She’d killed a child tonight. And tomorrow, she was going to have to hunt for more and kill them, too.
“Don’t think about it right now. Later, after you’ve rested, you’ll see things more clearly.”
They neared their suite and the lock opened for Angus. He nodded to the camera outside their door—a silent thanks to Nicholas, who was undoubtedly the one on the other end.
“None of this makes sense,” she told her husband as he set her down on their bed.
“Of course not. We’re all too tired to make any sense of it. Let it go tonight. Tomorrow we’ll figure out what needs to be done.”
“I need a bath.” She sounded desperate, but she had to wash the smell of that child’s burning flesh from her hair.
“Okay, love. I’ll run one for you. Stay put.”
Gilda couldn’t support her weight enough to stay upright. She slumped onto the pillows and felt tears slide over her temple, soaking into the covers. Her eyes stung and she knew they were probably bloodshot from the amount of power she’d channeled tonight.
At least Angus wouldn’t know she’d cried. She loved him too much to make him suffer through her tears.
The fall of water splashing into the tub filled the quiet and helped block out the echoes of those small screams.
She couldn’t do that again. Not ever. She’d lost too many of her own babies over the centuries to take another from some other mother. Even she was not that cruel.
The Synestryn had finally won. They’d found a way to protect their progeny from the Sentinels by giving them human faces.
If she hadn’t seen it for herself, she never would have believed it.
“The bath is ready,” said Angus. His strong body was outlined by the light from the bathroom. Even after all these centuries, he was still as strong and steady as he’d been when she first met him.
She still didn’t understand why he loved her. She’d done so many horrible things. Tonight was just one more.
“Stop it,” said Angus in the tone he used to command the Theronai. “We did the right thing tonight. I won’t have you killing yourself with guilt.”
Despite his harsh tone, his fingers were gentle as they undid the row of buttons down the front of her gown. She’d have to burn the gray silk. She’d never be able to wear it again without thinking of what she’d done wearing it tonight.
Angus stripped her naked, then did the same for himself. His lean body was roped with muscles, and even though he had more gray hair now, more scars, he was still beautiful to her.
He picked her up again and headed for the bathroom. “That’s right,” he whispered. “You just think about the good things for now. We’re together. We love each other. We’re safe and healthy and surrounded by friends.”
“How can you do that? How can you always see the good in things?”
He settled them into the big tub together, holding her close so her weak body wouldn’t slip under the water. “Because I have you. All the rest of the world could fall away and as long as I still had you, I’d count myself lucky.”
He was too good for her, but she’d always known that. It was only one of her many secrets.
Maybe it was time to tell him about her betrayal. If anyone was capable of forgiving her, it was Angus.
If.
That was the problem. Without him, she’d be lost. As selfish as it was, she couldn’t risk that. She needed him too much. She’d driven everyone else she loved away.
Gilda reinforced the door on that secret part of her mind, making sure it was tightly locked and barred so he’d never see—never even suspect it was there. She’d do anything to take back what she’d done, but it was too late for that. She was going to have to live with it—one more mistake to add to the list of unforgivable ones she’d made. There were so many, she wished she’d lose count, but she never did. She remembered every one of them.
“Good news,” said Paul from the doorway. “Sibyl has agreed to see you.”
Andra closed her eyes and gave a quick prayer of thanks. She kissed Nika’s head and eased off the bed.
Paul was shirtless, and the sight of all those masculine ridges made her heart pound. It didn’t matter that she’d had him only a few hours ago. She wanted more. She probably always would.
“Do you think she can help?” asked Andra.
“It’s possible.”
Grace had been knitting in the corner of the room for hours, but her needles stopped then. She kept her eyes lowered when she spoke. “I’ve heard about some of the things Sibyl knows. She’s amazing, my lady. I’m sure she’ll be able to help Nika.”
Andra wanted to hug Grace for being so sweet. She might be timid and shy, but she wasn’t going to let it get in the way of lending someone else comfort. “Thank you, Grace.”
She blushed and her needles started moving again, though not as smoothly as before.
“Let’s take a walk,” said Paul, obviously wanting to talk to her. “Grace can hold down the fort, right?”
“Yes, sir.”
Andra nodded and followed him outside. Dawn was just starting to make the faintest glow against the eastern horizon. The rest of the sky was filled with stars.
Paul was oddly quiet, almost somber. And he wasn’t touching her, which wasn’t like him at all.
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
He looked like he didn’t want to talk. His jaw was bunched, but he finally gave up the fight. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have done what I did to you last night. It was inexcusable.”