I gave him a reassuring smile, his words about Camden inflating me with joy. “He has my heart. He knows it. At least I hope he does. I’ll keep giving it anyway. I love him.”
I want to spend my whole life with him. I want to marry him, I thought. But of course I didn’t say that.
He gave me a quick grin and stuffed a chip in his face, talking with his mouth full. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear. The boy drove me nuts for most of the trip to be honest. He just wouldn’t shut up about you. But he has moxie and I like that. You’re both perfect for each other. And if he ever wants to become my son-in-law,” he trailed off and looked over my shoulder. “Perhaps I should shut my big mouth now.” And in went another chip.
I turned in my seat to see Camden coming toward me. My god he was absolutely beautiful, knee-length cargo shorts, a wifebeater that showed off his muscles and colorful art, from wrist to collarbone. He still had a bandage over his gunshot wound on the shoulder and his face was marred by a few healing gashes but that only made him look more manly. That man would kill for me. He would die for me. And he would fuck me to death if I asked him.
I was tempted. What a way to go.
He stopped above us and smiled, dimples and white teeth illuminating his face in the setting sun. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
I shook my head, eager for him to join us, especially after I knew that Gus approved of him. I mean, how couldn’t he? This was a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life trying to make happy, trying to give him the life he deserved for the kind of good person he was.
Which is why I had to bring up a more serious topic, one we hadn’t discussed yet.
“So, what’s the plan after this,” I broached slowly as Camden sat back down beside me. “How do we get back Ben?”
Camden straightened up at the mention of his son’s name, his fingers gripping the end of the arm rests. He bit his lip, brows drawn together, and cast a furtive glance at Gus. Then he said, “I don’t know yet.”
Gus tilted his head sympathetically. “You’re still a wanted criminal in the USA. Maybe not as wanted as you were before. It’s probably all blown over. But if you’re ever caught by the police for something, you’ll be in big shit. If you’re ever recognized by anyone, you’re in big shit. If Sophia ever sees you again …”
“I’m in big shit,” Camden filled in.
“Or you’re dead.” Gus rested his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together. “So we have to do what we can to avoid that. You know this will be the hardest part, even harder than getting Ellie back. Sophia won’t give you Ben. You’ll never be able to get custody. You’ll never be able to see him. You’ll never get visitation rights. It’s either you take him from her or leave him with her. There is no in between here.”
“No grey,” I whispered, a sinking feeling in my chest.
“That’s right,” Gus said. “No grey. These aren’t the choices you’ll want to make but you’ll have to make them. Can you go on your way and let Sophia have him?”
“No!” Camden cried out, attracting a few looks from the patrons around us. He quickly shot them a sheepish look and then lowered his voice, shaking his head. “No. I can’t. She wasn’t a very good mother before. That’s when all our problems started. When she was on drugs and never at home. Now I know she’s involved with her brothers. She’s part of that gang. Fuck, she used Ben, her son, our son, to lure me in, to get money, to hand me over to her brothers. They were going to kill me, in front of him if they could. It’s made me sick every time I think about where he is right now, and what he’s doing. I can’t let him grow up in that life. I won’t let that happen.”
“Then you’ve made your choice,” Gus told him solemnly. “If you can’t let him stay with her, if you can’t say goodbye to him, then you must take him. And we will help you. You can’t do this on your own.”
Camden put his head in his hands, his knee bouncing up and down.
“Baby,” I said softly, and put my hand on his jumping knee. “You’re not doing this alone. Even if it seems impossible, even if it doesn’t feel like a choice you want to make, you have to do this if you want him back. Ben deserves to be with you, Camden. Someone with a big heart, a father who will do anything for his child. That’s what you are. You have that in you to give and Ben is a lucky boy that you’re his dad. You’re giving him the future he needs.”
Camden turned his head to the side, glancing at me with damp eyes. “And you’re the future I need.”
I leaned over and kissed him, sweetly, slowly, then blushed once Gus cleared his throat, reminding us he was there.
I pulled back, smiling to myself and had a good long sip of the margarita, gazing out at the ocean. I wondered if Camden still wanted to go to Gualala, that beach town he dreamed of, his personal paradise. I wondered if I was his future, if that’s where we could build a home, build a life. Me, him and Ben. Gus too. And maybe, just maybe, a child of our own.
I was getting ahead of myself – wasn’t I? – and Camden sighed, bringing my focus back to the problem at hand. If Ben was in our future, how did we get him?
“It’s just that kidnapping a child,” Camden murmured, voice barely audible, “I can’t imagine how I’d live with that.”
“You’re doing it for the right reasons,” I said. “That’s how.”
His knee started bouncing again. “But how do we pull it off without hurting Ben?”
