He moved, his eye wide. The pain I saw reflected there was more than I could handle. He knew it too. He knew what this meant. Fuck! No! I had to fix it. I had to save myself. If I lost her . . .
My legs gave out as the door behind me closed. I wrapped my arms around myself and held on. Everything was there in my hands. My world. My heart. My soul. Blythe held it all. She was all I wanted.
And I would lose her.
A sob tore from my chest, and I threw my head back and cried for the first time since I was nine years old and my mother had told me I was her biggest mistake.
Chapter Twenty
BLYTHE
The familiar white bag entered the room before Linc did. He stuck his head around the corner and held it up higher. “So, this is my peace offering for running off the other day.”
Laughing, I put the phone down. I had been going to call the florist and do the orders that Pastor Keenan had laid on my desk for a funeral. “Accepted only if there’s cream in that doughnut and sprinkles on top,” I said.
He stepped inside and put his hand on his chest and let out a dramatic sigh. “I got one of every kind so I’m good.” He set the bag in front of me and sat down on the edge of my desk like he always did. “I might have had a small attack of jealousy. I had no reason to, and I realize that. It’s a guy thing, and I’m working through my male traits. Hoping I can get them under control.”
He was joking. The twinkle in his eyes was enough to make this easy. “Glad you’re working on those problems. Dealing with male issues can be tough. Good luck.”
Linc laughed and opened the bag and pulled out a jelly doughnut. “I was a jerk. But I missed you, so here I am.”
I took the doughnut, but I knew I had to be honest with him. He was funny and I liked him as a friend only. If that was what this was, then great. But I was in love with Krit. Friendship was all Linc and I would ever have. Some small talk and laughs over doughnuts on my snack break.
“You and the rocker still going strong?” he asked, trying to sound casual. The tightness when he said rocker gave him away.
Sighing, I set the doughnut down. “Yeah. It’s an exclusive thing now.”
Linc nodded. “Smart guy. Can’t blame him.” Then he glanced down at the doughnut. “Eat the doughnut, Blythe.”
Picking it back up, I took a bite. He had brought it to me, and I needed to at least eat his gift. Even if I wasn’t sure if Krit would be okay with Linc being here. Which was something I should probably talk to him about.
“He gonna be good with us being friends still?” Linc asked, keeping that easy smile that didn’t really meet his eyes.
I wanted to say sure. But that would be a lie. I had no idea how he would feel. Krit was possessive. Seriously possessive. He’d shoved a guy last night when he had walked me back to Trisha’s table and the guy had gotten too close to me. The guy hadn’t even been looking at me. I loved feeling protected and wanted that much. I loved being special and belonging to someone. Belonging to Krit. But Linc was nice to me. He didn’t deserve for me just to stop speaking to him. I wasn’t sure Krit would agree, though.
“I am taking your silence as a no,” Linc said.
I glanced up at him and shrugged. “I’m not sure,” I replied honestly.
Linc frowned. “Is he worth that? Being controlled?”
He didn’t get it. “He doesn’t control me. You don’t get it. But yes, he is worth that.”
Linc sighed and stood up. “You’re naive, Blythe. A guy like Krit isn’t your prince charming. He’s exciting, and I’m sure he knows all the right things to say. But he’s gonna hurt you. Don’t let yourself get too attached.”
I was beyond attached, but that didn’t matter. Linc didn’t understand what I had with Krit. He hadn’t seen the way Krit held me, like I was precious and breakable and all his.
After Linc left, I managed to eat two more doughnuts and finish all the typing I had been given. Tonight there was another Live Bay show, and Krit wanted me there. I was anxious to get home.
* * *
When I parked outside the apartment, I had wanted to run up the stairs. He would be there, waiting on me. And we would do things.
Opening my door, I scanned the room and locked my gaze on Krit as he stood by the window, looking out. He didn’t turn around to see me, but I knew he had heard me. This wasn’t the welcome I had been expecting. Not after last night. Not after this morning when he had kissed me at the car like he never wanted to let me go.
