“Oh come on, Dex,” she said, throwing her arm around him and leading him to the cab. “We’re on your side. Always have been. Now get in, pisshead.”
She opened the cab door and pushed him lightly. Then Emily followed. Rebecca looked at me and said, “I’ll take the front. Get in, Perry.”
I did as she said. It was weird to have Emily between Dex and me, but at the same time it left a bit of needed distance. It gave me time to compose my thoughts. That was until Dex passed the bottle of Jager across Emily and straight to me.
I took it and downed a shot against my better judgment. It didn’t even burn anymore. Either I was drunk or my whole body was on fire, inside and out. Maybe it was both.
“Trying to get her drunk, Dex?” Rebecca asked from the front seat, eyeing us briefly.
“Hey, no drinking in the cab,” the driver admonished.
“Oh, relax, we’re dropping them off first,” she said, placing her smooth hand on the cabbie’s shoulder.
I gave the bottle to Emily, sank back in my seat and turned my focus to the window. Seattle looked so different in the snowfall. The urban grit was replaced by a picture postcard scene. In the morning it would probably be all grey slush, but in the evening it was pristine. There was barely anyone around and the buildings looked like icicles rising from the ground. The orange glow that the streetlights scattered on the snow looked less garish and gave off almost a warm, homey feel. Maybe everything was looking better because I just had one of the best nights of my life. Maybe it looked pure because I could still taste the somehow inoffensive taste of Nicorette, Jack Daniels and cigarettes on my lips, could feel his hands on my thighs.
Everything had changed. Everything was going to change. This wasn’t some sexual encounter in the woods. The whole week had been building up to this moment. As Rebecca hinted at, it had to happen. If not, just so I could get it over with. So I could stop wanting him every five minutes. So I could just let it all out.
I breathed out slowly, my breath fogging up the window. I felt Emily’s small hand on my bare knee. I looked at her and smiled quickly, then looked at Dex. He was leaning against the cab window, holding the bottle now, looking like he was passed out.
As soon as the cab stopped in front of his apartment, though, he straightened up instinctively. He leaned forward, thanked the cabbie and handed over the cab fare before anyone could protest.
“Talk to you soon,” he said, patting Rebecca on the shoulder and giving a quick wave to Emily, and exited the cab. I looked at the girls in surprise.
“Well, I guess…thank you for-”
“Perry,” Rebecca said slowly. She eyed the cabbie. He sighed and put the car into park, knowing this could be a long girly convo.
“Perry,” she resumed. “Let’s do lunch tomorrow, OK? I think we’ll have a lot to talk about. I assume we will. Am I right?”
“I hope so,” I said quietly.
She gave me a quick smile. “I thought so. Go get ‘em, tiger.”
I laughed at that and said goodbye to Emily, too, giving her a quick hug.
I got out of the cab. Dex was already down by the main doors, waiting for me.
I joined his side. The cab honked twice and we both turned in unison to wave.
He produced his keycard and the door buzzed open. He held the door for me but didn’t touch me as I passed him and strode into the tiled lobby.
I walked to the elevators. He pushed the button. We got in. Neither of us had said a word. As the elevator went up, we stood beside each other in awkward silence. I even stared at him, blatantly, hoping for something, anything. He just put his hands in his pockets and stared up at the ceiling, letting out his breath in slow stages.
When we reached the floor, we walked down the hall to the apartment.
He unlocked the door and I stepped in. I expected to hear Fat Rabbit scratching at the bathroom door but he must have been asleep. It was silent.
“Jenn?” Dex called out tentatively. There was no answer, though it sounded like the dog stirred a bit. As he locked the door behind him, I walked over to the kitchen counter and leaned against it, easing off both of my shoes.
I moved the shoes over with my feet. I could sense Dex behind me. The tension was unbearable. I could hear him kick off his own shoes and then take off his suit jacket. He flung the jacket forward so it ended up in the living room.
Then he walked toward me, the sound of his feet steady on the floor. I remained still, leaning forward against the counter, my breath caught in my throat. I was afraid to move, afraid to breathe.
He stopped right behind me. His presence, his energy, was overwhelming. He reached over and picked my hair off of my shoulders and pushed it to the side of me. I quivered a bit at his touch.
I felt him lean closer and lay his lips on the back of my neck where the welt was. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his hot kiss. He moved a bit over, placing one hand gently on my right arm and moved his lips along the ridge of my shoulders. It sent actual shivers down my spine, shivers I couldn’t contain. I kept my eyes tightly shut, trying to regain the slightest bit of composure while he was working away at unraveling my nerves.
His lips came down to my shoulder and then back up again. He reached over and tucked his fingers underneath the line of my jawbone and gently moved my head to the side in a slow, excruciating attempt to have me face him.
He leaned in closer, his chest pressed up against my back, and brought my face to the side, where his lips removed themselves from the curve of my neck and tickled at the side of my mouth.
