"Sweetheart, I want to talk to you." Teeg.
"Teeg, what do you want?" I turned my head to look at him; his arms were still around me and Farzi and Nenzi, now both lion snakes, were coiled and pressed against my other side.
"Reah, I've stepped back. Given you room. And all that does is make my heart hurt. I don't know how much longer I can stand this. Constantly worrying about you is making me crazy."
"You mean you're upset because your pet slave isn't here to stand in front of you?" I snapped, louder than I meant to. Farzi and Nenzi stirred. Lifting a hand, I reached out to slide fingers down smooth scales. Farzi blinked a slitted eye in my direction. I stroked his head.
"Reah, you were never that. Never. I needed your help, and I kept you with me the only way I could. After we parted on Birimera, I knew you were upset. Rightfully so. I wanted to get you away from there and away from here, because upheaval was bound to follow. It took the better part of three years to get this place anywhere near safe. And then Zellar pops up and starts tapping cores. I know what that can do—he and his Green Fae apprentice tapped Le-Ath Veronis long ago. They would have killed it, too, if something hadn't intervened. Did you ever wonder what happened to the Green Fae? Corent is one of the two who survived. The rest emptied themselves, trying to repair what one of their young did, after he listened to Zellar. If Le-Ath Veronis hadn't been repaired by an unseen hand, the planet would have died, just like Cloudsong and Thiskil. You were the one who might get me close to Zellar's trained brood, right after we were lucky enough to get a lead on him and kill him. I wish I'd known you were coming after him, too. I'd have stood back and let you have that filth. Instead, you were handed back to me, and I'm sorry to say I used you shamelessly."
"You might as well have shackled me, Teeg," I said angrily. "With that stupid chip, and then pretending you had Chash."
"I did have Chash. Always and ever. With me. Inside me."
"Yet you wouldn't tell me the truth. What kind of relationship do you hope to have, Teeg? I can't trust you, can I? From the moment you took my friends away after Arvil died. Then planting that chip and threatening my friend. You knew I was pregnant, and you didn't say anything. You think I can just look past all that and say sure, all's forgiven?"
"What were you going to do with them? Your friends?" Teeg held a hand over Farzi's head.
"I was going to take them to Niphrin. I was going to turn them loose, Teeg. Let them choose their own lives. Arvil bought them from Zellar. Did you know that? Don't you think it's time they had their freedom? Choose what lives they want to live?"
"Niphrin was a good choice." Teeg lay back on the pillow next to me. "A mix of jungle and civilization."
"And it's Alliance. On the very edge of it, but still Alliance. I gave them credit chip bracelets—what I could scrounge from whatever Arvil gave me. It was enough to give them a start somewhere."
"And what if they wanted to stay with me?" Teeg asked.
"Then you might have asked them that. Just to see what they wanted. All their lives they've been owned, Teeg. I know that feeling all too well. Edan used to threaten me after a beating. Tell me he'd kill me if I ran away or told anyone. I thought I was getting away from all that when the conscription notice came. Only I traded one set of shackles for another, didn't I? Edan is no longer the Edan I knew. Kifirin traded his soul with an Edan six generations into the future. He was a pediatrician and dying when Kifirin made the trade. I can't even hate this Edan, Teeg. He and Ilvan work the regular shift as assistant cooks at the restaurant where I work. I don't know what to do with that. I have a grandfather I have no idea how to deal with. A father now who wants to be close, only I cringe every time I see his face. Then there you are, Teeg. Aurelius is hinting that I should just forgive everybody and forget the past. Tell me how to do that, Teeg. Tell me." I was brushing away tears of frustration, there at the end.
"I can't fix the past, Reah. All I can do is try to make the present and the future better. Try to see that your days are happy ones, instead of the misery you've had in the past. And I admit my part in that. I didn't have time to explain everything to you and hope you understood. I needed your help so I took it the quickest way I could get it. Tell me I hurt you, Reah. That I meant you harm."
"You did hurt me, Teeg. Whether it was intentional or not, I can't answer that. The end justifying the means, I suppose. That won't make me trust you. The friend I had—the best friend I ever had—is gone. He would never have done these things to me. Let me out. I need to go home. I'm trying to chase down those fuckers you let get away from you. They're hiding behind Ra'Ak, did you know that?"
"Yes. I do know that." Teeg raked fingers through his dark hair. At least he showed emotion at times, when his father didn't. "And Erland told me that they have some sort of warlock or power wielder with them; one who has performed a soul-shift. Erland says he's targeting children, because that's what the Ra'Ak prefer to dine on."
