“I don’t know.” He sighed. “To get you to relax, to take your mind off worrying about your body.”
“Oh.”
A shrug.
“Thanks.”
“I didn’t like you trying to hide parts of yourself from me.” Vaughan stared at the wall. “I’m not like that asshole, picking and choosing which bits of you suit him and expecting you to change the rest. I’m into you, Lydia. All of you.”
My heart felt huge. Out of control.
“It worked,” I said, voice thick with emotion despite my best efforts.
He turned his head toward me.
“I’m standing here naked, not covering anything. That’s not usually me.” I shrugged, nervously laughing. Somehow having my pale wobbly ass and bumps and bulges on display hadn’t sent me running for cover. Yet. A miracle, really. The earlier tug-of-war with the sheet had been more about fun than anything else. “I don’t know … I guess I trust you. I mean, I must.”
Nothing.
Not a goddamn thing.
Ouch. When would I learn? Baring your soul sucked. I looked at the floor, the wall, at everything but him. It didn’t even make any sense; I mean, so he’d told me a silly story. So he’d been kind, understanding. He was always being kind and understanding. This was nothing new. That he’d then screwed me senseless, giving me the best sex of my life thus far, meant we’d had a great night. But not some life-altering, perception-changing, stars-aligning experience. I just happened to be going through a growth period and he just happened to be a part of it.
That’s all.
When would I learn? Just because my vagina was having fun didn’t mean my heart had to get all clingy.
“Babe,” he said. “Look at me.”
Reluctantly, I did.
“Thank you.”
I nodded.
“I’ve said it before, but … I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” The smile on my face felt foreign, wrong. Time for a reality check. Things that shouldn’t really mean anything were beginning to feel big and important, and that was neither necessary nor good.
Just friends having sex. Nothing more.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“What do you know about book work?”
I untied my apron, throwing it into the laundry hamper. “Inputting accounting data into a computer, you mean?”
“Yes.”
“A little. I can type. I’m familiar with the basic programs.”
We were out back in the small cluttered office, the lunch rush having finally eased. My fellow waiter, Masa, a young Japanese dude studying at the local tech college, had indeed been a delight. Working with him was fun. The Dive Bar might be a little light on staff right now, but those that were here were solid. Even Eric proved to be more than competent, keeping up with our drink orders while carrying on a conversation with a couple hanging at the bar.
“Why are you asking me this?” I inquired, schlepping myself over to the only spare chair in the room. “God¸ my feet hurt. You’re good with knives, chop them off for me. I don’t want them anymore.”
“Stop being a whiny little princess.”
“Seriously, they ache. If I keep doing this, I’m going to have to invest in better-soled shoes.”
Nell’s head shot up. “You’re thinking of staying?”
“What? No.” My stupid mouth opened, closed. “No, of course not. I don’t know where that came from. I already have a career, I’m a real estate agent.”
“No, you’re not. You got fired.”
“Thanks,” I replied drily. “Actually, I need to read over the settlement from the Delaneys tonight. Get that sorted out.”
“So you’ll be receiving a payout?” She set her elbows on the table and clasped her fingers together, watching me with bright beady little eyes. “How much, do you think?”
“Hopefully enough to buy me a decent used car and help me resettle somewhere else.” I crossed my legs, getting comfortable. “I honestly don’t know what it will be. I’m a little afraid to look. My savings are not immense.”
“You have a job here, a place to stay.”
“Nell, these are just emergency measures. You’ll find a new waiter and Vaughan will be gone soon, the house sold.”
She flinched.
Regret flooded me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s the truth.” Her shiny red hair had been pulled back into a bun. It still seemed too bright against the pale of her cheeks, the shadows under her eyes. It was concerning.