She slid her fingers beneath his sweater, shoving it up so he’d know she wanted it off. Instead of giving her the space to strip him bare, he held her pinned by her shoulders to the wall and took a long step back.
A stain of lust darkened his cheeks and his lips were shiny from hers. His nostrils flared wide and his face twisted in a grimace of pain. “We cannot do this.”
Her throat was tight as she fought the need to shut him up and get his mouth on hers where it belonged. “Why?”
“Because it’s wrong.”
“It felt right.”
He squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to gather his control. “You’re meant for another.”
“Meant? The only person I’m meant for is the one I pick. And right now, I pick you.”
He shook his head and stepped back out of her reach. “No. I can’t allow myself to do this.”
“Do what?”
“To . . . feel strongly for you. My job is to see you safely in the arms of another. That is all.”
She ignored the fact that he didn’t get to decide she was meant for anyone and focused on the more important issue. “You want me. You can’t deny that,” she said, her voice rough with budding anger.
“I must deny it. Please. Don’t test me again.”
His rejection hurt, which pissed her off. She didn’t know him well enough to allow him to hurt her. Why should she care so much if he didn’t want to be with her? She hardly knew him. Just because he made her feel good didn’t mean he’d done it on purpose. For all she knew that was an involuntary action on his part—a package deal with all the bloodsucking.
Sadly, whether he should be able to hurt her didn’t matter. He had.
Her tone came out flippant and snippy. “Fine. But you stay the hell away from me, understand?”
“I wish I could. It would be easier for both of us. But I made you a promise, and I intend to see it fulfilled.”
“I don’t need your help, Logan. Just go on with your life and let me do the same.”
He reached out as if to touch her, but pulled his hand back before he could. “I’m going to help you. And you will help me. We struck a bargain, and we will both fulfill our ends.”
He walked out of her room, but she didn’t follow him. If he didn’t want her, fine. She had enough self-respect not to chase after him.
Chapter 16
Synestryn kept attacking until sunrise, drawn by the dead woman’s blood. Iain finished off the last of them and wiped his sword on the fur of the closest one. Exhaustion hung heavy on his frame, but at least some of the pain had eased. He felt like he could think straight for the first time in days.
Paul held Andra close, supporting her weight over the icy ground. Blood, severed limbs, and twisted bodies were everywhere. Little droplets of black blood froze along blades of grass, clinging like chunks of malignant coal. It was going to take at least an hour for the sun to burn away so much filth.
“You okay?” asked Paul. He was breathing hard and each breath froze as it hit the air.
“Fine,” said Iain.
Paul nodded. “I need to refuel. We’ll be inside in a few minutes.”
The couple shuffled off to find a clean patch of ground that wasn’t covered in blood. Paul could draw strength from the earth and feed it to Andra, who looked like she could use about a week’s vacation.
Iain left them to it and went inside to check on the kid. As soon as he opened the door, he was met with the muzzle of a .45. Again.
Jackie had a baby in one hand and a revolver in the other. A fierce expression twisted her mouth and made her gray eyes stand out.
Iain waited there, giving her time to realize who he was. Slowly, recognition registered and she lowered the weapon.
Her whole body seemed to sag as if the life had drained out of her. Her face was pale and she was shaking like crazy. She weaved on her feet and Iain was sure she was going to drop the baby on his head.
He reached for the child and that gun came right back up.
“Whoa.” He held his hands up. “Just trying to help.”
“Your clothes. You stink of them. Go wash.”
Iain looked down and sure enough, there were a few places on the front of his shirt where their blood had burned holes through the fabric. His coat had hung open, and the magic shielding on his leather coat hadn’t been able to protect the fabric.
“Be right back. The fight’s over. Sun’s up. Relax.”
He cleaned up, changed shirts, and came back out. The woman hadn’t relaxed. Not even close. She was still armed, watching out the windows, moving from one to the next as if something was going to jump out at them.
“They won’t come for us in the daylight,” he assured her.
“I’m not taking any chances.”
“Except you’re holding a gun and a baby and shaking so hard I’m surprised you haven’t shot your own foot off.”
She ignored him.
“How about you set the gun down.”
She turned then, and something in her face pulled at him, making him take a step closer. There was a vulnerability there—one that didn’t belong. From all accounts, this woman had spent years in a Synestryn nest, and not only had she survived, but several of the others they’d rescued that night had reported that Jackie was the reason they were still alive. She’d protected them as much as she was able, finding them food and warmth when there was none to be had.
She swallowed, her eyes pleading. “I can’t set it down. My hand won’t let go.”
