“What about what the note said?” I intervene. “Are we going to talk about that?”
His irritation lessens, as if he were waiting for me to bring it up. “I was planning on mentioning it, yes. I want to know how you feel about it.”
“He’s not going to meet those people anywhere,” Lila snaps. “I’m not going to let him.”
“I’m eighteen,” I mutter, knowing I’m going to upset her and loathing myself for having to do it.
In the end, this is about saving Sadie.
Lila narrows her eyes at me. “I don’t give a shit how old you are. You’re my son, and you’ll do what you’re told.”
“Living a life where I could be kidnapped is just as risky,” I point out. “I need to do this. Maybe, if I do, it’ll lead us to Sadie.”
Lila tears up. “I can’t let you risk your safety like that. If you go there . . . alone . . .” She shakes her head. “No, I won’t let you do it. I can’t lose you.”
“He wouldn’t be alone,” the detective chimes in. “We would have officers around the area. The Golden Center Docks couldn’t be a more perfect area for this. There are trees and plenty of other places to hide. Plus, it’s secluded from the city.”
Lila glares at him. “I’m not letting you use him as bait.”
“I’m not being used as bait,” I insist. “I need to go there for my own sake. Do you know how bad it would eat away at me . . . ? How bad it does eat away at me that I can’t save her? She’s there, and I’m here. She’s suffering, and I’m not.”
“Ayden, I . . .” She has no clue what to say to the truth of my words.
“Besides, if we do this, it could lead to some arrests and maybe put an end to this,” I press. “I—we—could all finally have a fucking normal life.”
It might be the biggest and longest speech I’ve ever made, and there’s definitely a shock factor to it.
Lila sniffs back tears. “I just want you to live the life you deserve without all this pain.”
“Then let me do this for myself. For my sister.” I shut my eyes and take a deep breath. “For my brother.”
When the room grows quiet, I open my eyes.
She’s staring out the window, her eyelashes fluttering against the tears. Detective Rannali catches my gaze and gives me an encouraging look. I don’t give a shit about him, though. I’m not doing it for him. I’m doing it for my sister and myself. And for my brother.
“I want assurance that no harm will come to him.” She looks over at the detective. “I won’t agree to this unless you can give me that.”
He nods. “Of course.” He tucks the pen and notepad into his pocket. “We’re not going to put your son at risk. We’ll do this safely, and if anything looks suspicious, then we’ll pull him out.”
Lila’s gaze lands on me. “You have to promise me the same thing. If at any time something seems wrong, you’ll leave.”
I nod, some of the tension alleviating in my chest, but it’s replaced by fear.
Am I really going to do this? See them again? The people who stole my life from me?
Her gaze elevates to the ceiling as she dabs her eyes. “I hope I don’t regret this,” she mutters. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
Even though I’m not the touchy feely type, it seems like the kind of moment where I should give her a hug, so I wrap an arm around her and give her a pat on the back.
“Thank you . . . and not just for this. For taking me in and making sure that I didn’t . . . well, you know.”
I’m not sure if she knows just how much I appreciate what they’ve done for me. Maybe, if my brother and sister could have found this, things would have turned out differently for them. Maybe, if tonight goes well, my sister can still have this in time.
“Oh, Ayden.” She pulls me against her, crushing my chest.
Usually, I squirm, but I decide to let her have a moment. Truthfully, I kind of need one, too. Even though I’m strong, I’m still terrified out of my goddamn mind that something will go wrong. Unlike a couple of years ago, I have a lot to lose.
My family.
My music.
A career in music, even.
Most importantly, Lyric. I don’t even know if I could function without her, not with how close we’ve gotten.
She holds me up when I’m falling,
Stills me when I’m tumbling,
Calms me when I’m cracking,
Gives me air when I’m suffocating.
Lyric, she somehow takes the pain away
When everything is crushing down on me.
How I ever lived without her, I have no idea.
The problem is, I’m worried how she’s going to react when I tell her what I’m going to do. She flipped out when I told her about the photos. Maybe I should keep this to myself for now.
After the detective leaves to go get his team prepped for tonight, I stay home with Lila and help her clean the house. Scrubbing down the counters and the floors distracts us from the massive cloud hovering above us.
Finally, after the kitchen and living room are sparkling, we sit down at the table to eat some sandwiches.
“I don’t want to tell Lyric what I’m doing tonight,” I tell her, picking the crust off the bread. “She’ll worry about me, and I don’t . . .” I swallow hard. “I don’t want her to have to go through that.”