It takes all I have in me not to break down and sob. “Sadie, you’re going to make it. I swear to God you will. And I’ll be there for you.”
She cries for another minute or two before she pulls it together. “I don’t want to cry anymore. Please, Ayden, tell me something that won’t make me cry . . . Tell me more about your family . . . And Lyric . . . And this band and the tour . . . It all sounds so great.” She sniffles as she dries her tears with the back of her hand. “I can’t believe you ended up being musically talented. I remember when you tried learning how to play the flute. You sucked.”
“Hey, I was eight,” I protest. “And the only lessons I had were from Mr. Grangering. You remember him?”
“That grumpy old man that had a lot of cats,” she says, nodding. “I didn’t know he gave you lessons.”
“The lessons really weren’t that great since he got the harmonica confused with the flute. You should’ve seen him try to play it.”
She laughs softly, but then her expression instantly plummets as terror flashes through her eyes. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the guitar . . . I thought about it a lot while I was . . . But I didn’t think I’d ever be able to . . . Get the chance to.”
“I can teach you,” I offer.
“That would be amazing.” She tries to smile but instantly frowns.
“Lyric can teach you how to play too,” I offer, trying to keep the conversation going so she’ll stay distracted from her thoughts. “She’s actually just as good as me. Maybe even better.”
“I want to hear her sing,” she says. “When you were talking about it, all this excitement was in your eyes and I want to feel that excitement too.”
“I’m sure there’ll be plenty of chances for you to hear her.”
“Maybe when you’re on this tour thingy, I can go watch one of your concerts.” Self-doubt seizes her expression as she grips onto the blanket for dear life. “W-well, just as long as I can stand backstage. I-I don’t think I can stand being out in a crowd.”
I completely understand where she’s coming from. I remember the first concert I went to and how terrifying it was being in the crowd. Thankfully, Lyric was there with me and calmed me down.
“I’m not sure I’m going on the tour . . . I’m still deciding,” I offer her a reassuring smile. “But you can definitely watch me play sometime.”
“It’s not because of me, is it?” she asks worriedly.
Not wanting to make her feel guilty over anything, I choose my next words carefully. “No, there’s just some other stuff I need to do right now.”
She shakes her head. “Ayden, please don’t stop living your life because of me. I’m so jealous of what you have, and I’d die if I knew I ruined stuff for you.”
“You’re not ruining—”
She cuts me off, clutching onto my hand in desperation. “Promise me you won’t. Promise me you won’t change your life because I’m here now. I don’t want you to do that.”
“But I want to be there for you,” I say, choking up. “I don’t want you to go through this alone.”
“I’m not telling you not to be there for me. I-I’m just telling you to live your life. We were given a second chance, so promise me you’ll do everything you want to do. That you’ll be happy.”
“I’ll promise to if you promise to.”
“I’ll try,” she whispers. “I’m not going to let them break me.”
She’s stronger than I expected, but I can still see pain hidden under the strength, the internal battle trying to consume her. And I need to be there for her, to make sure it never completely takes hold.
I spend the next hour telling Sadie about my life, because she doesn’t want to discuss anything else. Then Lila and Ethan come in and introduce themselves. Sadie seems skittish around them and acts even more erratic when a nurse comes in to do a check up on her and to tell us visiting hours are over.
“Remember what you promised,” Sadie says to me as I’m walking out of the room.
I turn around and nod. “Just as long as you remember too.”
She smashes her quivering lips together and nods before inching away from the nurse.
I hate leaving her alone, but she has to stay at the hospital for a few more days until she’s made a full recovery.
Lila, Ethan, and I leave the hospital in silence. By the time we get to the car, it’s late and the stars and moon are shining in the sky. Even though I might not make it in time, I ask Lila to drive me to Infinite Bliss so I can try to catch my band perform with their new guitarist.