“That’s it,” he said, turning her so her back was to him. “I like touching you, Mia. I like putting my hands on you. Even when it isn’t sexual between us, there’s something about the softness of your skin that just gets to me. You feel like melted butter against my fingers.”
She sighed at his words, got lost in the deep, husky sound of his voice. She leaned back against him and he brought his arms around to pull her closer. She felt his erection and it made her damp with desire. This was what she needed, what she wanted, but she couldn’t turn off that warning bell that told her if she took this step with him, it would irrevocably change their friendship forever.
She pivoted to face him. “I can’t do this.”
He took a step back immediately. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. If you’re not into this I totally get it.”
“Oh, my God, Nathan. It’s not that. I’m into it. Like, way into it. I want you. I just . . . We’re friends. And that means more to me than anything. More than sex.”
He nodded. “I get it. I really do.”
“Do you? I don’t want to hurt you.”
He cracked a smile, that easy smile of his that always made her feel good. “You couldn’t hurt me if you tried, Mia.”
“So we’re good?”
“We’re good. Though I think I need a cold shower.”
She looked down at his jeans, at his, oh, God, mouthwatering erection that she so wanted to get her hands and her mouth on. But she knew she couldn’t do it. “I’m so sorry.”
He laughed. “Don’t be sorry. I’ll take care of it when I get home.”
“Oh, no, don’t give me mental visuals of you whacking off. That is not making me feel better.”
He slung his arm around her shoulder. “Really? Aww, too bad.”
“Jerk.”
They went downstairs and Nathan stopped at the door. “I’m heading out.”
“Are you sure we’re okay?”
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you worry too much. We’re fine. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“All right.”
He leaned over and brushed his lips against her cheek. She couldn’t resist shuddering at the contact. When he pulled back, she saw nothing on his face other than his signature friendly smile. No disappointment, no anger, just . . . Nathan. Her friend, Nathan.
“Night, Mia.”
“Night, Nathan.”
He walked out and she closed the door, feeling a mixture of relief and utter disappointment. She locked the door and went into the kitchen, contemplating pouring herself another glass of wine. Second-guessing that idea, she made herself a cup of tea instead and grabbed a book to read.
After an hour of reading, she realized she had no idea what the book was about.
She knew what she needed. She grabbed her phone and texted Monique.
U available?
Monique texted her right away.
Yeah. What’s up?
She paused, almost pulling back from telling Monique what happened. But she trusted her as much as she trusted Nathan. And she had to talk to someone about this.
I almost had sex with Nathan tonight.
Just as she suspected, her phone rang right away. She pushed the answer button.
“What do you mean, you almost had sex with Nathan?”
“We went out to dinner. We talked. A lot. About tension and sex. He offered up his services.”
“You mean as sex stud?”
“Something like that. More like a friends with bennies arrangement.”
“And you turned him down?”
“Not at first.”
“Okay. Hang on, I need to refill my wineglass for this.”
She waited for Monique, trying to get tonight’s events straight in her own head. She knew she’d made the right decision, but it didn’t hurt to get her best friend’s agreement on it.
“Okay I’m back. Now tell me everything.”
She took a deep breath. “We had dinner. It was fun. Then we walked back to my place for some drinks. Nathan knows me so well and he picked up on my tension, so he gave me a shoulder rub. We talked and he suggested I needed sex.”
“Which you do.”
“Yes, I do. Then he came up with this wild idea that we should go down the friends with benefits rabbit hole.”
“And you said no.”
“Not at first. Well, actually, we discussed it at length.”
“Of course you did.”
She could picture Monique rolling her eyes. “You’re rolling your eyes at me, aren’t you?”
“You know it. Why not just get him naked, hop on his amazing magic penis and get yourself off, then throw him out the door?”
Theoretically, that sounded like exactly what she needed. It was exactly what Nathan had suggested. But this was the reality of her friendship with Nathan, and that made it a lot less than simply sex.
“That was the plan, but then I got scared.”
“Scared of Nathan? Why? What did he do?”
“Not scared of Nathan. I was afraid of screwing up our friendship.”
“Oh, honey. I totally understand. That was your freak-out in college after that night you two had together. But you’re not the same people you were back then. You’re adults now.”
“I know, Monique. But we’re even closer now than we were all those years ago. I don’t want to do anything to mess that up. Is no-strings sex really worth it?”
“I can’t answer that. Only you can.”
“I don’t know, Monique. I keep coming back to friendship being more important than sex.”
“That’s true. It is. But don’t discount the fact you still need to get laid. And if Nathan is offering that to you, do you really want to turn him down?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. I’m conflicted.”
“I can tell. You’re also under a huge amount of pressure with the business. A little release wouldn’t be a bad thing.”
“Says the woman who can get it anytime she wants.”
Monique laughed. “I can and I do. Not that I’m not picky with the men I choose, because I am. That’s why I’m giving you advice. You don’t want to date right now, you don’t want a relationship of any kind, so you might want to give some serious consideration to the benefits of having a good friend who’s offering you exactly what you need. Sex with someone you know and trust. Without all those dating distractions and the emotional nonsense.”
Monique had a point. She knew Nathan better than any guy. She trusted him. “I have some thinking to do. Thanks for letting me vent, and as always for your invaluable advice.”
“That’s what I’m here for, honey.”
“Oh, how did it go with elevator guy?”
“All looks, no substance. Sadly, there won’t be a second date.”
Mia wrinkled her nose. “That’s disappointing.”
“Tell me about it. I had high hopes for that stud. I thought about having steamy sex with him anyway, but since he works in the building I tossed that idea since I’d have to see his face in the elevator every day.”
“Good call. Okay, thanks for the talk.”
“Anytime, honey.”
“Good night, Monique.”
“Night, Mia.”
She clicked off and tossed her phone on the table next to the sofa. She thought about doing some work, then decided maybe some relaxing yoga would be more beneficial to a good night’s sleep. She went upstairs, changed out of her clothes and pulled up one of her favorite calming yoga workouts on her netbook. The thirty minutes of breathing and stretching put her in a relaxed state, and when she was finished she felt immensely more at ease.
It might not be as good as a couple of screaming orgasms, but after she washed her face and brushed her teeth, she climbed into bed and turned off the light, keeping her breathing as normal as possible.
She stared out the window, trying to clear her head of the day’s events. But Nathan kept popping in there and she couldn’t shake loose of the feel of his hands on her body.