“Yes, I am.” And surprisingly, being able to say it was what finally woke me up. Ayden was right. I had been sleepwalking, and allowing myself to love Royal enough to let her go was what had jolted me awake. Only being awake when all I was doing was hurting sucked ass, and I could have totally done without the heartache. Being numb did have its benefits, but I knew I could never go back to that place. The past had to stay behind me. The future had to play out however it was going to play out, and I needed to focus on everything I had right in front of me, right now.
She put a hand to her throat much like she had done at dinner and blinked at me. “So what happens now?”
I gritted my teeth and breathed out hard through my nose. “What happens is you get your act together. You help her through this breakup because I know she’s confused and hurting. You convince her that she deserves better than me, and you know that if I ever catch wind of you doing anything as fucking stupid as offer to pay a stranger for sex again, I’ll tell Royal everything, and if she won’t listen to me, I’ll tell Dom. He’ll watch you like a hawk and you won’t be able to move without him keeping eyes on you to make sure you don’t do anything so stupid again. Royal will never forgive you and Dom will never let it go, and we both know it. Your daughter loves you but what you’re doing is dangerous and unforgivable. It will be the final straw. She’s already over how you behave around the men in your life as it is. Get it together or lose her.” It was a threat that I would have no trouble and zero remorse about following through on, and I made sure she could tell that when she finally looked up to meet my gaze.
“Why? Why are you doing this when you could tell her the truth instead? Why give me a second chance when you could throw me under the bus and live happily ever after with her?”
I growled at her because I really just wanted her gone. “I’m doing this because she has loved you longer than she’s loved me. I’m doing it because Royal needs her mom more than she needs a boyfriend, and I’m doing it because I never thought I could walk away from the ultimate prize if I had it. I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do.” And goddammit, me doing the right thing without hesitation had never been an option before Royal.
And that was all there was to it. I walked away from Roslyn and honestly hoped I never had to see her again. I didn’t wait to see if she got up and left. I just went about my business like a zombie for the rest of my shift … and the shift after that … and the shift after that.
Another week had passed when Rome finally pulled me into the back office and told me to take a few days off. I told him the last thing I needed was time by myself to think. He told me it wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order. I told him to fuck off and things devolved pretty rapidly from there. I didn’t really remember him strong-arming out of the Bar and calling me every name he could think of. I didn’t recall him knocking me upside the head hard enough that my ears were ringing. What I did remember bright and clear was him telling me to pull my head out of my ass before he really had to hurt me, and that was enough to spur me into action and get me headed back home.
I spent several days wallowing in a drunken haze while lying in my lonely and empty bed. Who would have ever thought doing the right thing felt a hundred times worse than doing the wrong thing ever did?
I was in the shower trying to wash off the vestiges of a stupor and wondering if I was always going to feel so empty when I heard my phone ring from the other room. Considering all my friends and allies were pissed off at me or purposely giving me space, I couldn’t stop my traitorous heart from thinking it might be Royal. Even if I wouldn’t give in to temptation and answer her call, I’d still look at her pretty face on the screen while my phone sang the Black Angels’ “You’re Mine” and trashed my heart even more.
I was rubbing water off of my face with another towel when I found the phone and stopped dead in my tracks when the face on the screen wasn’t the one I wanted to see but one that I hadn’t seen in so long I almost forgot what it looked like. I sat my ass on the edge of the bed and answered the call with a terse “What kind of trouble are you in, Mom?” I had had enough of mothers to last me a lifetime the last month or so.
It sounded like she was at a truck stop. The background noise was full of wind, horns blaring, and engines revving.
“None. Why is that always the first thing you ask me?” Her drawl was twice as thick as my own and I always asked her that question because the only time I heard from her was when she needed something or was in trouble. I guess the apple didn’t fall very far from that tree.