Sam took a step toward the man who meant so much to Nathan. Whom Nathan had protected, demanded that he be tended to before Nathan himself.
“Swanny, we want to help him, but we can’t if we don’t know everything. You aren’t betraying him. You have to know that.”
“I could be condemning him in your eyes,” Swanny said gruffly.
“Never,” Garrett ground out. “I don’t care what you tell us. He’s our brother. That doesn’t change just because he’s been changed.”
To Sam’s surprise, Rachel rose from the couch where she sat with Ethan. Her eyes were troubled and her hands shook as she stepped toward Swanny. Then she touched his arm, her expression understanding.
“It’s about her, isn’t it?”
Relief swamped over Swanny’s face. He all but sagged. “He talked to you about her?”
There was hope in his voice that if Nathan had shared whatever it was with Rachel, then it wasn’t solely Swanny’s burden to keep his secrets.
Rachel nodded. “He said she talked to him. That she sent Donovan the email telling him where to find you and Nathan.”
Donovan’s head shot up, and he was about to explode with questions, but Sam flung his hand out to silence his brother, his expression fierce. Donovan’s lips tightened but he settled back and didn’t interrupt.
“Did he…Did he tell you everything?” Swanny hedged.
“I’m sure he didn’t. He was very closed-mouthed about it all. But you aren’t betraying him, Swanny. No more than I betray him by relating all he told me. We’re his family and we love him. We only want to help. Not condemn. It doesn’t matter to us what’s happened, or whether he thinks he’s crazy. We know he’s not. But he needs our help.”
Sweet, loving Rachel. It was like watching beauty tame a wild beast.
“Swanny, whatever it is you tell us, we’re not going to condemn, judge or otherwise decide anything about Nathan other than we want to make damn sure he’s safe and has the help he needs,” Sam said. He eyeballed his brothers, making sure they understood the implied command.
“Her name is Shea,” Swanny finally said. “I know nothing about her other than she talked to Nathan while we were held captive. According to Nathan, she took his pain for him. She even endured a torture session, shielding it and taking it for him. Don’t ask me how. I don’t know. It all sounds like bullshit, right? But Nathan took more torture than any of us. They worked harder on him. And when they finally decided they couldn’t break him, they used him to try to break me. Only Nathan got us out of there. I was injured. I was bleeding internally. I couldn’t breathe and I knew I was going to get us both killed. I asked him to leave me. He put his hands on me, and I swear to God, he did something to heal me.”
The looks on his brothers’ faces ranged from incredulity, to doubt, to “What is this dude smoking?” Sam shook his head in warning again. Hell yeah, it sounded crazy. He couldn’t even wrap his head around it. But the important thing was that Nathan believed it. Swanny believed it. And now Nathan had gone off after his imaginary woman?
“He thinks she’s in trouble. He’s had episodes…Weird shit. Like maybe she was trying to talk to him again. I think it’s what happened today, what pushed him over the edge. I don’t know, but I’d bet everything I own that he’s gone to Crescent City because he thinks that’s where Shea is.”
“Oh Jesus,” Joe muttered. “This can’t be good.”
“What will you do, Sam?” Marlene asked.
He glanced at his mom and dad, saw the worry in their eyes, the helplessness that they couldn’t seem to get through to Nathan.
He dragged in a breath because his first instinct was to take all the manpower KGI had behind it, haul ass to Crescent City and take care of business. As much as he wanted to do it, and knew it was what his brothers wanted to, he knew it wasn’t what they should do. And it was killing him.
“What did Nathan say to you exactly, Van?” Sam asked. “Earlier when you talked to him about KGI.”
“He said he had every intention of joining but that there was something he had to do—on his own—before he could commit. I tried to offer help. I tried to pry it out of him. He wasn’t giving details.”
Christ, but this was complicated. He wouldn’t send Garrett. Garrett would want to go, would insist on going. But he should stay behind with Sarah. The two had already sacrificed much in deference to Nathan. Sam wasn’t going to drag Garrett away now, especially when he had no idea what they were in for.
He glanced up at Rachel. Rachel, who seemed to know exactly what Sam grappled with. Her gaze was determined. Direct. It told him to send Ethan. It demanded that he send Ethan.
She would want the best for Nathan. She’d been very protective of him since he’d come back, and maybe it was good for Rachel to have someone to protect, since she still needed so much shielding herself.
“I think Ethan and Van should go,” Sam finally said. It pissed him off to stand down from this one, but how could he convince Garrett to stay if he wasn’t willing to do it himself?
“Wait just a goddamn minute,” Joe exploded. “I’m not staying here. Fuck that.”
“Joe!” Marlene reprimanded. Her scowl was fierce as she stared her younger son down.
“Sorry, Ma,” he mumbled. “But it is bullshit and Sam knows it. I don’t need his permission to go after my brother.”
For once, Garrett was the voice of reason.
“I think Sam’s right,” Garrett said. “I think Ethan and Van should go and the rest of us should stay here. They’ll call us in if it turns out to be something they need us for. Joe, right now Nathan doesn’t need you on his back. I get what you’re trying to do. I get that you’re frustrated. I know you and Nathan are closer than the rest of us are. But that added pressure isn’t going to help Nathan. It’s just going to push him further away and isolate him all the more. Let Ethan and Van check it out and report back. Then we’ll make a decision as to whether anything further should be done.”
“He’s not crazy!” Rusty burst out. “If he says he talked to this woman, I believe him. He wouldn’t make up something like that.”
Marlene pulled her into her arms. “No one thinks he’s crazy, baby. We’re all worried about him. That’s all. And we want to help. Ethan and Donovan will handle it right.”
Swanny looked up at Sam, determination gleaming in the shadowed depths. “I know I’m not part of your team, but I want to go. I need to do this for him. He refused to leave me. I’m not going to leave him.”
Sam glanced at Donovan, and Donovan nodded.
“Okay, you’re in, Swanny. Right now, you’re the only one Nathan’s talking to, so maybe you can figure out what the hell is going on.”
CHAPTER 15