That was the problem. I licked the salt off my lips and sat back in my chair, thinking. “Ben knows you’re his father. Right?” He nodded. I went on, “He trusts you then. He’s young. Kids are impressionable. I couldn’t tell you the things that were probably done to me when I was young, the ways I was used for bait, to con people, to steal, and I don’t even remember.”
“It won’t be easy but Ellie’s right,” Gus said. “Obviously we don’t want to make a scene or do anything that would endanger or mentally damage the boy. But I think if we take him, in the right way, and if you can find a way to face your guilt that I have no doubt you’ll feel for some time, he can grow up with no damage. He’ll be resilient. And he’ll have the life he needs.”
Camden looks up, face newly determined. “So when do we do this?”
Gus scratched at his mustache. “We find Sophia. We stake out her place. We start planning our moves. The three of us, we can do this together. We can do it quickly. No fuss. In and out. It might take a few weeks for everything to roll into place.”
“We don’t have a few weeks,” Camden moaned.
“Camden,” Gus said sternly. “You have a few weeks. A few weeks is nothing compared to a lifetime of being together – or not being together. My god, you and Ellie are both as impatient as Chihuahuas. No wonder you belong together.”
Camden and I exchanged a coy look. We did belong together. We all did.
Once dinner was over, we made our way back to the small hotel we were staying at, right on the beach. Gus retired to his room, said he wanted to continue watching this Telemundo show he got hooked on when he was being held hostage, and Camden grabbed my hand, leading me to the sand and crashing waves. The moon was in a perfect quarter, its reflection shining on the black-blue water.
He brought me to the ocean’s edge and stood behind me, wrapping his warm arms around me.
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “Every minute that goes by, you fill my heart. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Ellie. I’ve been so close to losing you.”
I gripped his hands over my stomach and leaned back into him, my head settling into the crook of his arms, and let that beautifully light feeling sink into me. “I love you. You have me. I think, deep down, you always did, even when I didn’t know it.”
We stood like that for quite some time, our feet in the cool, soft sand, just watching the waves crash, the stars shining, the moon so far, so close, so constant. Every night it appeared, no matter where in the world we were, even hidden by clouds, it was still there.
“You’re my moon,” I said quietly.
“Then you’re my earth.”
He turned me around, ever so mindful of my leg, and kissed me deeply. It was a kiss that reached right into you, stirred you around until you were effervescent and sparkling and deliriously happy. It was soft, warm lips and silken, skilled tongue. It made you hungry and thirsty and longing for more, for it to go on forever, satisfying yet insatiable. It turned me on, flipped the switch, awakened the passion that wouldn’t stop until we could fully devour each other. It was a kiss of the earth and the moon, all gravity and pull, a prelude to many forevers.
I don’t know how long we made out like that, just feeding from the love and the lust that we could only consume from one another, me surrendering in his arms, his arms that kept me close and kept me safe. Finally he pulled away and rubbed his thumb over my lips.
“I’d suggest sex on the beach,” he said, his voice husky, my mouth feeling empty without his. “But I think the two of us deserve a bed for once.”
That, and sex on the beach was highly overrated.
He bent down and picked me up in his arms. I let out a small laugh, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face below his ear. I breathed in his smell, absolutely intoxicating, and let him carry me all the way to our hotel room where he lay me down on the white, shabby-chic bedspread.
This was the first time we’d really been alone, been intimate, since we left the compound. I had something to tell him, but I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. I loved him beyond all doubt and I knew the man loved me. I knew we were the moon and the earth and each other’s future, revolving and evolving. But I was still scared to tell him what I knew, tell him what I wanted.
He bent over me, hands at the drawstring on my pants, but I pushed him back, hand on his chest and said, “I’m always getting naked first. Drop your clothes.”
Camden grinned wickedly and I bit my lip in anticipation, leaning back on my elbows to watch.
He took off his wifebeater first, the tats on his stomach and chest now on full display, then slowly started to unbutton his shorts.
“Are you doing a striptease?” I asked playfully.
“I’m stripping and I’m teasing,” he answered as he very deliberately rolled the zipper down before looping his thumbs on the waistband and inching them off. Bit by bit, until the ink faded into the hard Vs of hip bones and I saw the hard, glistening tip of his erection appear, flush to his pelvis.
He let the shorts drop and he took my breath away.
“Derek never got me any briefs,” he explained, as if I cared that he was going commando. Fuck me, he was a man who would never stop giving me the chills. I’d never seen a cock so large and beautiful as the one on Camden McQueen. My man. My moon. My everything.
He slowly walked toward the bed, growing larger as he came closer, so tall, so strong, so ready for me. His eyes held assurance and lust, drive and desire. He knew what he looked like, he knew what he was offering me, his perfect body and his perfect soul.
