But coming back from the fairy reality, it had all changed. I could taste the lime again. I hadn’t spent any time with Lucas since realizing it, so I wasn’t sure if his cinnamon taste would be there. I also didn’t know what it meant in terms of my mate bond with the king, or our lupine marriage. I was sure the consequences would spread out a lot further than just the taste, but for the time being it was the only thing that mattered to me.
It was like losing a limb and having it magically restored to you. I’d known I missed the taste of him but hadn’t realized how much until the flavor was back.
I leaned forward and kissed him gently, his lips tangy and sweet, and rested my forehead against his, breathing in the comfort and familiarity of his scent. I wanted so badly to bring him with me, but there was no way I could go on vampire business with my werewolf boyfriend in tow.
“Don’t think you can kiss me and I’ll forget what you said,” he teased, some of the darkness leaving his voice.
“What if I kiss you a lot?”
“It would take a solid decade of making out for me to overlook you blowing up a building.”
“To be fair, I didn’t actually blow it up. It just sort of…blew up around me.”
I sat back and watched his expression change from amused to concerned. His gaze shifted, looking over every part of me he could see while I was sitting, before meeting my eyes again.
“You’re okay?”
“Of course I’m okay.”
“But Sig is sending you away.”
“He says it’s not safe anymore. Not just for me, but for everyone. He thinks Peyton is gaining support from other rogues, and if that’s the case, there’s nowhere for me to hide in this city. If they can’t come at me directly, they’ll come at me through the people I love.”
“And you think they won’t still try that if you’re gone?”
“Not if we make it known I’m leaving. On official council business of course.”
Desmond pulled his hands free of mine and balled them into fists in his lap like he wanted to hit something but had no obvious target.
“I want to go with you.”
“You can’t.”
“Secret…”
“You can’t. I know you want to be with me, and I know you want to protect me, but if you come, you’ll only put me at greater risk. I can’t explain to the West Coast Tribunal why I have a werewolf with me. They won’t overlook it the way Sig does.”
“Why should it matter who you have with you?”
“Desmond, please. When I was in New Orleans with Lucas, Holden showed up. He was there all of five seconds before Lucas freaked out and made me get rid of him. And he was just bringing me clothes. How do you think the vampire council will react when I show up as a half-vampire and say, Oh, by the way, this is my werewolf boyfriend?”
His silence said he understood, but the hurt expression on his face worried me more. Touching his arm, I added, “I wish you could come, but I have to play this one by the book.”
“So you do know how to abide by the rules sometimes, then. How long are you going to be gone?”
“I don’t know.”
“And is he going with you?”
I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. I wouldn’t lie, but I wanted the truth to be as painless as possible. “Yes.”
“In what capacity?”
“Des…”
“In what capacity?”
“Holden will be my personal guard. He’s acting as part of my council envoy. I’ll also be with Ingrid, if that makes you feel any better.” Desmond and Ingrid had met and gotten along surprisingly well, all things considered.
“Telling me you’re not leaving would be the only thing to make me feel any better.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Then tell me you’re coming right back to me.”
I opened my mouth, and instead of words a sad, gulping noise came out. The look of guilt that overcame him when I made the sound assured me any argument we were having was effectively over. He crossed the distance between us and pulled me in tightly. With his strong arms wrapped around me and the familiarity of his warmth and scent, I felt safer and more at home than I had in weeks.
If I closed my eyes, I could pretend this was the Desmond and me of a year ago, living together in this apartment, happy together with our slightly messed-up werewolf love triangle. And if I tried to imagine a time ahead, when he lived here with me again and there was nothing tripping us up or keeping us apart, I might never leave his arms.
Just being near him was a more convincing argument for why I should stay than anything he could say. Desmond’s arms felt like home. And I was being forced to leave.
Holden had come into the room while Desmond hugged me, and cleared his throat to announce his presence. The werewolf was in no hurry to let me go, but I knew time was of the essence. I still had to fly across the country and somehow manage to get to L.A. without being burnt to a crisp by the rising sun. I was sure Sig had a plan in place for Holden and me to travel safely, but it didn’t make me any less uneasy about the prospect.
