We walked down the slippery dock past leftover fish guts, missing planks, and barnacled hulls until we came to Whiz’s boat. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a shit heap like the rest of the boats seemed to be. It was just a small boat with seats and a tiny cabin at the front that had just enough room for a bed. I shuddered internally. I was glad Ada never got to see this place.
We climbed in, covered ourselves and the camera with ponchos (with Whiz driving, I now knew staying dry wasn’t going to be easy) and roared out of the harbor at such a speed that some old man on the docks was waving his fist at us and yelling at us to slow down.
Once we were out of the bay and into the open ocean, things got wild and fast. I was hanging onto my seat for dear life while Dex had to repeatedly yell at Whiz to take us down a few knots. With each wave we hit, the wetter we got. If Dex’s camera was going to get damaged from this, of all things, there would be hell to pay.
Finally, Whiz got the hint. Or rather, Matt took over the wheel and let Whiz and Tony finish the rest of the rum. The boat slowed to a comfortable enough speed that Dex was able to start shooting the shoreline.
We were quite a ways off from the lighthouse, but the pounding grey waves, bustling white surf, and stretches of pastureland and beaches were quite photogenic. And on the other side of us off on the horizon was the faded speck that was the Tillamook Lighthouse. Terrible Tilly.
I pulled the poncho tighter around me. I felt miserably damp and just a tiny bit seasick with each lurch of the boat. To turn my mind off of it, I watched Dex as he lined up the shots, adjusted his camera and panned around us.
“Are you going to need me to be in the shots?” I asked above the roar of the motor. Not that I was filming material at the moment with my damp, matted hair and garbage bag-type attire, but I could have used something to do to keep from throwing up. Funny how I’d never gotten seasick before.
“I think I’m good,” he said, keeping his eye on the viewfinder. “These will probably just have some narration over them later.”
He gave me a quick, curious look. “Are you OK?”
I was about to answer when Whiz decided to shove the bottle of rum underneath my nose.
“This will fix you up!” he yelled, slurring already.
Well, that was enough to get me to move. I got up to my feet unsteadily, as the boat rocked all over the place, and made my way to the back.
“Hey, careful,” Dex said, grabbing my arm to steady me. I motioned for him to let me go. I felt uncomfortably close to vomiting.
I walked to the opposite edge of the boat, where the Pacific stretched to meet the matching sky, and went down on my knees.
“She’s gonna hurl!” Whiz yelled from the front.
“Shut the fuck up,” I heard Dex tell him.
“You OK, Perry?” Matt asked, ignoring the two.
I motioned for them to just stop talking and leave me alone and concentrated on not losing my lunch over the side.
The bottom of the boat soaked my knees, but I didn’t care. I gripped the edge with my hands and put my head over until all I could see was the sloshing grey surf beneath me.
The guys were all yammering on about something, but somehow my brain was cooperating with me and slowly drowning them out, like my ears had a dimmer switch.
I kept my focus on the churning ocean, concentrating on the myriad of muted, cold colors and the shapes the creamy seafoam was creating with each crest and fall. The waves of nausea continued to pass through me though. The only thing that felt worse was the uneasiness and panic that also coursed through my veins. I was fearful and I didn’t know what of.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the salt air. The roar of the engine, the boys, and sound of the waves subsided until all I heard was the throbbing of my own heart in my head.
“Perry.”
It was a female voice.
I opened my eyes and looked. All I could see was the ocean.
“Perry,” it said again. It was eerily familiar and coming from in front of me. From the waves.
“Perry, are you OK?”
Could I be hearing things?
I slowly turned and looked at the rest of the boat. Dex’s back was to me, still filming the land and the lighthouse, which was now coming into view. Matt was focused on driving while Whiz was yapping to him about something. Tony seemed to be paying attention to him while eyeing me in his peripheral vision.
“Perry, help me,” I heard the voice say again from the direction of the water. My eyes widened and heart slowed. I had no choice but to look back over the edge of the boat.
In the water, it looked like something dark was moving beneath the waves. At first it looked like a passing shadow of a crest, or manipulation by a white cap. But the more I stared, the more I could make out something.
Was it an arm? It moved like one.
Then fingertips. I could see a hand just below the water’s surface.
I tried to scream, to say anything, to move. But I couldn’t. I could only watch a hand reach out of the water, turning from a watery shadow to a physical object. It was shades of green and white, but it was real, with blue veins running up the arm.
And then the arm was joined by another, like a headless person was treading water. I was riveted to the spot where the head should be. I could see the swirling shadows beneath it.
One of the hands started wagging a finger at me. I casually recognized the blue nailpolish on its finger. I had that same shade.
Still gripping the edge with my hands, I slowly got to my knees until I was standing right above and peering down at the body.
The head broke through the water.
It was me.
