“My mother was a part of this?”
Ms. Chancellor nods. “And your grandmother. And your grandmother’s mother, and so on for a thousand years. Every girl born to one of the Society’s members was observed and, if she seemed an appropriate fit, she was introduced to the Society in her sixteenth year. In time, we grew. Our reach expanded. And through it all we watched and recorded history, gently guiding it on occasion.”
I think about the gunshot wound that miraculously became a heart attack. I remember the room full of dusty, ancient books and weapons.
“So you’re a secret society … of librarians?”
Ms. Chancellor laughs. “Among other things,” she says. But in my mind I’m remembering how she held the gun, how calm she was when she fired. “Every army in the world knows that knowledge is power — information, the world’s most lethal weapon. The women keep the secrets, my dear. We have always kept the secrets.”
“Did one of these secrets kill my mother?”
The lights are flickering, off and on. Ms. Chancellor glances behind us then reaches for me. “Come along, dear. I’m afraid our time is up.”
When Ms. Chancellor takes my arm and leads me away, I realize we’re going back the way we came.
“Stop,” I snap, jerking free of her grasp. I know how I look, how I sound. Ancient secret societies don’t have room for petulant children, but it’s too much, too fast. And it isn’t nearly enough. I want to stomp my foot, to scream, to cry. I need to curse my predecessors for their club and their secrets because they led to what happened to my mother. I hate this Society and every one of its members. Even the one who is standing right in front of me.
“You said someone wanted my mom dead because of her job.”
“I did say that.”
“So what was her job?”
“She was an antiques dealer,” Ms. Chancellor says.
“What was her job here?” I ask, my frustration boiling over.
“She was an archivist, Grace. An antiques dealer. Her job was collecting and retrieving rare and valuable artifacts that pertain to Adria or the Society.”
“Were these artifacts valuable?”
“Yes.”
“Were they dangerous?”
Ms. Chancellor brings her hands together. “Anything of value can be dangerous if given the right conditions.”
“What did she find?”
Ms. Chancellor studies me, as if weighing which will harm me more, the truth or yet another lie. She’s too calm, too poised as she studies me. I have no idea whether or not to believe her when she says, “Honestly, I have no idea.”
“No!” I howl — rage and fear and dread bubbling up inside me and spilling over. “You have to know something! You have to.”
Instinctively, Ms. Chancellor steps closer, but she doesn’t put her arms around me. She knows better than to try to hold a wild thing.
“We will find it, Grace,” she says.
I’m weaker than I’d like to admit, because I find myself wanting to believe her.
She leads me back into the first big room. As we’re passing by the weapons, she says, “Making yourself sick won’t help matters. You both have a lot to learn, and you’re going to need to be at your best when we begin.”
“I don’t care. I want … Wait.” I stop. “Did you say both?”
The stained-glass window is overhead. Dust dances in the inexplicable beam of light, and that is where she’s standing.
I see the outline of her silhouette, and when she moves slowly forward, I know immediately who it is.
“Hello, Grace,” Lila says. “Haven’t you heard? We’re going to be sisters.”
I am my own worst enemy. But if there were to be a second place, it would go to this girl. Lila’s black hair is glossy and straight. Her nails perfectly polished, her back perfectly straight. She’s my Brazilian-Israeli best friend’s twin sister, but there is nothing of Noah in the girl in front of me.
Lila is the anti-Noah, which means she’s also the anti-me.
I spin on Ms. Chancellor. “Yes, Grace,” she says to my unasked question. “You and Lila will be joining us at the same time. Isn’t that wonderful? Learning about the Society is so much better with a friend.”
Lila is not my friend.
One look at the girl tells me she is thinking the same thing, but Ms. Chancellor practically beams. “I’m so excited for you both. Now go on. I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.”
No, I want to say, but somehow I manage to bite back the word.
“I’m afraid I’m needed at the embassy. We will continue this soon,” Ms. Chancellor says before hurrying ahead of us.
Lila and I follow in silence, climbing the spiral steps to the door Ms. Chancellor showed me just an hour ago. But even if we’re quiet, my thoughts are loud. I can’t even try to hide my disappointment. My mom was supposed to make more sense to me now. This was her big secret. I am where she once was, on the verge of learning the things that she once knew. But as Lila and I start down the tunnel that will take us outside, I can’t help but feel my mother slipping further and further away. The woman I remember now simply feels like a lie, and there’s nothing new to replace it.
“Weird, right?”
It takes a moment to realize Lila is talking, a moment more to realize she’s talking to me.
“You’re in the shocked-and-confused phase right now. It’s okay. I get it. The shock goes away after a few days, but the awe … the awe hasn’t gone away for me yet.”