“We need to go,” Holden said, as if I didn’t already know.
Desmond growled, drawing me in closer. The rumble of his warning buzzed through my cheek, and in the pit of my stomach, something responded. My inner werewolf and I had come to an uneasy peace with one another since my time with the fairies. She’d shown herself as a force to be reckoned with, and I’d had to acknowledge she was a real entity, not just a figment of my imagination.
Since my return, she’d let me keep her in check, and I’d avoided contact with other wolves during the full moon so I wouldn’t be forced to shift. I had no illusions of being in control of her, though. I understood full well she was allowing me the illusion of command. My inner wolf was a tricky, manipulative bitch if ever there was one. I was just grateful she was letting me live a semblance of a normal life given how fucked up everything else was.
Maybe she understood we didn’t have the luxury of slipping up right now. The last thing I needed was to shift into a wolf during the full moon and run through the streets of New York. That would not have gone unnoticed.
But I wasn’t foolish enough to think she wouldn’t show herself again. She was merely biding her time, like a hunter stalking its prey waits for the right moment. My wolf was holding out for her moment.
She was also excited by Desmond’s growl and made her presence known inside me. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to that. She wasn’t an imaginary energy or a mere voice inside my head. She was a physical entity, and some days it seemed as though there were a real wolf just under the surface of my skin waiting to bust loose.
That wasn’t how the whole shifting thing worked, but it felt like it sometimes.
She stretched, and I swear to God I felt fur rubbing up against the inside of my belly.
I pressed my palms flat against Desmond’s chest and pushed myself free of his arms, whispering, “Shh.”
At first he looked hurt, but there must have been something in my eyes or on my face that showed him how wigged out I was because he took a step back and lowered his arms. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. She’s just…”
“She?” Holden asked.
“Her wolf,” Desmond said. “I woke up her wolf.”
My tummy churned, and I sucked in a deep breath, shutting my eyes tightly. He is unhappy, she told me.
“No shit,” I replied.
Holden and Desmond both thought I was commenting on Desmond’s explanation, and I let them go right on thinking it. Better that than both of them staring at me like a freak for talking to my inner beast.
“Are you okay?” Holden asked. “Do we need to…subdue you?”
My wolf growled at him, but her warning came out of my throat, and I had to admit it sounded pretty scary even from human lips. I’d like to see him try.
“N-no,” I stammered. “It’ll be fine. Just give me a second.”
“Now do you see why we can’t have you with us?” Holden said to Desmond. “Imagine if this happened with the wrong people around? How can we explain one of our Tribunal leaders snapping at people as if she were a rabid dog?”
My wolf growled again. She was less than thrilled by Holden’s choice of words.
“You’re the one pissing her off now, bloodsucker.” Desmond crossed his arms and sneered at Holden, proving the vampire brought out the worst in him. “Maybe you shouldn’t be going either.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh my God, would the two of you please shut up and give me a second?” I covered my ears with both hands and thought soothing, happy thoughts. Things a wolf might enjoy. Frolicking through meadows. Chasing fluffy bunnies. Anything to distract her from the maelstrom of testosterone across the room.
They zipped their lips, but the loaded glares kept zinging back and forth like invisible bullets. I stepped between them, taking the packed Coach weekend bag out of Holden’s hand and turning my back to him so I could face Desmond.
“Des, I love you.” I cupped his warm chin, scratching his stubble until I got a grin out of him. Leaning in close, I planted a kiss on his lips and on each corner of his mouth. “I want you to come. I wish you were with me all the time, I hope you know that.”
He offered a tight smile, telling me he didn’t completely believe what I was telling him. “Okay,” he said, which wasn’t the same as a yes.
“And when I come back, I promise I won’t leave your side again for months.”
Holden scoffed audibly behind me.
“Sure,” Desmond replied. Apparently Holden’s dismissive noise was more credible than my actual assurances. Who could blame him, though? It’s not like I’d been the most reliable girlfriend in history.
I’d almost married someone else.
“At least she told you she was leaving this time,” Holden offered.