Why?
Because he’s dangerous to me.
Because even though this is supposed to be fun, temporary, and lighthearted, I can feel myself getting pulled in. I feel myself getting attached and I can’t do that. That wasn’t supposed to be part of this.
I don’t remember offering to be with you. That’s what he said. He doesn’t want me like that, not for something real. He runs cold and hot and he’s always, always detached. If I make the mistake of wanting something real from him, then I’m going to be crushed, just like always, because I’m making yet another bad decision.
My heart twinges as I remind myself of that. But it’s the truth. I don’t shirk from the truth.
I do hide from it sometimes, though. Like when Dominic turns to me in the parking lot after work and says, “Hey, I have to go to California on Friday night so I can shoot this weekend. Would you like to come?”
One word instantly comes from my mouth before I can even think about it, before I can remind myself yet again that I’m not going to get sucked in.
“Yes.”
Dominic
I slide my hands up Jacey’s dress, pulling her to me, her hips grinding into mine.
“Fuck me,” she whispers into my ear, her fingernails cutting a trail down my back. The pain of it turns me on, but her scent turns me on even more. I lift her up and bite her lip, thrusting my tongue into her mouth before I unbuckle my belt and pull off my pants.
I hover over her for just a minute before I plunge deep inside of her. She moans and writhes beneath me, her fingers twisting into the sheets.
“Dominic,” she whispers. “Get up.”
I pause and look at her in confusion, because I’m rock hard right now. “I am up, babe,” I answer. “And it’s for you.” I thrust into her again and she smiles.
“Get up,” she answers again, chuckling. But her voice is deeper now, manly. Not her normal sexy voice.
I’m confused for just a minute more until I realize that I’m dreaming. But now I’m awake and I’m not with Jacey at all. In fact, Sin is standing next to my bed, cackling like a rooster.
“What the fuck, Dom?” he laughs. “What the hell are you dreaming about? Or I guess I should say, who. You were moaning like a son of a bitch.”
I grab a pillow and thrust it onto my face, breathing in the goose-down smell, trying like hell to get rid of my boner. Margaret Thatcher. Naked. On a cold day.
“Get out,” I growl at him. “What the hell, Sin?”
He cackles some more before he thrusts my phone into my hand. “You left this in the kitchen, and Tally has called four times already. You might want to call him back.”
“What time is it?” I ask groggily, but it’s too late. I can hear the door closing as Sin leaves. I lie still for a few minutes longer and then I throw the pillow against the wall.
What the hell? I’m pissed at myself for a bunch of things, but most importantly, for dreaming about fucking Jacey. What. The. Fuck? I’ve turned myself into a fucking celibate monk (or my version of one) for good reasons. And there’s no good reason that I should be dreaming of fucking anyone, Jacey included.
I glance at the clock. Nine fucking thirty. I guess it’s a good thing Sin woke me up, or I’d have been late for the gym… and I believe what Joe says. If I’m late one more time, I shouldn’t bother coming back. Jesus.
I pull some clothes on, spray on cologne, and head out the door, calling Tally from the car.
“What?” I ask when he answers. “What was so important you needed to call four times?”
Tally sighs into the phone. “I just want to make sure you’re going to be on the plane tonight. I’ve got it arranged… And I told Amy Ashby that she could share the flight. She’s in Chicago visiting her boyfriend. She’ll ride back with you.”
“I’m going to have someone with me,” I tell him as I turn out into traffic. “I need you to add her to the passenger list. Jacey Vincent.”
Tally sighs again. “Oh, that’s gonna make Amy happy.”
“I don’t fucking care,” I tell him honestly. “It’s my plane. She’s coming back from visiting her boyfriend, anyway. She shouldn’t care, either.”
But he and I both know that she will. Because Amy Ashby is bitchy like that. She thinks that everything and everyone is hers. Jacey is feisty, though, and I know she can handle it. A quick memory of her roundhouse kick to Jake’s chest flits through my head and I smile. Yeah, she can handle herself in any situation, whether it is with a Hollywood mean girl or a juvenile delinquent.
“Since when are you hauling around a woman?” Tally demands after he has me spell her name for the flight manifest. I roll my eyes.
Since a woman has wormed her way into my head and I started having erotic dreams of fucking her. But of course I don’t say that. I growl and hang up instead.
I spend the rest of the drive to the gym in silence, staring at the road. I stare at my hands, at the sky, at the traffic. But it doesn’t distract me from what Tally said. When did I start hauling a woman around?
It’s a good fucking question.
And the only answer I can come up with is: since I became fascinated with one. It’s the first time in a long, long time, and even though it’s not smart, I’m not ready to pull the plug on it yet. I don’t know why.
That’s puzzling to me, as well. I’m just as curious about my own feelings regarding her as I am about Jacey herself. I do not like getting close to people. I do not like giving them the opportunity to hurt me, use me, or exploit me.