Holden took a step towards me, and I recoiled. “I don’t think I can handle any more hugs right now,” I explained, holding my hand up to keep him at a distance. “I’ve been hugged more in the last two days than I have in my entire life. Were people afraid to touch me before?”
He’d stopped advancing on me, but there was nothing I could do to dampen the pitying expression on his face. “You don’t make yourself easy to touch.”
“I guess now I’m only human.” The smile I forced was the barest flicker. I didn’t feel like smiling, but I’d be dead before I stopped trying to make light of a bad situation. Without a joke here or there I’d be crushed under the weight of my own grief.
“Why are you here?”
“I need your help.”
“Of course you do. You’re not big on social calls.”
“I’m taking Kellen back.”
“You’re kidding. Tell me you’re joking.”
“No.”
“Why? Do you remember what we went through to bring her here?” He raked his fingers through his dark hair, pushing the waves behind his ear. His beauty sometimes took me by surprise, sneaking up when I least expected to be reminded of it. “Are you out of your mind?”
“Probably.”
“I can’t let you do that.”
“Not only will you let me, you’re going to help me.”
“You are out of your mind.”
He started to walk across the room, but I darted forward and grabbed his arm. Physically I didn’t have the strength to stop him if he didn’t want to be stopped, but he went still under my touch. “You don’t understand what I’m trying to do.”
“Then explain it to me instead of throwing idiotic notions at me and expecting me to be thrilled about them.”
“Aubrey made a promise to me the night of the ball. He told me none of his people would harm anyone else in my world. Since then, another kid has died. I think if I take Kellen back and reunite her with her fairy boyfriend—providing I believe she’s not under a spell—I can use her and Aubrey’s promise to make him give me my abilities back.”
“I…I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Say, Secret you’re a genius.”
“I shan’t.”
“Then don’t say anything. It’s the best plan anyone has come up with so far that will make me who I was again and give me what I need to kill my mother.”
“I can give you what you need to kill her right now,” he said. With my hand still on his arm I was standing much too close to him for turns of phrase like that. He cupped my face and twisted his arm under mine so his other hand fell to my waist. “I can save you all the hassle and all the trouble of this idiotic plan, and I can make you strong. One bite and you’ll belong.”
When I looked into his eyes, they’d gone black. I waited for the ache in my own gums, or something to hint at the vampiric arousal I should be feeling right then, but nothing came. My heart beat faster and the skin on my neck flushed.
He trailed his fingers down my throat and over my collarbone, making me swallow hard in response. “Just one bite,” he repeated.
“And I belong?”
“Yes.” Tilting his head low, he traced my throbbing artery with a gentle caress of his lips. When I didn’t pull away, I felt the graze of his teeth. That’s when I pushed him off me.
“Belong where? Belong to you?”
He seemed hurt and a little dizzy from being stopped in the act. I wondered if full-blooded vampires had something like blue balls for their fangs if they didn’t get to feed when they were expecting to. Like some kind of pseudo-sexual gingivitis.
“I thought what you wanted was to not be an outcast.”
“Maybe once. But I don’t want it like this.”
“You mean you don’t want it with me.”
“This has nothing to do with us. It has nothing to do with me and Desmond either. This is about putting my life back together and then ending someone else’s.”
“We can kill Mercy for you.”
“The council doesn’t give a shit about killing a rogue werewolf princess.”
“She’s killed one of our wardens now.”
I huffed, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. “Don’t pull that. I know exactly how much the council cares about dead wardens. I am the council. They’d only care if she was killed by one of our own without a warrant.”
“She was killed in public.”“With no witnesses. You don’t get it, do you? The council doesn’t care about Mercy. And I can’t make them care about her without explaining why they should. I can’t tell the council to kill my mother, because then they’d know what I am.”
“Then I’ll kill her.”
I softened, dropping my arms back down by my sides. Leave it to a homicidal promise to turn me into mush. I didn’t go any closer to him, though, fearing he might try to bite me again. “I want it to be me. And I want it to be me as I was.”
