It didn’t take a degree in rocket surgery to figure out what the news had been. Nell had told Pat about the baby. Pat had lost it and thrown the chair. Despite their separation. Despite their divorce. Shoulders bowed, Pat seemed lost, wounded. Nell looked about the same. It still didn’t give him license to start throwing furniture through shop windows, however.
The amount of yelling, drama, and violence in the last seven days had been insane. In total contrast to my family’s own studied indifference. As if caring too much was an error, an embarrassment. Fact is, by the time things disintegrated to this degree, my parents would have long since moved on. I’d been given the same option and yet here I stood.
Staying was the right decision. It was.
Meanwhile, Masa swore while Boyd stood back, scowling.
“Christ, Lydia,” said Pat, eyes anguished. He rubbed at his face with both hands. “If I’d hurt you … shit.”
A police siren wailed in the distance.
“It’s okay,” I announced to one and all. Despite all evidence to the contrary. “Everything’s fine.”
“What a mess,” said Nell, a tear trailing down her cheek.
I could only agree.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Baths were a girl’s best friend. Screw jewelry, chocolate, and those other things. A big old tub full of warm water had them all beat. Advil wasn’t bad either. Despite the monumental bruise covering my side, my hip hardly hurt.
I lay my head back against the rim of the tub, staring off into space. Trying to think constructively about my life, but not really succeeding.
Nell and Vaughan had talked to the police while the rest of us cleaned up the mess. It took a while for Joe to arrive with supplies to board up the window. Joe had stayed with Pat while we drove Nell back to her apartment. All in all, another crazy long night in Coeur d’Alene with the Hewson family and friends.
The voice of doubt had been running through my head. Of course it had. These people were batshit. I was insane to even consider staying here and throwing my lot in with the Dive Bar. Only, when I walked Nell up to her apartment, she’d thrown her arms around me, holding on tight.
I liked that.
As harsh as it sounds, if Vaughan was leaving, sooner rather than later might be for the best. Emotional upheaval and mass confusion where he was concerned had gotten old. He made my vagina happy. Deliriously so. But the rest of me felt tired. Or maybe it was just my head and my heart, the thinking and feeling bits. I’d already faced one major rejection this year, care of my ex-fiancé. Two was getting a bit ridiculous.
At first, I didn’t register the quiet knocking. Only when it continued, accompanied with Vaughan opening the bathroom door a little to peek into the room, I sat up in a rush, hugging my knees to my chest, covering up all of the essentials. Like he hadn’t already seen everything. A cascade of water splashed over the edge onto the floor. Oops.
“Just checking you hadn’t fallen asleep,” he said.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Mind if I come in?”
I opened my mouth to make excuses. But no go. The door opened wide and he stepped in, some thick candles in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other. He set the whole lot on the bench beside the basin, pulling a book of matches out of his jeans pocket. Small flames blossomed in no time. A finger flicked off the light, plunging the room into romance mode.
No. So much no.
“Vaughan.” I couldn’t manage a smile. I just didn’t have one in me.
With a flick of his wrist a bottle cap fell to the floor. “Here.”
“Thanks.” Icy glass chilled the palm of my hand. “Um. I’m not really in the mood for sexual healing…”
Another bottle cap fell and he knelt by the tub, resting an arm on the rim. After taking a healthy swig, he just looked at me, not saying anything. To have him all up close and personal didn’t feature on my list of goals right now. I needed space to figure shit out. Not only to plan, but to understand, what the future would look like here without him.
“Lydia—”
“You know, I don’t really want to talk either. Sorry.”
“Okay.” His eyes were so sad.
The urge to take it all back was huge. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Survival skills had to kick in eventually. Protect my idiot heart from getting more wrapped up in him. I was also still rather pissed at him for earlier.
“Thought you should know,” he said. “Made a decision. I’m going to head out Monday morning.”
“Oh.” This was it, the date had been set. My mind emptied, just blanking. It took a moment to find words. “Okay. Right. I’ll get organized tomorrow. Get my things out of the way. Nell said I could crash with her for a while. Store my things at the bar.”