He looked at her hand. Her knuckles were white. Tendons stood out, stretched to the limit. She’d been gripping it so hard for so long her hand had probably gone numb.
Iain moved toward her slowly. He really didn’t want his head blown off because he made a sudden move around an armed, skittish woman.
“I’m going to help, okay?”
“I don’t want you to touch me.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Something happens when your kind touches me. I don’t like it.”
“Fine. Then give me the baby.”
“No. I don’t trust you. I’ll keep him safe.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and stepped close enough he could loom over her. “The gun or the baby. I’m taking one of them. Your choice.”
A helpless kind of vulnerability settled over her expression for an instant before she banished it. She squared her shoulders and slowly lifted her arm toward him. It was the one holding the gun.
Iain nodded, accepting her choice, engaged the safety, and started prying her fingers away from the grip. The instant he touched her skin his luceria began to hum. The gaping hole in his chest where his soul had been before it died seemed to shrink. His monster—the dark, dangerous creature that had started growing inside him the day his soul had died—was lulled to sleep, and until now he hadn’t realized just how much control the beast had stolen from him. For the briefest second, he remembered what it was like to feel things deeply. Good things, not just anger and fear.
The baby grunted, and rather than coldly calculating the odds of his survival, Iain felt something. Some connection. He . . . cared.
The feeling rattled him so much his heart started pounding hard and he broke out in a sweat.
“See?” she said, her voice tight and strained.
“Oh yeah.”
“Please hurry.”
Iain did as she asked and made quick work of loosening her grip enough to ease the weapon away. Her hand was curved into the shape of a claw, and without thinking, he massaged it, rubbing all the delicate muscles so they’d start working again.
Jackie stared at him, but she didn’t pull her hand away. She let him ease her, which somehow served to ease him as well.
His luceria trembled at his throat and finger, but he could detect no colors swirling in its pale depths. All the color had been leeched away by time and the decay of his soul. His lifemark was bare. His soul was dead. And no matter how excited the luceria got, there was nothing Jackie could do to save him.
He was already dead. His body just hadn’t caught up with his soul yet, because he wouldn’t let it. There was too much work left to do. He couldn’t leave yet. His brothers needed him.
Jackie tugged her hand away and shook it. “Thank you.”
With her touch gone, the ragged emptiness in his chest opened up again. The monster roared back to life, thrashing around within Iain’s head. He had to grit his teeth and lock his knees to keep from staggering back in pain.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he lied. He was good at lying. It was the only thing keeping him and the Band of the Barren alive. “We should go as soon as Paul and Andra get back. We need to get the kid to Dabyr where he’ll be safe. And I need to bury his mother.”
“His mother?”
“She died in childbirth.”
Sadness painted Jackie’s face. “That happens a lot with their babies.”
“Whose babies?”
“The Synestryn.”
A quiet rage seeped in, filling him from his feet up. “That’s not a Synestryn baby.”
“Yes, it is.”
He shook his head in denial. “No. It’s not. It can’t be.”
“Look at his eyes.”
Iain leaned over. The baby was awake, staring up at him. His eyes were blue. “What about them?”
“Give it a second.”
He kept staring, his hand on his sword. He did not want to kill this child.
Then he saw it. A black plume of movement swirled in the boy’s eyes, tainting the iris.
Iain stumbled back. “No.”
Jackie frowned in confusion. “I thought you knew. I thought you’d found him in one of the caves.”
He shook his head, his belly filling with acid. The baby had seemed so human. So perfect. He’d cared for it, cuddled it. And now he had to kill it. “Give it to me.”
Jackie turned away, shielding the child with her body. “No.”
“It has to die.”
“You asshole! You’d kill him because of who his father was?”
“It. I’d kill it. That’s my job.”
She picked up the gun again, and stared at him with a look so feral he was certain she’d use it on him. “It’s a job you don’t have to do. None of their babies survive. None of them. He’ll last a day. Maybe two. That’s all he gets and there’s no way in hell I’m letting you take even one second of that away from him.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I’ve seen it over and over. I wish I didn’t, but I do.” Pain radiated out from her, so strong Iain could feel it bombarding his skin. Whatever she’d been through, it had been bad. She’d witnessed horrible things. They all had. But that didn’t change his duty.
“I can’t let it live.”
“I will kill you if I have to,” she warned him, leveling the weapon. “He’s innocent. You’re clearly not. There’s no question for me about who should live and who should die here.”
Iain didn’t dare test her. He knew she wasn’t bluffing. He could see her firm resolve in her stance, in her face. She would pull that trigger.