She did, too. She had gotten used to the emptiness of the tunnels under Gyongxe where she and Luvo and Big Milk had traveled. She wished she could talk Briar and Rosethorn into going back into the tunnels with her, where they would be safe. They would never listen; she knew that.
Before she conferred with the general, Souda had told them to go to bed early, saying, “We’ll be fighting the emperor’s main army in a day or two. You need rest.”
The thought gave Evvy the crawls. How could she rest? She and Rosethorn and Briar and Parahan were the only ones who really knew what they faced. They would be in battle against the imperial army, its ranks full of men like Musheng and Dawei. There would be mages who wielded battle-magic spells similar to the ones placed on General Hengkai’s beads. Cruel spells. None of the people who had come north with them had seen the emperor show off hundreds of thousands of archers and soldiers on his birthday, so many that acres of land were covered with them. There would be catapults to fling zayao bombs into the middle of General Sayrugo’s army. Everyone she knew would die or be taken off and tortured. She would have to stay with them, and risk the emperor’s wrath all over again.
How did Parahan stand it? She had seen him joking with some of his soldiers earlier. He knew what they faced even better than Evvy, and yet he could grin and tease and even steal a kiss from Rosethorn in the shadow of a tent when they thought no one was looking.
Evvy got to her feet. She wasn’t strong like Parahan. “I’m tired,” she said abruptly. “Luvo, are you coming?”
“I wish to remain here for a time more,” Luvo replied. “You do not need to be concerned for my well-being, Evumeimei.”
She nodded and retired to the tent she now shared with Rosethorn. Whoever had put up the tent had also laid out her bedroll, which was a kind thing to do. She lay down on it without removing her clothes. It was hard to undress, even to change to clean clothes or a nightdress now. She was terrified someone might come in and see her naked. Luvo didn’t count, but a strange man … She didn’t think she could endure being seen unclothed by strangers again.
She lay in the dark, listening to camp noises. Playing with the stones of her alphabet helped a little. Their textures against her fingers calmed her. Still, they weren’t calming enough to make her sleep, and they weren’t the textures of the alphabet she had been making on her own. They weren’t the textures of her quartz and flint disks, with the different kinds of magic she had been learning to place on them. They weren’t the textures of the flint arrow and dagger blades she had made herself, after months of study in the art of knapping.
The more she thought about what she had lost, the angrier — and the more awake — she became. She got out of bed.
“Evumeimei?” Luvo stood at the opening of the tent, like a sentry, as he had every night since they had begun living among humans.
“I’m just going out to think. I won’t leave the camp,” she whispered. She opened the ties and slipped out the back of the tent, grateful that Rosethorn had yet to come in. Quietly she made her way through the rows of tents. Most of the fires were now banked for the night. Just enough torches burned to light the main paths. Heading uphill, Evvy kept to the shadows. She did make certain that the sentries noticed her, though they didn’t stop her. There was no point in getting shot by a nervous warrior because she wanted a quiet walk. In any case, she stayed inside their lines.
She made her way to the hilltop where a broad slab of slate thrust out over the northern slope like a shelf. Sentries were posted on the ground below, their eyes to the north, and on the western edge of the ridge, but they were nice enough to let Evvy have the stone to herself. She sat with her knees up, arms wrapped around them, staring at the road they would take in the morning.
A sliver of moon shone down on everything, turning it the color of ghosts. She wondered how many human ghosts might be walking on that landscape soon. Would she be one of them?
She would not let the enemy take her again. She promised herself that. Rather than fall into the torturers’ hands a second time, she would turn herself into stone all the way. There would be no little piece of Evvy left behind to wake up to agony. She would join the rocks of Gyongxe forever.
She was so absorbed in her thoughts that she did not hear anything until Briar lay on the stone beside her. He said nothing, only crossed his arms under his head and regarded the sky. Evvy found she couldn’t think of dying in his presence. Instead she let herself trickle through the slate under them and on down through the hillside rocks, naming them to herself. Before long Rosethorn and Parahan silently joined them. Both chose to sit cross-legged on the slate, their eyes on the silvery northern view.
Souda was the last to reach them. She carried a silk quilt in her arms and shared it with Evvy, who was shivering. Eventually Briar squirmed under a corner of it, too. Except for that, none of them moved until Parahan began to snore. That startled laughs out of the women, Briar, and Evvy. Without discussion they woke him and returned to their tents for what remained of the night.
BEFORE THE GATES OF GARMASHING, CAPITAL OF GYONGXE
Evvy and Luvo were seated by the morning campfire when Rosethorn and Briar emerged from Souda’s tent. Both of them wore armor.
“You,” Rosethorn said, pointing to Evvy. “Armor. Now. We’re battle mages today and for the duration. We’re under strict orders to stay away from the healers and save our strength for fighting.”
Briar wandered over to Evvy and Luvo as Rosethorn returned to Souda’s tent. “Not that General Sayrugo’s happy about it.”