I moved my fingers so they could brush against her long fall of hair. In the almost dark of the warehouse it looked darker, with none of the pretty red tones in it, but it still felt like silk. I had said I was sorry and I meant it. If she didn’t want to forgive me, I would never blame her for it.
Suddenly her head turned and her dark brown eyes locked on mine. They gleamed in the ambient light and I hated myself just a little bit more when I realized that the reason they were sparkling was the light catching the moisture trapped in their depths. I was supposed to be past the point in my life where I made beautiful, strong women cry over me, and the urge to get on my knees and beg her to forgive me, to plead with her to understand that I tried, I really did, almost overwhelmed me.
Suddenly she moved her chair closer to mine so that we were sitting hip pressed to hip. I curled my arm around her shoulders as she burrowed her face into the curve of my neck. Her lips hit right below my ear as she whispered softly, “Is it always going to be like this with you? Never knowing if this is all real or if it’s all a game because you are a broken bastard?”
My fingers flexed against her bare shoulder as one of her hands flattened against my stomach, making the muscles there tense at her touch.
“I don’t know.” I might not be able to give her an answer that she liked but I could be honest with her. I never wanted to lie to her—or anyone, for that matter. “You are the only woman I’ve ever spent time with without having a hidden agenda. Most of my life all my time was spent trying to convince people I was on the level, a good guy. I lied about who I was and what I was about with every single breath I took. With you, I seem to be doing the opposite and trying to prove to you every chance I get how awful I can be. I keep giving you the worst and you keep taking it.”
She sighed into the hollow she was snuggled into and a tremor raced down my spine when the wet tip of her tongue started to trace along the vein that throbbed right there.
“Why can’t you just be here with me, right now? Why do you have to try and prove anything, how good or how bad you are? I’m well aware of how things in the past worked with you and I am very aware of what might happen if we keep this up, Asa. What I don’t know, what I want to experience, is this moment with you. This exact second in time where it’s just you and me together and what has happened and what could happen doesn’t exist. Why can’t we do that? Just for a little bit.”
I wanted to tell her I couldn’t do it. I was holding on so tightly to every single thing I had done to keep myself weighted down in order to prevent those same devious deeds from happening again. I was forever stuck between the past and the future. The present drifted by me, which had been fine until she blazed into my life all tragic and resilient, full of a defiant fire. I wanted to take her to the dark places and let her light them up. I couldn’t tell her any of that, though. I wasn’t ever going to be a burden she had to bear. Instead I was going to ask her if she wanted to go. I could take her back to her place, take her to bed, and not worry about the past, present, or future. I never got the words out because between one pretty naked girl on the stage and the next, Royal had her small hand inside the top of my pants and behind my belt much like it had been the first night I kissed her.
I sucked in a breath, which gave her more room to maneuver, and she tilted her head back to look at me with lingering sadness and mischief in her coffee-colored eyes. “There are amazing things happening right here in the moment with us, Asa. It would be a real bummer for you to miss any of them because you can’t let go of the past and because you’re too busy trying to sabotage the future.”
Unlike the last time she had her hands down my pants, it wasn’t cold and we weren’t alone outside. No, this time we were surrounded by people, even though it was dark and the velvet covering the table obscured what she was doing. If anyone bothered to stop and take a closer look, there’d be no mistaking the delicate up-and-down glide of her hand under the fabric of my pants or the way my breath was rushing in and out, making my chest rise and fall rapidly.
“Royal?” It was part question, part plea. Her palm glanced over the tip of my dick as it went from interested to rock hard with the sweep of her fingers. I felt my balls tighten up and I shifted in my seat as she continued the little butterfly-light caresses and brushed her lips lightly across the side of my neck.
“Some games can be fun, Asa, but when one person has to lose before we even start playing, there’s no point.”
Her fingers curled around my thickening shaft as I went still as stone when the cocktail waitress suddenly appeared next to the table. I gulped and fully expected Royal to stop what she was doing but she didn’t, and she didn’t bother to look up as I strangled out that we were fine and just needed the bill. The girl gave me a look full of knowing and, if I wasn’t mistaken, approval before she walked off. I curled my fingers at the back of Royal’s head until they were hopelessly tangled in her hair, and lifted her head off of my shoulder enough that I could kiss her. Her hand dipped even lower in my pants and I groaned against her tongue.