“I know. I know, I’m coming.” I drop my bag on the bed then let her help me out of my silk dressing gown so I can step into a strapless, fit and flare ivory dress with a sweetheart neckline.
I didn’t want anything too fancy, but with friends like Kadence, Holly and Bell, I knew the dress shopping would turn into a huge deal.
“Oh my, Mackenzie, it’s so beautiful,” Bell whispers from the bed as I hold the front of my dress up, allowing Kadence to carefully zip me.
“Thanks.” I smile, watching all the girls come to stand around me. The last four months they have really gone above and beyond. With still no news on where Heidi is, they have shown me all the support I could ever imagine helping to organize my wedding.
“I wish Kelly and Heidi were here.” I blink a couple of times, fighting the tears.
“I know with everything in my being both of them would want to be here.” Bell reaches for my hand and offers me a light squeeze.
“Now, no more tears today. We have buttons to deal with.” Kadence drops to her knees and starts fastening each one of the thirty buttons.
It’s the best and the worst part about the dress.
“Thanks.” I sigh, my anxiety coming back full force as she fiddles more with it.
“Are you okay? You seem tense.” Holly gazes at me through the makeup mirror as she touches up her lipstick.
“Yeah,” I lie, trying to keep my breathing under control. I’m not okay, but I can’t tell them. Not now.
“How much time do we have?” I ask, starting to second-guess my choice on this dress. The buttons are amazing, but a pain in my ass.
“Okay. Done.” Kadence steps back and allows me to take a closer look in the floor-length mirror.
“Wow.” I look at myself, my hand instantly touching my stomach.
I’m going to be a mom.
Beau’s going to be a dad.
I don’t even see myself as a bride on my wedding day, making sure everything is perfect. All my eyes see is my hand on my stomach holding in the biggest secret.
“Beau is going to freak.” Bell pulls me out of my head and I turn to look back up at her.
Would he? I know she’s not talking about the news, rather how I look, but all I can focus on is the life growing inside of me.
“Mackenzie?” I look up at Kadence’s voice as the music starts to play, signaling the beginning of the ceremony.
“Oh my, God, girls.” I inhale deeply, only to stop when a sharp pain halts me, radiating through my chest.
“What’s wrong?” Kadence steps forward, offering me her arm.
“I can’t breathe.” My heart beats fast and my hands start to sweat.
“You can, just slow your breathing down.” She tries to calm me by holding me, but it doesn’t help. I’m too worked up. Holly steps forward, followed by Bell, but each one of their panicked faces only pushes me into anxiety.
“No, I can’t. It hurts, something’s wrong.” I inhale again, only to be restricted by the same sharp pain. “I can’t do this.” I step out of Kadence’s embrace and pace. “What am I doing here, guys?” I know I’m overthinking it, but I can’t help it. Everything that’s happened over the last four months has happened so fast.
Between Kelly coming out of her coma, Missy’s place taking off and needing so much of our attention, Beau asking me to marry him and now this— everything feels rushed.
“I can’t. Oh, God, I can’t.” I sit on the floor, my legs becoming too unsteady to stand. “I can’t breathe. I literally cannot breathe.” The sharp pain in my chest grows as I struggle with short pants. “It hurts.”
I briefly hear Kadence talking to someone before tunnel vision kicks in and I’m spiraling out of control.
Is this too soon? What if we aren’t ready? Question after question spins me further out of control. I can hear Kadence and Bell’s voice try to pull me back, but I can’t latch on to them. I’m too focused on what’s happening inside of me.
“Mackenzie.” The deep timbre of Beau’s voice breaks through my panic and a quick sharp burst of air accompanies it. “Come back to me, darlin’.” He enters my headspace and slowly starts to coax me back. “Slow your breathing and come back to me, now.” I’m moved from the floor and pulled into the warmth of his lap.
Not understanding what’s happening, I focus on his smooth comforting voice and follow his orders.
“That’s it, darlin’, nice slow breaths.” I do as I’m told, drawing strength and comfort from him. After a few more silent minutes, I’m finally able to open my eyes.
“Beau?” I look up, the room coming back to me.
“Welcome back.” He pushes some curls from my face and leans forward to gently kiss me.
“I’m so sorry.” I close my eyes, realizing I just totally freaked and caused him to come running back here.
“Talk to me. What happened?” I look up briefly, noticing we’re alone.
“Where are the girls?”
“I kicked them out.” He lifts his shoulder in a shrug, and for the first time since he’s come in, I notice his outfit.
“You look handsome.” I run my eyes over him. He’s wearing his leather Rebels cut over a clean white dress shirt that pulls tight over his arms, and black pants.
When we started planning our wedding, Beau only had two requests. First was he would not wear a tux and second, he wanted to be married at the clubhouse. It didn’t bother me either way where we got married, but I was a little disappointed I wasn’t going to see him in a suit. Now I’ve seen his alternative, I’m not so torn up.