"Yes. They're such lovely creatures," I muttered. "I want to kill all of them."
"We think the Strands are in league with an old ally of Lersen Strand's father. His name is Hendars Klar. I've already passed that information to Lendill. I've got people out looking, Wylend has people looking and Norian and Lendill have people on this. Baby, ask for help if you need it. I know the High Demon in you is equipped to handle a Ra'Ak, but there are six of these. Can you stand against all six at once? Think about that. It makes my heart seize up, considering it. And those fuckers—the Strands—you already know they can get their hands on Ranos pistols, rifles and rocket launchers. How many of us will go down if you do, sweetheart? Wylend, all he and Corolan talk about when they're alone is you. And I hear that Radolf, Garek's son has already identified you as his mate. Lendill, well, his eyes follow you if he thinks you're not looking. Aurelius—you should know how he feels. Tory's Thifilathi knows you're his mate, even if he doesn't at times."
"He's too young."
"Who?"
"Tory. All the other High Demon males were thousands of years old before they were mated. Tory was in his late twenties when he put these marks on me." I tapped the back of my neck.
"Reah, I think my brother grew up fast after we lost the baby and nearly lost you. Mom said when the moon was full he was on top of the palace in full Thifilathi, howling in grief."
"Then maybe I should talk to his Thifilathi instead of to him. I still need to go."
"I fantasized about you."
"What?" Now I was staring at Teeg in confusion.
"From the time I was twelve. I knew even then. And when puberty hit, wow. Reah, I couldn't help it. When you'd put your head on my shoulder and go over my assignments with me, I was sniffing your hair and wondering what it would be like if I kissed you. I envied every night you spent with Tory or Aurelius. Spied on you, too, when you were with them. I know it was wrong, but Reah, I couldn't help it. I was so crushed with love, I couldn't stop myself. I thought Kifirin had forgotten that I'd asked to help you when I was twelve. Only he didn't. I wanted that summer we were going to spend together to convince you that we could be more than just friends. I wanted you so much by that time it was making me crazy. I know better than to ask Kifirin for anything. Ever again. He made me pay. And still I don't have what I wanted. You'd walk away from me, right here and now, and not look back. All that work. All that effort, doing what Kifirin said I should do, and the reward is still far from my grasp. I was a fool, Reah. Still am, where you're concerned."
Farzi shifted under my hand. I stroked his head. I knew he and Nenzi were listening. "Teeg, what do you want from me? How are we supposed to go forward from here? With so much between us?"
"I don't know, sweetheart." He tightened his arms around my shoulders. "Don't leave me, Reah. I'm begging. I can't face immortality if you're not with me. All I can see in front of me is empty blackness if you don't want me."
"Teeg." I rubbed my head—a headache was coming on.
"I love you, baby. I know I haven't been the perfect mate. Far from it. But I never for one tick stopped loving you. Never stopped hoping we'd have a good life if we could get over these bumps. Those bumps hit you harder than they did me. I know it. Say you'll at least give me a chance. Give it some time, my love."
"Teeg, I'll give it some thought. And I'll give you some time. All I ask in the meantime is for you to give Farzi, Nenzi and their brothers all the options you can and see what they want to do. If they want to stay with you, that's great. If Nenzi wants to open his own vehicle repair shop or sell new ones, I hope you'll set him up. And if Farzi wants that plantation on Birimera, then I think he deserves it."
"I'll take that under advisement," Teeg sighed.
"Good. Honey Snake," I lifted Farzi's head and kissed the top of it. "I love you. So much. Nenzi—sweet man, I love you, too. More than I can say. Be safe, and tell your brothers the same." I skipped away.
"You hear that?" Teeg ran a finger down Farzi's scales. "You have something I may never get."
Lok set the bottle of painkill down in front of me. He'd been having a cup of Falchani Black when I skipped into my kitchen. I just slid onto a barstool and held my head in my hands.
"Here." He set a glass of water beside the painkill.
"Thanks," I said and shook out a handful of the tabs.
"What gave you the headache?" he asked.
"Teeg San Gerxon."
"Ah. And that would be the one who owns this building."
"Yeah. Anything new on our quarry?" I popped the tabs in my mouth and drank most of the water to wash them down.
"Two more planets have been hit. I was hoping you'd take me tomorrow so we can poke around."