“I’m sorry I’m so boring,” I said.
“You’re not,” he lied.
“I’m embarrassed.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m fat.”
He edged his chair closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. “The way you talk about yourself makes me angry.”
“But look at all of those girls out there. You could have any of them. Clearly they all want you.”
“I don’t want them.”
“Why not?! They are everything that every guy wants. They are what you want.”
I felt him tense up and his foot stopped tapping. He removed my head from his shoulder. “Stop telling me what I want, okay?”
“It’s true, though, isn’t it? You want that?”
He rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from me. “Fine.” He started walking toward the dance floor, and I saw a few of the popular girls smiling his way. He smiled back. I felt sick. He was choosing them. It made sense. I was on the outside of their world and Levi belonged with them.
But then he kept walking past everyone. He walked out of the gym. I wanted to follow him, but I felt too stupid to do so. So I sat. I frowned like a dork, my hands resting against my stomach.
About five minutes passed before Levi reentered the room, looking very different than when he’d left. My cheeks heated up as the room erupted with laughter. He was wearing a fake pregnancy stomach and his eyes were locked with mine as he crossed over to me.
“What the heck are you doing?” I laughed, staring at how ridiculous he looked.
“Dance with me,” he said, holding his hand out to me.
“No way.”
“Dance with me,” he repeated, stepping closer.
“Levi!”
“Dance. With. Me,” he begged, his eyes pleading with me to say yes.
He took my hands in his, and I stood up. The music was up-tempo and everyone was staring at Levi. “Just look at me,” he ordered, so I didn’t look away. He started dancing like an ape, all over the place, no sense of rhythm, and no care that others were staring at him.
I couldn’t stop laughing, and I started dancing with him. With no care, no fear, and no regrets. I kept looking at him and as he moved, his fake stomach danced, too. “Some people were just born to stand out, Aria. Just deal with it and keep dancing.”
I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to, but I was falling in love with him. Each second was filled with more love. I wasn’t sure if seventeen-year-old pregnant girls were allowed to fall in love with oxymoronic boys who made their hearts skip. My head kept telling me that it was wrong, that I shouldn’t be considering such an insane idea.
My head knew this was wrong. My head knew every reason why I should’ve never allowed myself to fall for Levi Myers. My head told me there were limits to love, boundaries. “You’re having a baby,” my brain told me daily. “You’re not allowed to date,” it ordered. “He’ll find someone better,” my brain scolded me.
But my heart…my heart believed in a quiet, simple kind of love. A kind of love that was created before time existed, a kind of love that was bigger than any limitations the world placed upon us. It was a type of love that had no age limits, no boundaries, and was seen only within the souls of two people. My heart didn’t give me much of a choice.
“Love openly,” my heart whispered. “Love unconditionally,” my heart begged. “Love the struggles,” my heart taught. “Love in the moment.”
It was something ugly and beautiful all at once, wasn’t it? How your heart didn’t give a damn what your head wanted.
33 Aria
We walked outside and it was snowing, large flakes of white covering the town. My feet were sore, but they weren’t too bad because Levi had forced me to sit down every few songs. He held the car door open for me and closed it. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him how I was falling for him, how hard it was for me to concentrate on anything when he said my name, or played the violin, or smiled.
When he climbed into the car we sat there for a while, watching each snowflake fall.
“I had a very good time tonight,” I told him.
“Me too.”
Silence.
“Art?”
“Yes, Levi?”
“What would happen if I kissed you?”
“If you kissed me?” My stare fell to his lips. I exhaled slowly. “Well, everything would change.” Things were already changing.
“Is that a bad thing?”
My voice shook, and I could feel the palms of my hands growing sweaty. I didn’t want to make eye contact, so I studied his floor mat. “I’ve only kissed one boy before. I’m not that experienced. I’m not a whore. I know everyone at school thinks I am, but I’ve only been with one person. I just wanted you to know that. I’m not a whore.”
“I never thought that.”
“Maybe you once did. Maybe the thought swam through your mind when we were in class, or when I missed school because of heartburn or when my stomach started to show. It’s understandable. I wouldn’t even be mad at you for thinking it. I’ve thought it too, actually.”
“I never thought that,” he said with confidence. He turned toward me and placed his hand behind my neck. He leaned in close. He slowed his breaths. Our lips were millimeters apart. I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth, and I think he was staring at mine, too. He ran his hand against my cheek and looked into my eyes. “Whoever made you doubt how amazing you are, whoever broke your heart…I’m going to hate them for a long time.”