“Krit?” I asked, feeling fear slowly creep in. Had he decided today that he was already bored with me?
He turned slowly, and his eyes looked hollow. The light in them that I loved was gone. Something was horribly wrong. I dropped my purse to the floor and hurried over to him. “What’s wrong?” I asked grabbing his arm. My heart pounded in my chest. He was in pain. The flash in his eyes told me this wasn’t about being ready to move on. “Please, you’re scaring me. What happened?”
His gaze fell to my hand grabbing onto him, and he moved his hand to cover mine. The warmth helped ease my fear some, but my chest hurt because he was hurting. “Please, what can I do?” I asked, hating seeing him like this.
“Don’t leave me,” he said finally. His voice was hoarse.
I shook my head, confused. “I’m not planning on it. Is that what this is about?” Surely he wasn’t upset over something that hadn’t happened.
“If you leave me, I can’t . . . Just please tell me you won’t leave me,” he pleaded. This time his eyes showed some life in them.
“I’m not. Stop this. Please, I was just at work. I’m not even late. I don’t understand,” I said, reaching up to cup his handsome face. It was covered in stubble today. He hadn’t shaved. He rarely went without shaving. I liked the rough feel under my hands.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as I touched him. There was something more. This wasn’t normal.
“I messed up,” he choked out.
A sick knot settled in my stomach. Oh god. Had he been with someone else today? Was this what I was up against with him? Did he still crave other women? My hands fell away, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t breathe just yet though.
“Before you. She . . . Britt . . . I slept with her on and off. Just when she showed up and I was in the mood. We never dated. I don’t date. But Britt was comfortable.”
I stepped back. He had slept with her. Oh God, I was going to be sick. “You slept with her? Today? After—”
He moved fast, cutting off my words, and grabbed me. “No! God No! Blythe, No! Never. I would never touch anyone else now. I don’t want to touch anyone but you. Just you, love. Just you,” he said as his body trembled.
That hadn’t been what he was going to say. The nausea faded, and I nodded. I had jumped to conclusions. Linc’s words had gotten to me, and I hadn’t realized it until just now. “Then what did you mess up?” I asked.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Or at least tried to. It was shaky, and he seemed completely terrified. My instinct to protect him was back, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Tell me,” I said.
“Britt is pregnant. She says it’s mine,” His jaw tensed, and his tortured gaze locked with mine.
She was pregnant. He had gotten a girl pregnant. He was going to be a father. How did I handle this? Why was he asking me not to leave him? Did he not believe her? “Are you sure it’s yours?” I asked, unable to look at him.
“The condom broke about two months ago. I didn’t even think about her getting pregnant. I thought she was on the f**king pill. I got myself checked to make sure I didn’t get anything from her, but that was it.”
I didn’t have any words. I needed to think. I had to process this.
“Blythe, please, don’t pull away from me. Please, don’t. I can’t lose you. I can’t.” He was begging, and I hated hearing the pain in his voice. But this time I couldn’t be there to defend him and protect him. I was going to have to protect me.
“I just need some time to think,” I managed to say. I was numb. I was alone again. This time it would be worse. I knew what it felt like to belong to someone. Before, I had been blissfully ignorant.
“No. No, you’re closing me out. God, baby, don’t do this. Don’t close me out. Stay with me. Listen to me. I love you. I love you so much.”
I jerked as if I had been slapped. The pain his words caused was as sharp as a knife going through my chest. Not now. I couldn’t hear those words now. My entire life I had wanted nothing more than to hear someone tell me they loved me. I had been afraid to hope for it, and now, in the darkest moment of my life, those words were finally spoken. Shaking my head, I backed away from him.
“I can’t. Not now. Just please leave me alone. I need time to think,” I backed up until my legs hit the couch behind me.
“Blythe, you will destroy me. I love you so much. You own my soul. You are everything to me. Don’t do this. Let me hold you,” he was moving toward me, but I shook my head. Letting him hold me now would taint it. I felt safe in his arms. I wanted to remember that feeling. If he held me now, it would ruin that memory.
