As much as Isabelle wanted Grant to stay, she knew he wouldn’t. And when he left, he’d feel guilty for walking away from the kids and the problems they had yet to face. She didn’t want that for him. She loved him and wanted him to move on with his life and be happy. She loved him enough to respect his choices. Because of that, she had to ask him to leave. Now, before she no longer could.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Grant heard Isabelle’s light footsteps behind him. He pulled a glass from the cupboard and asked her, “Want one?”
“Sure.”
He filled glasses with ice and poured them both a soda.
“We need to talk,” she told him.
Conversations that started with that phrase never went well. He let out a small, resigned sigh and sat down at the table. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make things harder on Rachel.”
“She’s talking now, which is better than before. It will make things easier on her when she sees the therapist tomorrow.”
He pushed her soda across the table, being careful not to touch her hand. He wanted to touch her so badly—to pull her into his arms and hold her. If he touched her even a little and felt her soft skin against his, his resolve would snap. He’d pull her against him, and although he’d only mean to comfort her, he’d want more.
Grant didn’t want to be selfish. Not with Isabelle. He’d be a good boy and keep his distance.
“Okay, then why do I feel like I’m in trouble, being asked to stay after class?” he asked.
Isabelle gripped her glass hard and stared at the table. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
Shocked outrage rocked him, making his body tense up. She wanted him to leave? He’d tried so hard to do everything right, and she still wanted him to leave?
Grant’s jaw clenched until he could swear he heard teeth crack. It took him a moment to speak, but when he did, his words were clipped. “You still need me. You can’t do this all by yourself.”
“I can take care of two kids by myself. Women do it every day.”
“Amanda will be coming to stay here soon. Then you’ll have two kids—both of whom are messed up right now—and a woman who needs lots of care. Are you going to try to work and do all that, too?”
“I’m going to take some time off work to take care of her. And Keith offered to come every day for a few hours and help out.”
Grant bit back a scathing comment about just how he thought Keith wanted to help her. That was just his jealousy talking, and no matter how much Isabelle hurt him, she didn’t deserve to see that ugly side of him.
“Why?” he demanded. “Why get rid of me now?”
“I’m not getting rid of you at all.”
“Yes, you are, and I think I have a right to know why.”
Isabelle rubbed her eyes, suddenly looking more tired than she had since the poison had hit her. Grant had to clench his hands together to keep from reaching out to her.
She clearly didn’t want that from him anymore.
“Rachel is getting attached to you,” she said.
“So? Don’t you think she deserves a little adult comfort right now? If she feels safe with me, what harm could there be in that?”
“The harm will happen when you leave.”
“I’ll stay as long as I need to.”
Why not? He had no place else to go now. He didn’t want to go back into the army, and he no longer had a job waiting for him. He could go hang around with David or Caleb, but he’d just be in the way. They had their wives now. They didn’t need him.
Isabelle’s eyes brightened with frustration. “You’ll stay until she’s eighteen? Until she’s through college? Are you going to be the one to walk her down the aisle when she marries? She needs permanence right now. Stability.”
“And I’m not stable?”
“Your life is in Colorado. Why are you acting like it’s not?”
He looked at the table. She didn’t know he’d lost his job, and that’s the way he wanted it. He didn’t want her to know he was just another unemployed, homeless loser. He wanted her to remember him as a better man than that. “You’re right. My life isn’t here. I should just move on before I make things harder.”
Isabelle laid her hand on his wrist. Grant flinched and barely restrained himself from turning his hand over so he could feel the slide of her fingers over more sensitive skin. That would be the same thing as torturing himself, and he didn’t need to help any in that department.
“You’ll always be welcome back,” she told him in a voice so sweet it made his throat tighten. “Any time you want to come for a visit.”
He gave a harsh bark of mocking laughter. No sense in letting her believe in some fairy tale between them. He knew once he was gone, she’d move on with her life, even if she didn’t know it yet. “Yeah. I can just see it now. Me sleeping on the couch while you and whatever man you end up with lie in bed together down the hall. Thanks, but no thanks. If you want me to leave now, I will, but I think it’s best if we just cut our ties.”
She squeezed his wrist. “I won’t ever do that, Grant. You’re part of my life.”
“Not a big enough one to matter.” He jerked away from her and pushed away from the table, making the chair legs scrape loudly against the floor.
“Please don’t do this, Grant.”
“Do what? I’m just doing what you asked me to— leaving.”