“No. I’ll always want to play. It’s a big part of me. I want to record my songs, perform them live. But I don’t necessarily need a band for that. I’ve been rethinking things,” he said. “Fact is, you come first for me. I’ve decided to go solo so I can be based here, organize my music so it fits in with us. But if I have to leave for work, go on tour, I’ll come back. Okay?”
“Okay.” Despite all of my deep breathing and blinking, tears started falling down my face. “All right.”
“You’ll move your stuff back into my house?”
“I don’t know,” I said, nerves buzzing. “You don’t think we should date? Maybe take things slow and do this properly?”
He scrunched up his nose. “Problem with that is, my dream also involves having lots of sex with you. I mean, a serious amount.”
“I see.”
“It’s not just about the sex, though. The dream is quite detailed.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” He reached out, wiping the tears from my face with a frown. “Stop that. I don’t like it. Didn’t come back to make you cry.”
“They’re happy tears. Leave them alone. The dream, Vaughan,” I prodded, slapping lightly at his hand.
He smiled. “It involves us going to sleep together and waking up together.”
“Okay.”
“And doing coupley shit, you know.”
“Coupley shit?” My brows went high. “What is this coupley shit?”
One of his shoulders hitched. “Hanging out, watching TV, being together. Mostly naked, but occasionally not.”
“Sounds like a good dream.”
“No,” he corrected. “It’s great one.”
I smiled back at him. I couldn’t not. “Yes, it is. You’re sure, though?”
“I’m sure.”
“No. I need you to have thought this through. I don’t want you to wind up resenting me. It would hurt if you changed your mind, decided the musical prospects on the coast were more important.” I grabbed his hand and held on tight. Quietly terrified of what we were doing. “It would hurt me really badly.”
Lines surrounded his eyes, his gaze intensifying. “Babe. This chance with you … you’re it for me. You’re my number one and you’re staying there. I need you to believe that. This isn’t a passing idea. I didn’t hit L.A. and suddenly feel a bit bummed ’cause you weren’t there. I’m not saying I knew you were it for me the minute I saw you in the bath. To be honest, I was kind of pissed off about the whole thing. But not much later, things changed. A half an hour, maybe. Definitely by the time you punched that asshole.”
I laughed through the tears. “Ha. You sure it wasn’t the breasts?”
“The breasts were definitely a part of it. But I wanted … no, I needed to know everything about you. I needed you to stay,” he said, voice so sincere it hurt. “I just didn’t want to change. Not my plans, not my life.”
“What happened?”
Clearing his throat, he rose, lifting me likewise to my feet. Strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me in close. And god, it felt so good. It felt like my dream. My body relaxed against his, my arms winding around his neck.
“Vaughan?”
“I know that asshole made you doubt yourself. Made you doubt feeling like this about anyone.” He rested his forehead against mine. “But you’re in me. Have been since the first day I met you. I fought it for a while, but that’s over.”
“You’re in me too.”
“Good.” The tip of his nose rubbed against mine. “That’s good, Lydia. ’Cause that’s where I’m going to stay.”
I buried my face against his chest. Damn tears.
“I mean that literally too,” he whispered against my ear. “You get that right?”
I hiccupped, laughing. “I get that. I want that.”
A happy humming noise came from his chest. His hold on me intensified, keeping me safe, keeping us tight.
“I love you, you know,” I said, putting it all out there. Taking the leap, trusting in him and us. “I didn’t want to, but I do.”
“Thank fuck for that,” he murmured.
“What the hell?” asked Nell, appearing at our side. Along with basically everyone. Joe, Eric, Masa, even Boyd. Apparently this had turned into a staff meeting.
I subtly wiped my nose on Vaughan’s shirt because love was meant to hurt and occasionally be icky. Happily, it was also meant to shine.