* * *
I showed up twice to Aria’s house. The first time, I saw her sitting in the living room with her family, laughing as they opened gifts together. Everyone was filled with life, and I didn’t want to ruin their Christmas, so I went back to Dad’s and waited. All of my bags were already packed.
I sat in my bedroom staring at the clock on the dresser.
4:35 P.M.
Lance and Daisy had said they would be there at five to pick me up and drive me to the airport.
I picked up the two CDs I’d made for Aria and baby Mango and slid them into my coat pocket. I knew the CDs weren’t the best or most expensive Christmas gifts, but I hoped they would like them. As I walked over to Aria’s, I tried to figure out the best way to tell her I was leaving. I wanted her to know that no matter what, we could figure out a way to make us work, even if we were eight hundred miles apart.
39 Aria
Late on Christmas Eve I listened to the sound of Dad’s truck pulling into the driveway. Rushing to my window, I saw him unloading his suitcases. He came back. The snow was falling and Mom stepped outside to meet him. For a while they just stood with their foreheads pressed together, holding one another.
The next morning when Grace woke up and saw Dad sitting downstairs, she leaped into his arms, more excited to see him than all of the gifts under the Christmas tree. Then of course, she saw those gifts, and dived right in.
Things felt as if they were finally falling back together—into our new normal at least. I hadn’t had a chance to call or text Levi yet, but every few minutes he crossed my mind. After our late lunch, I tossed on my boots and winter coat to head over to his place to give him his Christmas gift.
As I opened the front door, I was taken aback when I saw James standing on the front porch with his hands stuffed in his coat pockets. “What are you doing here?” I asked, confused.
He snickered, his cheeks red from the cold. “Merry Christmas to you, too.” I didn’t reply. His fingers ran through his messy hair. There were heavy bags under his eyes, which matched his exhausted stare. “Look, can we talk?”
With caution, I nodded and stepped onto the porch. I rested my hands on top of my stomach and shifted back and forth from discomfort; my back had been killing me lately. “I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”
“I broke up with Nadine,” he blurted out.
“You what?”
“Well, she broke up with me. I told her about the baby.”
“You WHAT?!?!” I shouted, the back of my throat burning.
“Stop screaming, will ya?!” he scolded, scrunching up his nose.
“Wh-wh-why would you do such a stupid thing?! Oh my God, James! What the heck is the matter with you?!” My heart rate was picking up as my breaths grew short.
“I think we should keep him.”
“Shut up.”
“I’ll sign up for community college. I’ll get a job. Or two jobs. We’ll make this work. We can get an apartment—”
“Oh my gosh. Are you drunk? Please tell me you’re drunk because you are talking like a freaking lunatic!” I was trying my best to convince myself that he was pulling an April Fool’s Day joke a few months early, but the way his eyes were begging along with his words told me that it was far from a joke. “You’re not thinking straight.”
“We can do this, Aria.”
“No,” I corrected him. “We can’t. That’s the thing. He’s not ours anymore, James.”
“I did research,” he explained, stepping closer to me, making me nervous. “A few sites said that the father has to give his rights for the adoption.”
“Which you did.”
“But now I’m changing my mind. People change their minds.” He reached for my hands, and I stepped backward.
“Don’t touch me,” I ordered.
“I want to be with you, Aria.” His words were wrapped in false dreams and tainted lies. “Haven’t you thought about it? About keeping him?”
Sometimes.
“Please,” he said, glancing behind me before moving in to kiss me.
As our lips lingered, I whispered harshly, “Don’t. Touch. Me.”
He stepped back, and I listened to the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us. Turning around, I saw Levi standing at the end of the sidewalk with his hands wrapped around two gifts wrapped with newspaper. “Levi. How long have you been there?”
His blue Chucks kicked back and forth around the snow. “Long enough to find out that he’s the father. That he wants you. That he kissed you.”
“It’s not what—” I started, but James cut in.
“It’s kind of a family issue, man. If you could get lost, that would be great.”
“James!” I shouted. My eyes shot back to Levi’s, which were filled with rejection.
“Yeah, of course. I just wanted to drop off yours and Mango’s Christmas gifts.” He tapped the gifts against the palm of his right hand before he walked up and handed them to me. “Merry Christmas, Art.”
He turned and started to walk away. I went to follow, but James grabbed my wrist, halting me. “Let him go.”
I ripped my hand from his hold and flung my hand across his cheek. “I said don’t touch me.”
“What’s going on out here?” Dad asked, stepping onto the porch. His eyes landed on James. “Hey, buddy. Merry Christmas.”
“Thanks, Mr. Watson. You too.”