He grunted and turned to look at me over his shoulder. “I should have been paying closer attention. I told Rome I would watch your six, and so far I’ve done a piss-poor job of it. You shouldn’t be walking around a truck stop after dark without my eyes on you. Anything could happen, and getting locked in a dirty bathroom is the least of it.” His words mirrored my nervous train of thought to a T.
I wrinkled my nose at him as I wrestled my hair back into a band so I could fit the helmet back on my head. Some of my panic was fading and it was replaced with a healthy dose of self-recrimination. “I work in a bar, Church. I don’t get off shift until three in the morning. I know how to watch my surroundings, and I know how to take care of myself. I should have paid closer attention or waited for you to walk with me.” I swore I could feel him whenever he was close by. The air felt different, heavier, and thicker. My skin tingled while my heart raced. I would know if he was missing without even having to look for him. I would elementally know it, that’s how attuned to him I was.
He stopped at the side of the bike and turned to face me. There was a muscle ticking furiously in his jaw and his hands flexed like he couldn’t control them at his sides. “I told you I would take care of you, that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you on this trip. I know you can take care of yourself, pretty girl, but for the next few days it’s my job to take care of you. Not happy that I dropped the ball right out of the gate.”
He was mad.
I could see it in the set of his wide shoulders and in the way his mouth tightened. His gaze swirled angry and furious with a riot of clashing colors as he took a step towards me, looming and glowering as we stared at one another.
I couldn’t function. All I could do was blink up at him slowly because it was exactly like the time he asked me if I was good. I was so used to being on my own and handling whatever I was handed all by myself that it made me forget how to breathe and made my knees weak when I thought about being able to lean on his strong shoulders and to have someone else there to carry the burdens I was often loaded down with.
“Oh.” The word squeaked out, too high and too thin. I didn’t want him to give me hope that there could be more when he snatched that option away every chance he got, but his words, those beautiful words, they made all those fantasies that centered on him and I together forever pulse and pound hard in my blood.
He reached out a hand and used the tip of one of his fingers to tuck a loose curl back behind my ear. “I will do a better job of keeping an eye on you while you’re in my hands.”
I wanted to turn my face into his palm and let him caress my cheek but it was all too much for my tender heart to take. The only thing I’d wanted since I fell for him was to be in his hands and for him to find a place for me inside of his heart. I’d wanted all the things he was saying to me from him when I thought there was the possibility of a future for us. He was going home to a life that didn’t include me and I was going back to Denver and a life that wasn’t going to be nearly as satisfying without him. Him giving all of this to me now felt wasted and trivial. He could throw pretty words and sentiment at me because he knew we were going to head our separate ways soon and he wouldn’t have to live up to them for very long.
I took a step away from him and tugged on the end of my coat so that I didn’t reach for him. “It was just a prank gone wrong. I’m sure it will be smooth sailing from here on out. We’d better get going if you want to make it into Kansas tonight. You said you wanted to ride at least a few more hours as long as the weather cooperated.”
He looked like he wanted to say something more to me but instead he gave a jerky nod and moved to strap his own headgear on. He swung a long leg over the bike and waited for me to situate myself behind him before starting the motor back up. I didn’t hold him as tightly as I had the first part of the ride and I didn’t lean as close to him as I could. My body wanted the contact but the rest of me couldn’t take it. He had my emotions on overload and my hormones battling against common sense. This favor felt like it might be the death of me and we hadn’t even crossed any state lines yet.
I had my hands low on Church’s ribs, but kept a pretty tight grip on him with my legs. It didn’t feel as intimate as curling myself into his back and even though the distance was minimal it felt like we were miles apart. His big body was just as stiff as mine was as he muscled the motorcycle through some heavy traffic the closer we got to the border of Kansas. It was semi-truck after semi-truck whizzing by making air rush around us and provoking me to be even more alert and tenser than I normally was when riding. Being on a motorcycle was already dangerous, being on a motorcycle surrounded by twenty-ton trucks seemed even more hazardous. If Church lost focus or got distracted at all, things weren’t going to go well for either of us. Luckily he drove the bike like he did everything else, with single-minded determination and unwavering intensity. There was nothing casual or relaxed about him as he zipped around the big rigs. I wasn’t sure that was how he normally handled the bike or if he was simply being extra cautious because of my history but either way I was grateful for his palpable concentration and consideration.
It took us another hour to hit the very flat and, even in the dark, very boring landscape of Kansas. We had the entire state to drive through tomorrow and I knew from a previous road trip that I had taken with my family when I was younger that we were in for a lot of corn and cows. I was ready to call it a day. My backside was starting to get numb and my spine hurt from sitting so straight so that I could keep some breathing room between me and Church’s leather-clad back. I was also hungry and still needed that hour-long shower to wash away the grime and gunk from the truck stop bathroom. Not to mention I’d been pulled from bed way earlier than I was used to, so I was struggling to keep my eyes open and to stay alert to what was happening around us.