“Just leave. I need you to leave. I’m sorry, Krit. I hate that you’re hurting and scared. I hate that I can’t fix that for you. I want to, but if I don’t have a chance to hold myself together and deal . . .” I stopped. I wouldn’t tell him how close I was to shattering.
“I need to hold you,” he said. The thickness in his voice was getting to me.
“I need to hold myself this time,” I told him, and finally lifted my gaze up to meet his. The unshed tears in his beautiful blue depths almost sent me to my knees. God, how could I do this to him? He was pleading with me. But if I caved in, I would be facing so much future pain. How much of that pain could I handle? Was I ready for that? “This is a lot for me to take in. My past . . .” I swallowed. “I’ve never told you about my life. Not really. It made me expect certain things. You taught me not to expect those things. You made me believe I could be wanted. You wanted me when no one else ever has. I will never ever forget that. But right now I need to be alone. I owe you the world, but I don’t think I am going to fit into yours any longer. Your life is about to change, and I don’t see my place in it. Just give me some time.”
Krit’s shoulders sagged, and he reminded me of a lost defeated little boy. Nothing in the world would have kept me from going to him and taking away his pain . . . except this. “You don’t just fit into my world, Blythe. You are my world,” he said in a haunted voice, then he walked away.
The door closed behind him, and when I was sure he was really gone, I curled up on the floor and sobbed for all I had been given and all that had been taken away.
KRIT
I sat in a chair facing the window. My eyes focused on Blythe’s car. She needed to be alone and think. As long as I knew she was safely underneath me in her apartment, I could deal with it. But if she tried to leave me, I was going after her.
The more I thought about losing her, the more I realized it was impossible. I wouldn’t let it happen. I wasn’t going to let her leave me. Green hadn’t even bitched about me not going to Live Bay tonight. Until Blythe was back in my arms, I wasn’t moving from this window. If she stayed in that apartment too much longer, I was going after her though. She might think she needed to be alone, but she needed me as much as I needed her.
My phone lit up with another call from Britt. Until I knew Blythe wasn’t lost to me, I couldn’t deal with Britt. I wasn’t going to abandon my kid. If it was mine. I knew the condom broke, but I wasn’t an idiot. Girls like Britt lied. I wanted doctor’s proof she was pregnant, then I wanted a paternity test the moment the kid was born. Only then would I accept that it was mine.
Blythe was my number-one concern. The devastated look on her face that had turned to acceptance had killed me. She had hinted at the past I had always wondered about. I knew someone had hurt her, but she’d said she had never felt wanted until me. Did that mean no one had wanted her? What about when she was a kid? The pastor’s family that had raised her—surely they’d wanted her.
I was going to protect her. She would never feel like this again. I would make damn sure of it. If it took the rest of my life to make this up to her, I would do it. Dropping my head into my hands, I let the regret and self-loathing eat away at me. If I’d only known she would come, I would have never touched anyone else. If I had only known that Blythe would walk into my life and make everything right, I would have been ready for her. To give her the life she deserved. I wouldn’t be a f**king singer in a band who had slept with more women than he could count.
The preacher’s son was probably so f**king pure, it was ridiculous. He probably had a job where girls didn’t throw their panties at him, and a college degree. Lifting my head, headlights pulled into the parking lot. It was almost midnight. Green would be coming in soon. He wouldn’t bring the party with him. I didn’t worry about that.
The car pulled up to the front of the building, but it didn’t park. Then I saw her dark hair as she ran toward it. Standing up, I watched as Blythe opened the passenger door and climbed inside. I couldn’t stop her. She was leaving with him. Linc’s car pulled out of the parking lot and shot off. But it wasn’t going toward town. It was headed for the interstate. Motherfucker! Grabbing my keys, I took off running. I’d find him, and when I did, I’d beat him until he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t take her from me. She was mine.