Chapter 42
LAUREN laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes as the plane lifted into the air. On either side of her were Liam and Noah, both touching her in some way whether it was a leg against hers or a hand on her arm. It was a silent reminder that they were there. Just as they’d been every minute since they’d burst into the lake house where Joel had died.
The last day had been a blur. Constant flow of people in and out of her hospital room. Noah and Liam had been determined that they were taking her back to Colorado at the very first opportunity, despite requests for them to remain in the area for further questioning.
She’d been questioned at length by the investigator assigned to the case as well as the district attorney whom Noah had turned the disk over to. In truth, she’d paused briefly, considering whether she should give the information now that Joel was dead. It shamed her that she feared reprisal from other quarters once the investigation was launched.
But Castanetti had guaranteed her anonymity and that she wouldn’t even have to testify since all she’d done was collect information from Joel’s computer. They’d have to launch their own investigation based on the information she’d provided. She’d given the disk to the D.A. and had immediately felt a weight lifted from her shoulders.
It was something she should have done from the start. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that, had she not done so much wrong, she wouldn’t have been abducted and subjected to Joel’s abuse, and Liam wouldn’t have been shot rescuing her.
She shivered and her stomach coiled into a knot. Just being on a plane brought back the memory of what Joel had done to her. What he’d forced her to do. Tears burned her eyelids and she bit into her lip to maintain control.
“Are you all right, baby?”
Liam’s concerned voice reached her from what seemed a huge distance. She tried to respond, but she couldn’t even suck in a breath.
Panic clawed at her throat, squeezing and knotting. Her chest burned. She was paralyzed with fear.
There were muffled curses, the sound of seat belts clicking as they were thrown off. Then she was lifted from her seat and carried toward the back where the lounging area was.
A cold cloth was pressed to her face and strong arms surrounded her.
“Breathe, honey,” Noah said gently. “Take a breath for me. Can you do that? Look at me. Like this.”
He inhaled deep and slow through his nose and then let it out through his lips. His gaze bore into hers, willing her to follow his lead.
She reacted sluggishly, the effort taking every bit of strength she had. Noah framed her face with his hands, forcing her to look only at him and the way he breathed. Liam’s hand smoothed up and down her back, offering comfort, and gradually her chest loosened and the choking sensation was gone.
Tears streamed down her face, bathing Noah’s hands. She tried to lower her head, to shrink away from his and Liam’s scrutiny, but Noah held firm and then pulled her into his warm embrace.
“I’ve got you now,” Noah murmured as he rocked back and forth, his arm securely around her.
She clutched at his shoulders as she buried her face in his neck. He kissed her hair, her forehead, stroked his fingers through the strands and rubbed up and down her back. His voice was pitched low in a soothing, nonsensical rhythm almost as if he were calming a child.
Eventually the sobs faded and she lay limply against him, exhausted by the panic attack and emotional breakdown.
“Tell me he’s dead,” she whispered. “Tell me again.”
Noah kissed her forehead and Liam reached for her hands, enfolding them in his much larger ones.
“He’s dead, baby,” Liam said. “He can’t hurt you again. You’re free now.”
Tears clouded her eyes and she felt the warm trickle down her face but was too exhausted to call them back.
“He forced me . . . on the plane . . .”
She could hear her voice rise with hysteria, could feel the panic returning even as Noah’s hold on her tightened.
“Oh God,” she choked out. “He pushed me to my knees and he forced himself into my m-mouth.”
Even as she spoke, she wiped at her lips with the back of her hand, over and over as if she could remove the memory.
“He used me,” she sobbed. “I’m dirty. I feel so dirty. How could you possibly want to be with me knowing the things he made me do?”
Liam went to his knee in front of Noah so that she was trapped between them, touching them both. His expression was so fierce that her eyes widened. He tipped her chin with his fingertip and then slid his fingers down her jaw to make sure she was looking at him.
“I won’t say it doesn’t matter what he did to you,” Liam bit out. “It would be bullshit and I’m not going to say shit I don’t mean to try to make you feel better. Of course it matters. He hurt you. He violated you. He took your choices away from you and he forced himself on you. But if you think what he did changes one goddamn thing about the way we look at you or feel about you, then you’re wrong.”
She stared back into his eyes, seeing the burning sincerity in his gaze. Noah rumbled his agreement, his body so tense against her it was like resting against brick.
“But it changes the way I feel,” she said, her voice cracking.
Liam’s expression went soft, his eyes full of love and understanding.
“Give yourself some time, baby,” he said gently. “We’ll get through this together. One day at a time. Noah and I will be with you every step of the way.”
“I love you,” she said, injecting as much conviction into her voice as she could.
Liam’s eyes went even softer and he stroked her face with his hand. “I love you too, baby. So much.”