. Didn’t even remember my name. I was absorbed by him. Stuck to the spot like I was a part of the earth. And I spent an awful amount of time wondering how it would feel to be kissed by him. Were his lips as soft as they looked? Would I come undone?
Would I kiss him back?
He may have been cocky a second ago, but now he was just as trapped by our gaze as me. For a brief moment, I could see he wanted the same thing. Passion and lust pooled in those beautiful eyes, his lips parted, his breathing lightened and –
“Hey, Lawson, just fucking kiss her already!” shouted a guy.
Immediately I looked away and breathed in what felt like the first gulp of oxygen in a century. Laughter erupted from the court as the guys watched, no longer playing basketball. I heard Heath exhale loudly and from my peripheral he moved away, but I couldn’t dare look at him. Not for a few more moments. The awkwardness was stifling.
“Oh, come on! No action?” shouted the guy again, bouncing the basketball with a lack of enthusiasm.
“Yeah, very funny,” Heath replied, and he didn’t sound one bit amused. They cackled again and he grunted in annoyance before saying to me, “Let’s get out of here.”
I stood up and walked by his side. It took only minutes – minutes that felt like hours – before he cleared away the strange moment by returning to what he was good at: making me laugh. And while he dissipated the awkward moment like a pro, he couldn’t shake what I felt for him out of me. It seeded itself in all of me and grew, and grew…
…and grew.
Lines were blurring, and I couldn’t tell where along the way I stopped caring.
Ten
Heath
Thank fuck I didn’t have to see her walking around in Ryker’s clothes anymore. It made my blood boil and my heart quicken with anger. It was irrational as hell, but I felt like she wasn’t properly looked after sitting around in another man’s clothes, even if it was someone she loved.
And just thinking about her loving Ryker pissed me off. Fuck, I was insane. Maybe I was spending too much time with one girl and that was why I’d developed this kind of possessiveness over her. Maybe I needed to branch out, try and fuck someone soon and banish her from my thoughts. Because it was wrong. It was wrong as hell looking at Allison and feeling this weird as fuck ache deepen from within. I knew what was happening to me, yet I was subjecting myself to this torture with a goddamn smile on my face.
Racing home from a shit day’s work knowing she’d be there.
Talking about our days.
Watching shit television until the early hours of the morning – which included some trash reality show about a girl with a gigantic ass that made me homicidal.
Pretending to give a fuck about her subjects at school when she talked about them, when all I really liked hearing was the delicate sound of her voice.
This was getting out of control, and while I was feeling total carnage from within, she knew nothing. I kept myself wound tight, not allowing her to see the affect she was having on me. But the more days that passed, the more that feeling grew, and my anger had escalated to a point of no return.
I was only thankful I had a big fight.
I was in the bathroom getting ready, taping my hands up as a means to pass the time. I didn’t want to be around Allie. She dizzied me with thoughts I ended up berating myself for having. I was feeling a little unbalanced. Sleeping hadn’t come easy lately, not when I was spending most of the night on a couch with a girl that I couldn’t touch. I hadn’t had a fucking release in ages – not since Tru – and it was really starting to mess with my head.
Sex was a big thing for me; a quick, effective way to set me right again. While Tru had been a good fix, I hadn’t thought about her once since she smashed the muffin tray on the kitchen floor and took off. Not cool. But on that note, I hadn’t thought about touching anybody else at all… save for the one I couldn’t. Was I just torturing myself and enjoying the misery derived from it?
“Another fight?”
Her voice made me tense for a second. I looked up from my hands and at her standing in the doorway, wearing her little fucking shorts and pink top. An acute like pain in my groin erupted, and I thought, yeah, I must be torturing myself. For almost sixteen weeks along, her pregnant belly still wasn’t obvious, though I noticed its rounded shape every time she stretched and her shirt rode up. Most would think she was just bloated.