I can’t be fixed.
***
“Yeah, I gathered that, asshole, when you left me with your cum still rolling down my legs.” I replay Holly’s words over and over in my head the next morning. After she left the shop yesterday, her words fucked with me all day. I fucked up when I took her against the wall. Even in my reasoning that one time would be enough to get my fill, I knew I was kidding myself. I crossed the line and now I’m dealing with it.
“Hey, brother.” Jesse knocks on my door, pulling me out of the pissed-off Holly rant running through my head. “Nix wants a meet, now,” he says.
“Yep,” I yell, rubbing my hands over my face. “Got it.” I grab my cut and force myself to stop thinking about the past and more importantly, Holly.
Closing the door to my small apartment, I make my way back up to the clubhouse.
I need to get my head clear and stop fucking thinking of her. What is it about this woman? Since I walked out of her house two nights ago, leaving her without a goodbye, I haven’t stopped thinking about her. It wasn’t my intention to fuck her. But the question in her eyes as she stood in front of me, asking what happened to me, made me snap. Her whole attitude when she speaks to me snaps something inside me. Maybe it’s the fact she’s the first woman who isn’t clingy, or hasn’t seen me as a conquest to fix. She looks at me as a challenge on a different level; not one for her to play, but one for her to conquer. I tried to stay away, tried to force myself not to be tempted by her, but now I’ve had a taste, I can’t seem to turn my need for her off.
“Don’t look so excited to see me,” Jesse says as I walk into church.
“Piss off,” I grunt, hitting him over the head. Jesse is the joker of the group. Sometimes, he’s a funny fucker—other times, he just pisses me off.
“What’s crawled up your ass?” he asks as I sit down around the oak wood table. “Let me guess: that hot chick you got working in the shop is giving you blue balls?” He laughs at his own joke. If fucking only.
“Where’s Beau?” Nix growls when he walks into the room, taking his seat at the head of the table.
“Careful, Nix. You’re beginning to sound like Sy,” Beau snickers, coming in behind him.
“We’re all here. Let’s get this shit sorted,” he says, ignoring Beau’s dig. “First up, we have fucking issues with Liquid.” We don’t normally run church like this, but the club is under pressure with shit going down around us. I don’t blame Nix for his anger.
“What issues?” Jesse calls out, the name of his baby grabbing his attention. The man lives and breathes the place, while it only gives Nix a headache.
“I swear to fuckin’ Christ, Jesse, the place is more trouble than it’s worth.”
“Nah, come on, boss man. You don’t mean that.”
“I fuckin’ do. Especially when you’re sleepin’ your way through the fuckin’ waitresses. Keep your dick in your pants from now on,” he warns, and I can’t help but smirk. Jesse keeping his dick in his pants? Yeah, right.
“Who’s bitching now?” He shakes his head, not looking at all surprised.
“Fuckin’ Tammy. You need to sort that shit out, brother. She has a daughter who needs feeding. Don’t be a cockhead. She needs this job,” he warns. Jesse might be a player, but he knows when he needs to step up.
“Right,” Jesse agrees, ending it there and moving on.
“We still have no word on Gunner. T and his boys are keeping an eye out, but I don’t doubt this shit with Kadence was a play, one he will pull again. Until we sort shit out, I want all hands on deck until the fucker is found. Any problems?” Nix asks.
“So, we’re still on babysitting duty?” Beau grumbles, saying what I’m thinking. I don’t have a problem with Kadence, but I need to stay away from Holly. The woman is too dangerous for me.
“You have a problem with it?” Nix asks.
“No problem. Just want to know where we stand here? We’ve worked so hard to keep out of T’s shit. Now some pussy comes along and we’re on meet-ups, taking phone calls with the Warriors. Don’t have to remind you what you’ve lost to get the club to where it is,” he states, and he’s right; we have worked hard to get the club to where it is today, but Nix has claimed Kadence as his, therefore, he will do anything to protect her. Beau knows this.
“You got your feelings hurt ‘cause your boyfriend went and found a woman, Beau?” Jesse calls out.
“Fuck you, Jesse.”
“What is wrong with everyone today?” Jesse asks, looking around the table, but everyone ignores him.
“You call Kadence pussy again, we’re gonna have problems, brother.” Nix slams his fist down on the table.
“I’m just telling it how it is,” Beau says, not ready to step down.
“I don’t give a fuck how it is to you. It is what it is. End of story,” Nix warns and Beau nods, leaving it be, but I know the asshole won’t be easily swayed. He keeps his cards close to his chest and doesn’t trust easily.
“Where are you with the shop?” he asks me, moving on from Beau.
“First day back was busy; closing for a week has put us behind, but we’ve had a few inquiries for the job ad we put out.”
“Any good ones?”
“Yeah, couple came in with some good portfolios. Gonna have them come work a day next week.” The truth is with the success of the shop so far, we could put on two more artists and still be holding our own.