“We’ll see you this afternoon.” I give him one final look before spinning around and walking out.
I hold myself together until I make it halfway down the hallway. Only then do I let out a shaky breath as the day’s first stream of tears come.
Jesus, I’m just a crying mess these days.
I didn’t want to have to do this, but I know if it were me in this situation, I’d want someone stepping in. I know Brooks and this isn’t him. This is a man too caught up in watching his wife sleep the days away, and he’s missing the bigger picture. I’m not going to sit back and allow him to shut down like this. Not like I did, especially when Mia needs him.
If I have learned anything the last month, it is our time is irreplaceable, and it can be taken away in a blink of an eye.
Not only am I going to start living in time, but I will make sure Brooks is there with me.
Mia deserves it.
Kelly deserves it.
I deserve it.
“Just take a deep breath, and relax,” I remind myself two days later as I hear the rumble of Beau’s bike pull into the drive. “You want this. No, you need this.” I place the rope I found in Beau’s draw at the end of the bed.
It’s not like I’m trying to convince myself to do it, because I know I want this, but more to calm my nerves. I’ve been planning and probably overthinking it. We both know it’s been a long time coming; however, with Mia staying with us on and off and the work with the shelter, we’ve had no time.
I hear the front door click open and my body locks.
Shit.
“Kenzie?” Beau’s voice comes down the hall.
“Down here!” My voice shakes with nerves, not believing this is about to happen. His footsteps grow louder along the wooden floor while I take my position.
“What you doing in here, darlin’?” Beau pushes the door open and stops short when he notices me.
“Hi,” I whisper, watching his eyes darken with need, lust and hunger.
“What the fuck you doing, Kenzie?” His Adam’s apple bounces up and down three times before he slowly swallows.
“What does it look like?” I arch my back a little, pushing my breasts out a bit more. I’m fucking nervous, but I’m adamant I won’t let him see it.
He hasn’t moved his body, his eyes traveling from my naked body to the rope at the end of the bed.
“Mackenzie.” He groans, and then takes one step toward me.
“I want this,” I rush out, not wanting him to reject me or stop this. “I need this.” He slowly takes another step toward me, licking his lips in a slow, sensual way. The last couple of days I’ve been going over everything in our relationship, and I didn’t know what was holding me back. Until I realized I never gave Beau full control. It kind of became lost in the mess our life has become.
“Haven’t had my cock in you since Kelly’s accident and you want me to do this?” I can see his apprehension and possible confusion, but I can’t have him second-guessing this. I need the controlling man I fell in love with.
“Beau, I need this. I need you to make me feel. Make this doubt go away.” He drops his cut to the floor and rips his shirt over his head.
Leaving his jeans in place, he takes four large steps to the end of the bed, places his knee to the comforter and crawls up over me.
“Doubt?”
“That I’m not good enough for you.” I hold his stare, willing him to take it away.
“You’re more than enough.”
“I believe you believe it, but I need you to show me.” He closes his eyes and sits back on his heels.
“You sure you want this?” His eyes darken as he looks down at me.
“Never been surer. I’m ready.” He doesn’t reply. Instead, he leans back and reaches for the rope.
“Are you going to listen to everything I say, Kenzie?” he asks, looping the rope around my left wrist and pulling it up over my head to secure it to the headboard.
“Yes, Beau.” I nod as he pulls it harder. The rope rubs against my skin, the friction making this all the more real. This is going to happen.
He reaches for my other hand and secures it next to the one above my head.
“I’m not going to do your feet tonight, darlin’. Want you to wrap these long legs around me later,” he tells me. My breath hitches when his mouth moves to my erect nipple, pulling it into his mouth and sucking hard.
“Ahh!” I arch at the sharp pain, before exhaling in pleasure.
“Who’s this body belong to Mackenzie?” He pulls back, circling my wet nipple with his finger.
“You, always you,” I answer, knowing it’s the truth.
“And who controls this body, Kenzie?” He lowers his mouth just above my other nipple, waiting for my answer.
“You, Beau. Always you.” His lips wrap around my nipple when I answer correctly, sucking it with the same intensity as the first one. Pain sears through me before he strokes me back to pleasure.
“You have the prettiest nipples I’ve ever seen.” He draws back, and gently blows a breath over it. My hands pull on my restraints, my natural instinct to touch him takes over. I blow a frustrated breath realizing I just gave my control up. No touching.
“Tsk, tsk.” He sits up and watches me with a deep hunger before reaching over into his nightstand and pulling out a small package. “I got these for you a couple of weeks back,” he murmurs, pulling out a small black box. My eyes grow wide seeing the image on the package.