I couldn’t restrain myself anymore. I turned around to face him and his hands were in my hair and his lips and tongue were on my mouth. It was just as frantic and feverish as before, maybe even more so.
He put his hands around my waist and, in one smooth motion, he lifted me up and placed me on the kitchen counter. I wrapped my legs around him again and brought him as close into me as he would go.
As we made out his hands traveled up my dress, hiking it up around my waist. I throbbed at the idea of being bare in front of him and reached forward. I grabbed both sides of his white dress shirt and ripped it right open, buttons flying everywhere and landing on the kitchen floor like white rain. I had always wanted to do that.
I quickly tore the rest of his shirt off of him and threw it on the ground somewhere. Meanwhile, he had unzipped the back of my dress and his lips were on my breasts. I leaned back, torn between wanting to be in control and wanting to let go. In the end, he decided that for me. He gently pushed me back until my back was flat on the counter; then he worked his way down to my thighs. I shuddered in anticipation as his tongue worked its way up and met me inside with a languid wash of warmth and slickness.
I groaned, my back arching, and for once I didn’t feel a bit self-conscious.
He worked his magic, much like he did on the island, only it was different now. More powerful. More inviting. More destructive.
Just before I felt myself going over the edge, I straightened up and grabbed the top of his head, pulling him up to look at me. He quickly wiped his mouth and asked, “Do you want me to stop?” Through the waves of desire on his face, he looked worried.
I shook my head, trying to find my voice.
“No,” I said breathily. “I want you inside of me. Now.”
Dex raised his eyebrow and stood up straight. He stared at me for a few beats, breathing hard, almost as if he couldn’t believe what I had said. Then he said, “Yes ma’am.”
He quickly undid his pants and I slipped my dress over my head. When we were both done, we were stark-ass naked.
Now, he had seen me naked before. More than once, somehow. But I’d never seen him. So I couldn’t be blamed for taking my time and letting my eyes slide all over his body. I wasn’t disappointed. Just as I thought, he was nothing but all man, more than enough size for his height.
I wrapped my legs around him again and brought him to me. I ran my nails against his chest, tracing his tattoo, then brought his lips to mine. He made sure I was ready again and then guided himself in. The fact that he wasn’t wearing a condom briefly entered my mind but in the heat of the moment, it wasn’t registering.
I put my hands around his shoulders and squeezed him hard as he entered me. It hurt. It had been a while.
“You OK?” he asked, breathing heavily in my ear between lazy moans and licks.
“Yeah,” I answered, wincing only slightly. Soon the pain was gone and he had found his rhythm. We both had. It was seamless, effortless. When I wanted it faster, I dug my nails into the round of his ass and moved him faster. When he wanted it slower, he pulled back and trailed his tongue and lips all over my body.
Throughout all of it, he wanted eye contact. There was barely a moment where I wasn’t looking into his eyes. It was unnerving, but if I looked away, he brought my gaze back to his.
“I need to see you,” he whispered, looking deep into my eyes. It was so personal, and I felt so vulnerable; my first instinct was to keep him out. But in the end I relented. And I watched the range of emotions run across those fathomless irises, watched him battle so many inner demons. It made everything that much more intense, as if it wasn’t already.
After awhile, when his fingers slid their way down to where I was swelling, I was on the verge of total collapse. He knew it too, biting at my lower lip and neck and working his fingertips as he slid in and out of me at a more vigorous pace.
Soon, there was no turning back, for either of us. His breath was shortening too, groaning more often than not.
“Dex,” I cried out softly, trying to warn him. He kept his eyes on me but I had to break free. My head rolled back and my body burst open into a quivering mess of feelings and starshine. Unlike last time, a wave of emotions rode through me. I moaned and cried out his name over and over again, the occasional swear word thrown in there, and that brought him over the edge as well. Both of us were crying out, so loud that Fat Rabbit must have been traumatized in the bathroom, our nails digging into each other, our rocking motion slowing down.
I was left feeling like I was floating above us all. A shimmer seemed to envelope the apartment, bending and swaying at the corner of my eyes. The emotions gripped my throat and teased behind my eyes. I felt like crying. It was too much. I love you, I wanted to cry out. I wanted to let it all out, over and over again.
But I just lay back against the counter and held his head into my chest, trying to catch my breath, trying to return to the world. And despite having gotten it “over with,” my first thought was that I wanted to do that again. Immediately.
After a few minutes, he lifted up his head and looked at me. And the expression on his face…it changed everything. He was looking at me in absolute fear. I thought I had caught that look before on the island, but it was different now. He and Jenn were over, weren’t they? There was nothing left to fear.
He pulled back, straightening up and then pulled out of me.
I reached forward for his arm, to keep him beside me, but he shrugged it off and walked off to the bathroom. I sat up slowly, turning, and watched his naked form disappear.
What the hell was that? I didn’t like that look at all. It gnawed at my heart and made me second-guess everything that had just happened.