“Did the wolf try to talk you out of this? I’m betting he loves seeing you in the daylight.”
“At this point, the wolf knows better than to bother.”
“Someone ought to try knocking some sense into you every now and then. Otherwise you’ll think you’re always right.”
“I am always right.”
Holden snorted. “You’re something, that’s for sure.”
“I need you, Holden. I can’t get through to Calliope without you, and I’m not taking Kellen anywhere until I know her feelings for the fairy are genuine.”
“That’s noble of you.”
“I’m not a monster.”
“No…not yet, anyway. But I guess I’d better get my coat if we’re going to make you one.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
When I’d been a freak, passing through the gate to Calliope’s realm had felt strange but not unpleasant. There was an otherness to it, but it was over quickly and had rarely made me uneasy. The only time I hadn’t enjoyed the process was when I took Desmond with me.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when passing through it as a human, whether it would hurt now, or if there would be other potential side effects.
I’d asked Desmond to stay out this time, because I couldn’t act as an anchor for him, and with Kellen and I being relatively fragile—since we were mere mortals after all—it was smarter and safer for us to travel alone with Holden and not risk a werewolf shift in the transport.
As it turned out, there wasn’t much for me to have concerned myself over. The biggest difference—aside from being aware of how cold the gate was—was the smell. It smelled like fruit, or flowers. Something sweet and fresh. I was enchanted enough by the smell that I wanted to stop moving so I could bask in it awhile longer.
With a chill, I realized that was probably the point.
The gateway itself was a passage from one world into the next. It made sense now that humans couldn’t enter it on their own, if there were natural elements meant to lead them from the path. I tightened my grip on both Holden’s and Kellen’s wrists so the vampire could guide us safely. I’d figured out what the smell was designed to do, but I wasn’t sure if Kellen would understand it to be bait.
The look on her face was like a starving man unleashed at a buffet. She was completely enamored with the scent around us. She tried to tug her hand free of mine, but I held tight and refused to let go of Holden, praying we’d make it through to the other side before anything happened.
When we emerged into Calliope’s waiting room, my ears popped like I’d come down from a long flight. I was grateful to see that not only had we made it out, we’d all come through together.
The Oracle was standing next to her massive fireplace, looking none too impressed to see us. Her jet-black hair was braided and pinned around her head like a crown, and she wore a full taffeta ball gown in a deep purple color.
“I warned you,” she said, pacing in front of the flames. “I told you it would screw everything up.”
“Nice to see you too, Cal.”
“Why do you insist on toying with your future?”
I released Holden and Kellen so I could stretch my fingers and shake off the uneasy feeling I’d gotten from passing into Calliope’s home. It sounded like she was building up for a lecture, and considering she was an ancient immortal, I didn’t think I had time to spare for a big speech tonight.
“I’ve made some terrible mistakes. People have suffered because of me. People… Someone I love has died because of me. You don’t need to tell me what a mess I’ve made. I’m here to set it right.”
“Mistakes cannot be undone, Secret. Spills cannot be unspilled, they must be wiped clean. Blood cannot be unshed, a wound must be stitched and healed. There isn’t an easy solution here. No magic snap of the fingers.”
“I know.”
“I can’t bring Brigit back. Neither can Aubrey. Sometimes death is as final as the poets claim.”
I hadn’t truly realized until right then part of me had hoped something could restore Brigit to life. I’d tried not to think about it, but in the back of my head a childish, innocent part of my brain thought there might be magic, something fantastic that could make things okay again.
I twisted my hands against the fabric of my dress. “I’m not here to change the past. I’m here to find a solution for the future.”
“And you think there’s a way to put it in order?”
“Stitch up the wound, you mean? Let it heal?”
“Yes.” She didn’t look pleased to have her own words echoed back to her. “What is your brilliant master plan?”
“Your brother made me a promise.”
At this, her brows shot up. “Why would he do such a thing?”
“Because of you. Because I told him you were at risk. He promised to keep his fairies from killing anyone else, and he failed. He owes me.”