Gavin sighed. Of all the people he’d hurt with his refusal to forgive himself, he regretted Hannah the most.
God, he hoped he hadn’t lost his chance with her.
“Hannah, I would really like to talk to you.”
“I’m not sure it would do any good,” Hannah said. Her West Texas drawl always deepened when she got serious. That twang dripped now as she spoke. “I think we’ve said just about all we have to say.”
“That’s not true. I told you a bunch of lies meant to protect myself. Will you let me explain?” She hesitated, and after a halting nod, Gavin went on. “In college, I met this girl named Nikki…”
He explained the entire story, every terrible detail, including his failure to act on her suicide threat. When he finished, the car was dead silent. She was probably judging him, and he deserved it, but Gavin wasn’t ready to give up. It had taken a lot of courage to tell someone with a heart as big as Hannah how small he’d been in the past.
Finally, she said, “It wasn’t your fault. Nikki made a choice. I’m sorry you’ve been living with so much guilt.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t hate him. “I have utterly regretted my part in Nikki’s death. And I’ve been convinced since you walked in my office and shook my hand that, while I might love you, I’d be poison to you. When you said you loved me, my first instinct was to push you away. But you just wouldn’t be deterred, my lovely, stubborn girl.” She smiled softly, and the crushing weight began to ease off his chest.
“I promise, I didn’t mean a word I said to you.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he tried to figure out how to convince her of his sincerity.
She turned those green eyes on him. They were so big and pure. God, nothing he or his brothers could do would ever wipe away the innocence that seemed an innate part of Hannah.
“But on some level, you did mean it, Gavin. There was a lot of truth in those words.
Otherwise, they wouldn’t have hurt so much. I don’t fit into your world. I don’t even know that I want to. It’s easier with Slade and Dex. They don’t really care what others think.” Gavin sat back in the driver’s seat with a sigh. Just because she was innocent didn’t mean she wasn’t wise. Hannah wouldn’t fit easily into his world. She would always run the risk of being ridiculed. It would happen behind her back because he had the money and clout to hurt whoever rejected her, but he was too worldly to believe it wouldn’t happen.
But Hannah was wrong about one thing. “You’re mistaking political savvy for caring, sweetheart. I don’t give a damn what anyone outside my family thinks. I am very good at corporate politics, but they don’t mean anything to me. Outside of work, none of that matters.” He would never go to another party, charity event, or social gathering if it meant making Hannah miserable.
“But all you do is work, Gavin. That’s your whole life.”
It had been, until he’d realized how important she was to him. Now he wanted something so different. He’d chosen his executive team carefully. Black Oak Oil could do with less micromanaging from him and still run like a well-oiled machine.
Gavin tentatively reached out and put his hand over hers. She didn’t wrap her fingers around his hand, but she didn’t move away, either.
“You’ve made me realize that I want something different. I’ve proven myself as a CEO. Now I want to prove to you and my brothers that I can be a good husband and someday, hopefully, a father.”
She slanted her gaze his way and pulled her hand back. Gavin missed its warmth. “After this afternoon, someday might come around sooner than you think. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
I’m not sure you are, either.”
He let his hand find the steering wheel again. He’d dug a very deep hole with Hannah. He needed to patiently fill it back in. “I am ready. If you’re pregnant—and even if you’re not—I want to prove to you that I’ll be here every step of the way. We’ll all be here for you.” Because he and his brothers were in this together, he wouldn’t have to worry about Hannah or their children if anything ever happened to him. Dex and Slade would protect and shelter her and the kids. They would pick her up if she was down. No way would his tragic history repeat itself with her.
Something warm and infinitely secure settled in Gavin’s heart. It felt so right. This was exactly the family he wanted, three planets rotating around one beautiful sun—with lots of little moons to follow.
“If I have a baby, and he’s not biologically yours, I won’t let you turn your back on him.” Hannah’s words hit him straight in the gut. She really believed he’d abandon her or any of her children? Of course, what else would she think after hearing his part in Nikki’s death? His satisfaction and rosy outlook for the future dissipated. A million gut-wrenching worries rushed to the surface. How could he convince her that he’d changed?
He raked his hand through his hair then pinned her with an earnest stare. “Never. I will never put myself before you again. I will never turn away if you or one of the children needs me. I know it must seem like I would after hearing about Nikki, but I really didn’t think she was serious or pregnant. Please believe me.”
The long silence nearly sliced him in two. He had way more fences to mend with her than he’d believed. What the hell was he going to do?
“Gavin?” Her voice trembled and went straight to his heart.
God, he was afraid to look at her if her opinion of him was that low. But he’d promised just moments ago to be there for her. He couldn’t renege now. He faced her.
Her eyes were wide, pooling with unshed tears. “I’m sorry you had to live with that. I’m sorry you’ve been hurting. The man I know would never abandon his own child—or anyone else’s.” Hannah shook her head, her blonde hair brushing her shoulders. She reached for his hand, and he gave it to her. “When you found out Dex existed, you moved heaven and earth to find him. You paid for his college, gave him a good job, and brought him into your family. Many people wouldn’t have done half so much.”
“I couldn’t leave him there. He’s my brother. I just wish I’d known sooner.” Gavin remembered walking into the dingy house where Dex had lived for the last year of his stay in foster care. More like confinement. The house had been filthy. His foster mother had cared far more about herself and her damned dogs than the kids in her care. Before Dex could even say hello, Gavin had tossed a wad of cash at the woman and packed his brother up in the Benz. Everything Dex had owned fit into a grocery sack.
“Of course.” She squeezed his hand. “You mean the world to him.”
“I haven’t always done a good job of showing that I care for him, too.”