“Even so, I’m sorry.”
“Because he hit me or because you told him?”
“Because he hit you. Because of everything I’ve done. I’ve fucked everything up so badly.”
“Not with me you haven’t.”
I can’t help but look at his face, searching, hoping he really means it.
“I’m glad he hit me, Tru, if it means he finally knows. I’m sorry he’s hurt, but I’m not sorry he knows about us.”
“Is there an us?” I hold my breath.
“You tell me?”
I exhale. “Why didn’t you sleep with Juliette?”
“I never intended to. I left because I wanted out of that party. I couldn’t stand to see you with Will, and I took her with me because I wanted you to know I’d left with her … I wanted you to think I had slept with her – to hurt you – not very mature I know, but…” He shrugs. “So well, I got Dave to drop her off at her place first, then he brought me back here, and I spent the night with a bottle of Jack, and Tom came later on.” He stares straight into my eyes. “Do you really think I could have had sex with her, when I’d just had sex with you?”
“You kissed her.”
“I was acting like a dumb ass. Like I said, I wanted to hurt you, because you’d hurt me.” He brushes his thumb over the scar on his chin. “I don’t do rejection well. But I’d never go that far. And you kissed Will, remember?”
I knot my fingers together in my lap, nodding gently.
“It did hurt me,” I whisper, “Seeing you with her, knowing you’d left there with her. The pain I felt was unbearable. So I got drunk to try and kill it, and spent the rest of the night throwing up, before passing out.”
That’s my subtle way of telling him I didn’t have sex with Will. I know it was weighing on his mind, he didn’t have to say.
I see his face relax, and he lifts his eyebrow. “You’re such a light weight.”
“I am.”
“I love you,” he says.
I love you, just as simple as that.
I stare at him, wide eyed. It’s like time has frozen all around me.
Jake gets up, his eyes never leaving mine, and walks over to me. He kneels on the floor at my feet and takes hold of my hands.
“I love you,” he repeats. “I’ve only ever loved one girl, Tru – and that’s you. It’s always been you. I loved you from the moment I knew how to love.”
My eyes fill with tears again, them quickly spilling over, down my cheeks.
Jake takes my face in his hands, caressing my tears away with his thumbs. “You’re it for me. I want to be with you forever. I want you to be mine.”
I stare deep into his eyes. “I’ve always been yours, and I always will be. I love you too … so much.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jake look as happy as he does in this moment.
He leans over and gently kisses my lips. I press harder against them, wanting more from him.
He hisses, and I quickly pull back. “Shit, sorry, baby,” I murmur, smoothing my finger over his cut, swollen lip.
“You’re worth the pain.”
“You hit him,” I say, regretfully. “A lot.”
“No one hurts my girl, because you are, Tru … my girl.”
“I know … and you’re my guy.” I trace my finger across his cheek.
“Forever.” His eyes close under my touch.
“Forever.”
“Are you really sure he didn’t hurt you?” He opens his eyes after a moment, and runs his hand gently over my shoulder.
“I’m fine, really. It didn’t hurt.”
“Come on,” he says, getting to his feet, pulling me to my own. He leads me through to the bedroom, pulling the duvet back; he climbs into bed, making space for me.
I’m hesitant.
I’ve only just broken up with Will. Somehow it doesn’t seem right climbing into bed with Jake.
“Please,” he says softly, seeing my hesitation. “I just want to hold you.”
I climb into bed beside him and he wraps his arms around me, holding me to him and pulls the duvet over us.
He kisses my hair. “I love you so much,” he murmurs. “This is it now. Just you and me.
I tilt my head back, kissing a place on his neck. “Just you and me,” I echo.
I nestle my head into his neck, breathing him in, feeling suddenly exhausted, as I try to work through the conflicting emotions still raging through me.
When I wake I’m Jake’s arms, the sky coming in through the window looks dusky. We’ve slept the whole day away.
I’m supposed to be going home. Jake too. Our flights out of Paris are tonight.
Suddenly the thought of leaving him crushes my chest.
Then I think of Will, and pure sadness engulfs me. Tears instantly prick my eyes.
I wonder if he got an early flight? I hope he got home okay.
Will. Lovely sweet Will. What have I done to him?
I hope he’s okay. I didn’t want it to end the way it did. Maybe I should call him? Try to explain?
No, what good would that do, and anyway, he hates me.
He’s right to.
I cheated on him. I broke his trust and his heart. I’ve scarred him; he won’t trust another woman for a long time to come because of me. And he’s so gentle and caring; he didn’t deserve any of what I’ve done to him
But I love Jake. I know it’s a poor excuse but I couldn’t help myself.
The way I feel about him is indescribable. It’s overwhelming. Sometimes so much so that I feel like I’m gasping for air with the intensity of the feelings I have for him
But then, is this the right way for Jake and I to start our life together, off the back of a broken relationship?