I was looking at myself floating in the water, eyeing myself down with dead, glassy eyes that streamed green fluid.
“Save me, Perry,” she said. My mouth dropped open. I felt like my body was going through a freefall. My mind reeled.
And before I could react, she lunged out of the water and grabbed hold of my poncho with both hands.
I let out a scream that shook my bones to their marrow and was pulled forward over the railing of the boat.
The water rushed up to greet me, turning black before it was about to swallow me into its depths.
Then I was grabbed from behind and pulled back up, just as my face could have kissed the waves.
I fell backwards into the boat. Someone caught me.
“Perry!” they yelled and the boat came to a full stop, throwing me further into the person.
It was Tony. He was gripping me hard from behind with both hands, while Dex had his hands on my shoulder, gently shaking me. It literally felt like forever before my eyes could actually focus on him.
“Jesus,” Dex swore, his eyes a mix of being worried and being pissed off.
“What just happened?” I asked, my breath finally coming back into my body.
I looked over at Whiz and Matt, who were watching me from the helm, looking more afraid than concerned.
“I think you had another incident, Perry,” Tony said quietly.
Dex gave Tony a sharp look but I ignored him. What had happened?
I turned to look back at the water. The waves rushed past as they always had. There was nothing there.
“You didn’t see her in the water?” I asked meekly, knowing how crazy that made me sound.
“See who?” Dex said. Tony let go of my arms and Dex pulled me in a little closer to him. “Who was in the water?”
I shook my head. “Forget it.”
“Seeing things again,” Matt spoke up.
“Shut up, Matt,” I said. Though frankly, it was kind of true.
I thought Dex would have jumped all over what he said, but he appeared to let it slide. “We were calling for you. You were just staring over at the water. I’m guessing you didn’t hear us.”
I nodded in agreement. I was feeling stupider by the minute.
He sighed and led me over to the seats. He snapped his fingers at Matt. “I think we should head back now. Do you have a lifejacket? Maybe a blanket or something?”
Tony disappeared into the cabin and came out with a lifejacket that Dex attempted to put on me.
“For your safety,” he said in all seriousness.
“Phfff,” I tried to swat him away. “I’m not a baby.”
Nonetheless, I was freaked out to my very being and let him put the jacket on me. Then he wrapped a smelly plaid blanket over me and the boat was heading back to shore.
“Guess you shoulda had some rum after all,” Whiz joked.
It didn’t sound like such a bad idea anymore. My mind was having trouble processing the events that anything to just shut it all down would be welcome.
We rode back in silence for most of the trip until Tony tapped me on the shoulder.
“Hey, do you still see that shrink?” he asked. It was a dicey question but his voice sounded innocent, like he was just curious. It didn’t mean I wanted to talk about my meetings with Dr. Freedman, our family psychologist.
“He wasn’t my shrink; he was my whole family’s shrink,” I said calmly as if it wasn’t a big deal.
“He was only there cuz of you,” Tony pointed out.
“Hey, bro!” Matt warned from the wheel. “Not the time or place to talk about it.”
Tony shrugged. “Sorry. It’s just, if you are seeing things again, maybe you should give him a call.”
“Seeing things again?!?” I repeated rather viciously. I had no clue what he was talking about.
I looked over at Dex and rolled my eyes to indicate it was all bullshit. Dex didn’t look too convinced.
“You’ve seen things before? What kinds of things?” Dex asked.
I sighed. “I haven’t. I wasn’t.” I looked at the twins. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tony.”
“Dad said you were sick. Like crazy, and that your parents were freaking out, like, almost going to commit you or—”
“Drugs, Tony. It was just drugs,” I spat at him defensively.
“Drugs?” Dex and Whiz said in unison.
“Oh, like anyone on this boat is one to talk,” I said. “So I did some drugs in high school. Everyone does.”
“Not everyone goes to a shrink because of them,” Matt countered.
“I did,” Whiz said. The first valuable thing he’d said so far.
“See,” I said. “Parents freak out. I was a big pain in the butt. I was an idiot, what can I say? But that’s in the past. It’s all fine now. I’m fine.”
No one looked convinced except Whiz, who went back to not caring. Dex looked the least convinced of all. He kept staring at me trying to figure me out, trying to read my thoughts.
I leaned back in my seat and rolled my head towards him. “Look. I’m tired. And sometimes you see things when you’re tired. You should know that by now.”
After all, it was only that morning that we were both faced with the impossibility that is Creepy Clown Lady. What was the difference?
And what if I wasn’t seeing things? What if I really had seen someone in the water? A ghost of myself. Was that even possible?
Dex chewed on his lip for a few counts, holding my eye contact, before saying, “Are you sure you can handle this?”
“What the fuck?!” I swore. I surprised myself and everyone else on the boat. Even Dex was taken aback.